Not The Guy I Think I am

So, my last many postings are about my adventures during massages. And that for me it is the perfect balance to not really cheat, as my wife also provided permission for this solution to the absence of sex in our marriage (for the ones just checking in, because of a medical condition, sex is not something she can have often anymore) as long as it is by manual stimulation.

So, yes, I am such a perfect husband. Offering up my own desires to this partial solution that will get me through the time until I am permanently limp in about two decades :)

Well, nope.

Although I love the massages, and especially the one I have described in the posting before that was something amazing that still ranks very high on my list. I made the mistake to, at one moment, look happy ending massages up online. And there were two things I saw; the grainy hidden camera work showing what I also experienced; happy endings performed by hand until the release.
And then there were the high quality 'hidden cam' work that showed these overly beautiful girls that would halfway undress themselves, and end up going from manual stimulation to vaginal stimulation. Yeah, right! Not only that; but the 'hidden cam' also was able to change position all by itself? And in positions that you saw perfectly fine the girl reverse-cowgirl-ing the guy? Not a chance in hell!

Right?

Right!

I knew this was porn-fake. I absolutely did. Not in a massage parlor. But somehow I got to a blog of a massuese who indeed provides manual stimulation to her clients, and was addressing the 'full service' parlors and how to recognize them. She mentioned that the notion of a 'table shower' or the word 'acupressure' instead of 'acupuncture' are signs that they are full-service parlors.

They were real?

Also, she mentioned how they are not parlors but more brothels.

Fuck. Now this was on my mind. No, I should not. I did so very well of just doing this with the happy ending massages. I did not need to get my mind infested with these ideas. And the good guy that I am, I would not continue any research more in this area.

So, two weeks later I called up this parlor about half an hour away from my work. I had done my research, and this one actually got great reviews. Oh, sure, all kinds of reviews that describe everything in code-words. So, with just the research that I did and the deciphering of the code words, I thought I would do well. I read about the beauty of the girls, their 'soft services' etc. So as if asking a girl out for a very first date, I called up with my heart beating in my throat. I got a woman on the phone, asking if it was my first time, and that she was happy to have me over that afternoon and one of the masseuses would help me.

So, here I was. Trying to convince myself that I was just trying to find a new masseuse now that my favorite had moved to Nevada. Why do we guys do this? Trying to convince ourselves that we don't do anything wrong, and that it is just thrown in our laps? Sigh. Sometimes I am amazed by my own stupidity and ignorance.

Anyway. I ended up at this strip mall. Actually, a quite upscale one as well. But no massage parlor.

Not even in the back. I had no idea. So I called as the ignorant fool I was, mentioning to the lady on the phone that I had no clue if I was in the right area, as she mentioned to me to go to this office and come in. I was looking amazed. There it was, hidden in plain sight. I would never expected this to be something else than a contractors office building. I walked in, had to ring a bell, and an older Asian woman opens the door, very politely, and guides me through a very clean and well maintained beautiful building and gets me into a room. She mentioned that 'she' would be with me in a moment.

And there I was. And had no clue what to do. With my regular legit massage I know to get naked, under the covers and just lay there. With my slightly less legit massage I know I have to get naked, lay on the bed and forget the covers. Here? I had no clue. So I stood there. Waiting.
After a couple of minutes in comes this beautiful woman, in a gorgeous dark green corset, high heels and beautiful long fishnets. When I say beautiful, she was more beautiful than the overly beautiful ladies I saw in the porn movies about the massages. And she was surprised why I was not undressed.

I confessed to her, I had no experience in this, and was quite nervous. She looked at me, probably with a slight hint of a red flag, who knows if I was from law enforcement. But she decided to help along. Mentioned to me to pay the house fee up front, and then while she would handle that, I would get undressed and wrap myself in the towel she pointed out. And so I did.

