When Cheating Becomes... A Chore

Not too long ago I was invited to a woman's house for just simply oral sex. I missed it so much. Giving oral sex is to me much more intimate than just sex, because it is so much more up close and personal. I do enjoy it the most of all the sexual acts. And this woman was craving it, since most partners did want to fuck her, but did not want to lick her. 

And I loved every single moment of it. It just was delicious. She was clean, sexy and absolutely a Michelin star quality. After she had orgasmed intensely she rewarded me with returning the favor. I have had a number of blow-jobs of different women during my life, but I have to be honest that hardly any was really good or interesting. But this lady was amazing. I could have it going on for hours the way she did it. But the moment did arrive and I enjoyed a very intense orgasm myself.
When I left, she begged me to visit her again soon, when her husband was away. As she did as well through email later on. Even then, although our arraignment was just to have oral sex, she told me that if I accidentally would slide it in, she might not refuse me being inside of her.

Another lady who I wrote with for over a year with who I have a normal friendship, turned the heat up underneath it and invited me over to meet her because her husband did not satisfy her. And she wanted to rent out a motel room so badly to just experience pure lust, the two of us.

I ended up meeting no one. Oh, believe me, parts of me wanted to badly, but it felt just as if it wasn't worth it anymore. I did not cheat often on my wife since I had to confess to her that I did it, now almost three years ago. Actually, I only have been once inside of another woman since then. 
And it is not that the scenery has changed, but more that something feels like it is becoming a bother. It becomes sex for the sex. When I was younger, I could have sex with anyone. I had sex with models, as well as women who were - slightly said - not so pretty. Some where young, some were twice my age. It was more about how sexual someone was that made me want to be with them. And although I behaved so very well before I lost my virginity; I made up a lot after that moment in time. 

But now, especially after I felt the fear of my life slipping away by leaving it in my wife's hand

what to do after I confessed to her, it feels that it should be more than just sex. My body aches for it, begs me to find a woman and just fuck her. But my mind is not that blend. I want to find a woman who is unique, gorgeous, delicious and lovely and smart. I want to be really attracted to her, wanting to be with her and thinking of her when I close my eyes. So that when we can be together alone, the desire and passion is much more intense than a 'quickie'.

I hear my old self beating me up, calling me a fool. But maybe it is more life experience. I would like to be with someone special if I am going to risk it all again. Someone gorgeous, and someone who puts me under her spell. It is too easy to cheat, harder to do it right.