She came back, got me out of the room and guided me, while I held on to my towel for dear life, to a spacious luxurious bathroom.  Within it was a table that she had just cleaned (with my spouse being an MD, I am very well aware that 'cleaning' would not clear off the previous guy's germs  completely ;) But then, I am a guy, so, I did not wonder about that. It looked clean: good enough!).
She had me lay down and started to shower me, turn me over, joking slightly of that I am hard and that that was not her doing... really? I mean, I know what I got myself into, but do those lines and jokes really work on people. On the other hand, I did not care, because I made likely a stupid remark as well.
I had to admit, I loved her touch. Playful, not really massaging there, but I guess you did not come here to get a good massage. And after a while she dried me off, got me back into the room and asked me to lay down on the table again. And this was clearly a real massage table like the many others, only much wider. But it was comfortable, and laying on my front, she started to massage my back. Not bad actually. I was pleasantly surprised. Also when she climbed on the bed, sat down on my buttocks, and started to massage more thoroughly. The satin of her lingerie felt so good, and her firm thighs around me as well. Fuck, I wished every massage would be like this. And when she bent over I felt her bossom press against my shoulder blades. It just felt good. I would be the happiest guy if this was just it.

The flip-over came, and of course I could not hide my arousal. And she started massaging me. My legs, my belly, chest, arms, hands... ehm? She pushed it out of the way to massage the inside of my thighs, but there was no attention for my penis.
What the fuck?

"Is there anything else you would like me to put attention to?" she asked, as it was nearing the end of the massage. Fuuuuuuuck... I am terrible at this. I hoped this would just go nicely, but here I am, laying there, and she calling my bluff about being inexperienced. Well, I was, but I think she thought I was full of it.
So, stuttering, I mentioned that I would not mind if she might perhaps put a little bit of attention to my appendix showing a certain state of arousal. Softly, like I asked her something she never heard before, she touched me, held me softly. "This?"
I nodded and I think I croaked some kind of sound that should have confirmed my agreement.
"Ok" she said and she started to jerk me off softly.

And truth be told, she did that very nicely. Here was this beautiful woman in very sexy lingerie, giving me a wonderful hand-job.

But fuck. That is what I get at my not-so-legit place as well! And there she knows me, what touches I desire. I did not come here for that. And the clock already mentioned there were only 10 minutes left. No! Please, don't let her make me cum like this! Yes, I know, I am never satisfied ;)

"Can I... could you... can... please... see you naked?".

She stopped, looked at me as if I said something so very wrong. Put her finger in front of her lips.

"Please?"

Again, more firmly now, her finger in front of her lips and looking at me more seriously. Did I say something wrong? I had no clue.

She walked out of the room.

What the hell? I was confused, and most likely certain that a gorilla of a guy would walk in to throw me out because I might have said something that would have been against some kind of rules. Shiiiiiiiit!

The woman came back. Locking the door behind her. And she stood next to me and looked at me again, pressed her finger once more against her lips to show me to be silent, and started to undress.
Wow... I can honestly say she had the most perfect body I ever had seen. Beautiful in proportion, nicely tanned but not overdone, and absolutely amazing. She held up a little packet, tore it open with her teeth and removed a condom out of it.
"Lay back" she just said, and climbed on the other side of the table and crawled between my legs. I never had a condom be put onto me this quickly and professionally. And as she had done, she took me in her mouth and started giving me a blow-job.

Now, although like every other guy around, sex with a condom has its advantages: against STD's,
against pregnancy, and on top of that, you last longer. The negative, you only feel the pressure of the condom against your cock. No wonder we last longer, because you feel absolutely less, no matter what they say. But, in this case, this woman I did not know and who was clearly a professional, I was happy altogether already. But, the blow-job, even though it looked like she did it well, was hardly something I experienced. The visual though, to see her taking me inside of her mouth, was something that definitely made up for it.

She came up, crawled next to me and told me to move over, that she wanted to lay there and that I had to come on top of her. And there she was, gorgeous, all naked in all her beauty, her legs apart, and looking at me, smiling, and telling me to put it in her softly and not all the way because it would hurt. I thought that was some kind of 'making me feel good' talk because of course I have such an enormous one. But it actually seems to be that it was a bit too much. Fuck, she was so tight and she guided me with how far I could be inside of her. Far enough to feel absolutely amazing, even with the condom. And there she was, even if I would have felt nothing through the piece of rubber, it would have been amazing. I enjoyed every moment, and although I wanted it to last forever, she at one moment squeezed me so tightly that from the feeling that I could hold on for hours, in one thrust she got me to explode in her. Wow.... never experienced that before like that.

I noticed the time, our hour was over. But she told me to lay next to her for a bit. There was no rush, and I did. She cuddled up next to me, held me close, and we layed there, talked a little bit, for about 5-10 minutes. After that, she got dressed, as did I. Not completely conform the standards there, I guess, because she mentioned that she usually dresses her clients. I tipped her, and she guided me out, gave me a hug and a kiss at the door, and there I was.

So, yes. It is actually like those videos. The problem was now, that although it was absolutely wonderful, it did not feel right. So, a beautiful woman, very sexy, does everything I wanted, ended with some fantastic sex. And it just did not feel right.
Not in some 'guilty' kind of way - which I should because there is always the thought in my mind I just have taken advantage of this woman. Although I did not have the feeling she was not into it, or that she might not do this for all the right reasons; you never knew.
But it was not even that. And it was not a guilty feeling towards my wife, which I also of course should have. But I talked that up in my mind as this being not a relationship, not an affair, it was a one time thing.
No, it was like the same thing as with a one-night-stand. Worse. I paid, she pretended to like me. I was not special. She was. Not I. It was indeed just that, a business transaction. She had a product I wanted, and I was willing to pay for it.

Wow... that is when that feeling hit me. As gorgeous as I though she was, and perfect she was to me, I was just a guy. Who would have known that that feeling would hit me. And that was really the weird thing; it was just that, like going to a regular massage, there are therapists that I like, and ones that I did not. And like with any other job, that feeling would be the same for the therapists versus their clients.

Don't get me wrong, I did not fall in some kind of depression. I love to still have her on my mind. Because next time I will tell about that following experience over there... because even though that feeling caught me by surprise... it is a memory I still have fondly in my mind.

But... there is no doubt about it, my days that I would just be happy with the happy tug at the end seemed to be over.

Or weren't they?

My Impossible Wish List

It is already spring and a while ago since I did my last post. It maybe not so weird as very little has happened over the last couple of months. I have been extremely faithful which is actually a good subject here.

When I had encounters with other women, sometimes as a relationship, sometimes as a business deal as a 'service' or during a massage visit where at least part of my desires were satisfied. It sounds so weird but I very well understand that what I am looking for is most likely something I will never find. And that idea starts to settle.

Yes, I have to admit, the massages are a real relief.

As I wrote in earlier postings is that I indeed find a lot of relieve now with massages and visiting an escort. But that is simply satisfying on a physical level. Don't get me wrong, I personally think it is a great way to find that relieve while not getting involved into something disastrous. Better yet, believe it or not, my wife is actually up to date about it as well.
If you have followed my earlier postings, the sexless situation in our marriage is not completely unexpected, and having a sexual connection going on outside of the marriage that does not involve 'feelings' is also something she saw as a good solution.

But that also made it very clear, sex is just 'sex' if no feelings are involved. I loved being with the escort; she was cute, sweet and very sexy. My masseuse is sweet, cute, not very sexy but gives a hell of a massage and knows what makes me feel exceptionally satisfied.

But the problem is, nothing is expected of me. Oh, to fork over the dough, of course. It is not a bad thing; because it indeed gives me all the love at home, and all the sex as a service. So, perfect solution, no?

Well, no.

With an escort, it is almost like 'shopping' which is actually
what I did not like so much. The woman was beautiful in a girl-next-door
look, but still, it is too arranged. Too, weird.

As I said, nothing is expected of me. During the massage I am just laying on the table, have to turn over when my masseuse tells me, and just be showered and trimmed when I arrive. She'll take care of everything else.

The escort filled me with all the praise. That she loved more heavyset guys that have chest hair. She loved everything about me, even let me kiss her and kissed back passionately. And I loved licking her, cannot help it, but I also wanted to prove myself to her.
But I do not know if everything was real, and I assume it was not. Who knows. It does not matter.

But that is the problem, I want it to matter. Sex with someone who wants you badly, just like you want that someone, is something so very special. The desire to be with that person, touch her, discover her... the real passionate lust. Not lust for sex, but the lust for that someone.

And that makes what I am looking for so much more difficult to find and that I am starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, I will be settling for just what is happening right now.
Because I want to feel passionate for a woman, love her without the love as in a relationship. And I want her to feel absolutely the same towards me. Discrete, beautiful, sexy, and desiring the companionship as much as I do while also understanding that being married brings in a lot of agenda collisions.

So, if you dissect that wish-list completely, it is like asking for world-peace and the perfect apple-strudel a la mode at the same time. It is not going to happen.

Ah, but then, don't you need to set your aim high?

Did I Really Visit An Escort? - Massage part II

Sometimes I really have to come back to what I have written before. And without me getting in my old postings and just modifying something, I think it is much more interesting simply to follow it up with another posting. Just as much fun.

A couple of postings ago I described of how getting a massage became a good alternative to my cheating lifestyle. And it actually is, although I have stopped the massage therapist that I was seeing and that I wrote about earlier. The simple fact is that it still did not feel as if it was a good alternative to what I was lacking. But, what was it that I was lacking?

It is easy to think that I was lacking sex. Which, of course, is true, but I also keep writing about how the mind is the most sexual organ, and with that, I do get enough sex at home. My wife and I are very open about sex, the problem is, she simply cannot have it. Period. But, on the other hand, I didn't like the fact to have sex without any passion. It made me felt empty and really bad.

So, yes, make up your mind! I could not really describe what I was missing. Well, I could, which is a connection with someone, very passionate, who loves all the attention, but also doesn't want a boyfriend, but also is completely open to my schedule, and is completely discrete.

Yes. I know. I ended up visiting an escort. The thing I thought I would never do, I did. And even though it is a couple of months ago now, I still don't know what to think of it. It was actually incredibly great, but also very weird, and not the way I thought it would be weird.
At one moment, I simply started looking around online, seeing if there was someone and what possibilities it might have. Just to play it out in my imagination. Of course, my better part of my ego warned me a gazillion times about safety, what if it is not a girl at all, or what is I am robbed, or even if she doesn't look the way she looks in the photo, or, of course what if it is a police officer?

But, as many men can describe you, once a thought has entered a man's mind about sex, it will dig in deep, nest in there, and will hang on like a leech until you keel over with a heart-attack. And at one moment just looking around online, there was this ad of this girl. And she looked fantastic. In my opinion at least. Not a model at all, but a very normal, but wonderful girl. Loveliest smile, fabulous eyes. Find me weird or not, but that is what does it for me. The smile and the eyes. I don't care about breast size or being very thing at all. You win me over with a smile.

Of course, I already painted this 'worst case scenario' that she actually had a beard, a gut and a voice that would make water boil. But, blood was flowing where it drained it from my brain, and I found myself sending her a message on the phone number that was listed. Fool! Stupid idiot. There I went, already giving out personal information.
And I almost immediately received a message back. She was able to receive me that afternoon after work, and even though the amount became more than listed, I was not in any condition to mention that, especially because the only words I would have been able to utter were 'bwahumba' and 'urghidastic'.

Even driving over there, my mind was racing and telling me all the time to just turn the car around, but no, I drove up to the address she mentioned and saw, next door, a bunch of guys sitting on their bikes and indeed, thought it was not the right thing to do. So I drove on. My mind taking the right decision. Until her message that she was outside, waiting for me and if I was in the area already. So, I decided to drive by one more time, and noticed the address was actually a couple of houses off. And there she was. Exactly like in her picture.

I parked, got out, and walked up to her. She greeted me with a wonderful smile and hugged me, and guided me inside... of this horrible apartment building. Well, it was a beautiful old house - once - and now it housed a couple of apartments. Getting over the stuff on the stairs was painful but eventually we arrived at the attic apartment. It was messy, stuff everywhere, but at least clean. And, well, she was there, almost just as nervous as I was.
When the door was closed, she immediately took of her clothes, stammered some words and then actually greeted me. This made me feel so much more relaxed, because clearly it was not my first time either. Well, after a bit of talking, it seemed it was not her first time as well, but she was anything from experienced. And it showed. Not because of her performance, but simply because she was way too honest about having just lubed up - which for a guy of course is not the thing you want to know. Of course I know that she is not naturally wet from a guy she just met, and not only that, attracted to just any guy. And although I will mention here that I don't think I am an unattractive guy at all, I might also not be just anyone's taste.

But she was overly complimenting on things that I know were fake, but she actually pulled it off so well that I really started to doubt. Which, of course, is also what I wanted. I don't want to have the idea that I am rejected but for the love of money, just come on! I want to have the feeling that I am the best thing on earth at that moment.

She had a stunning body. Very easily the most gorgeous body I had my fingertips run along. Her breasts were perfect, even though I am not a breast person. And wonderfully shaven. Her body was cold though, cool, which my mind just saw as a good thing because it was warm in the summer. See how you can make a good thing of something obviously pointing out she was not really into me.

She was asking immediately also if I would fuck her. But I was not here with such a beautiful girl just to hump and leave. That is not what I was here for. But I was afraid that it would be that. I asked if we just could cuddle a bit, and - although I knew the answer already - wouldn't mind kissing. If you read more of my postings, you know that kissing is extremely sexy to me. Surprised I was when she said she wouldn't mind kissing at all. More doubt. Was this then an act? Or not? Oh, I actually loved that game of confusion in my mind.

She was a good kisser, not fantastic, but a lot better than what I was used to. And the moment for me was when I asked her if I could lick her. Which she hesitantly agreed to, but with the warning that she did get lubed up, so, she might taste bitter.
Well, real men do not care! And she still tasted amazing. And I loved it. I love love love licking a woman. Just, give me that and I am a happy guy. And there, I was a happy guy. And she actually became a really happy girl. I was so proud of myself! Sure, I may brag. And I will brag.

Oh, a facial photographed like this always works.
In reality... slightly different.

She became much more talkative after that. We laid for quite some time simply in each other's arms. She played around with my dick a bit, and just talking a bit. About her, the apartment, actually about her boyfriend (yes, we did) and how she mentioned she would love, after that meeting was over, to visit other times too. Look, you don't have to convince me; it is a business transaction, and the sales she did, was amazing.
I was happy, yes, even without the fucking. The licking of such a beautiful woman was what it was for me already. I wouldn't care. When we were way beyond the hour we agreed to, she took me in her mouth, and very slowly started giving me the very first blow-job in my life that was absolutely amazing. Most blow-jobs I have had were okay at best, an occasional good, but this one was what a man dreams about. Her hands moving softly, her lips wet, her tongue delicious. And no hurry at all. For at least 10 minutes she did this before starting to increase the movements. She was laying on her side, jerking me off  until I reached my orgasm, which was a bit more powerful than she expected and actually hit her straight up her nose. Yep, a wonderful erotic experience, shooting a rope of sperm right up a girls nostril, who immediately gasps, trying to catch a breath, and coughs and runs to the bathroom snorting her nose, then come in howling with laughter.

And this is why I still don't really know about if this was a great experience or not. I know it is work for her, and a lot of the positive parts were simply her doing her job. But some moments were simply just so memorable. I did not fuck her, even though she offered it multiple times, I just loved the licking her, her orgasm ( which was the reason why she ended up giving an extra 40 minutes above the paid hour because she told me she had problems fucking after an orgasm ) the laying there and the unexpected ending of it.

The issue is, it is because it went like that that I liked it, but I was very sure that another time would be different. If I would have had sex with her, it would be me just humping her, while she was simply hoping it would be over. I am not an idiot, like anyone who works, we are all waiting for the time to go home. As was she. No doubt.

Well, if you read the story, you know it did not end like this... a lot less - ehm - classy ;)

So as fun as that experience was, and being with such a beautiful young girl, it still would not be the solution. There would be something else to be found... and I seemed to have found it a couple of months later which I will write about next time in the third part of the Massage story.

When Cheating Becomes... A Chore

Not too long ago I was invited to a woman's house for just simply oral sex. I missed it so much. Giving oral sex is to me much more intimate than just sex, because it is so much more up close and personal. I do enjoy it the most of all the sexual acts. And this woman was craving it, since most partners did want to fuck her, but did not want to lick her. 

And I loved every single moment of it. It just was delicious. She was clean, sexy and absolutely a Michelin star quality. After she had orgasmed intensely she rewarded me with returning the favor. I have had a number of blow-jobs of different women during my life, but I have to be honest that hardly any was really good or interesting. But this lady was amazing. I could have it going on for hours the way she did it. But the moment did arrive and I enjoyed a very intense orgasm myself.
When I left, she begged me to visit her again soon, when her husband was away. As she did as well through email later on. Even then, although our arraignment was just to have oral sex, she told me that if I accidentally would slide it in, she might not refuse me being inside of her.

Another lady who I wrote with for over a year with who I have a normal friendship, turned the heat up underneath it and invited me over to meet her because her husband did not satisfy her. And she wanted to rent out a motel room so badly to just experience pure lust, the two of us.

I ended up meeting no one. Oh, believe me, parts of me wanted to badly, but it felt just as if it wasn't worth it anymore. I did not cheat often on my wife since I had to confess to her that I did it, now almost three years ago. Actually, I only have been once inside of another woman since then. 
And it is not that the scenery has changed, but more that something feels like it is becoming a bother. It becomes sex for the sex. When I was younger, I could have sex with anyone. I had sex with models, as well as women who were - slightly said - not so pretty. Some where young, some were twice my age. It was more about how sexual someone was that made me want to be with them. And although I behaved so very well before I lost my virginity; I made up a lot after that moment in time. 

But now, especially after I felt the fear of my life slipping away by leaving it in my wife's hand

what to do after I confessed to her, it feels that it should be more than just sex. My body aches for it, begs me to find a woman and just fuck her. But my mind is not that blend. I want to find a woman who is unique, gorgeous, delicious and lovely and smart. I want to be really attracted to her, wanting to be with her and thinking of her when I close my eyes. So that when we can be together alone, the desire and passion is much more intense than a 'quickie'.

I hear my old self beating me up, calling me a fool. But maybe it is more life experience. I would like to be with someone special if I am going to risk it all again. Someone gorgeous, and someone who puts me under her spell. It is too easy to cheat, harder to do it right.

Ahhhh.... Massage!

My wife got me addicted to a maybe healthy addiction. Massages. A couple of months age when I called in sick cough cough for work, she told me to join her for a couple of hours at the spa. As the standard guy of course I did not feel comfortable. Because however I liked the thought of a woman touching me, it is not a manly thing... of course ;) Two hours later I had signed up for the monthly plan.

I may sound so overly sexual here, but it doesn't mean that I am like that in the real life where you would meet me day after day. It took me a couple of visits before I actually went naked. And my wife had no problems with the fact that a young girl would touch me. Well, it was not that weird, because it might sound erotic to people who haven't taken a legit massage, but it is not that erotic at all. But man, it is so delicious.

I actually have behaving pretty well lately, and not been involved with just anyone. I decided that if I want to risk my marriage and my life, she will have to be pretty amazing. I am always looking, but not anymore for just anyone. But that also meant that with sex still being very absent in our marriage, there is a lot less passion to share.

Which, at one moment, got me to a weird idea. Maybe a not so legit massage would be in order. Maybe the thought of a massage parlor that does more than just massage. I was reading up on reviews, and actually there was a highly reviewed one near my work, when I actually thought about that a little bit more.

I will be very honest, the thought to be with a cute - most likely Asian - girl sounds very inviting, especially because the one near my place of work offered to so called full-service treatment (I have learned a lot ;) ). But finally it dawned on me; that is not what I want. Not even because it is actually prostitution. I come from a country where that is very legal, and it was not even that. It was that here, it simply is not that simple. And then the whole idea started to become weird. Was my lust for sex getting so overwhelming that I would not even care if a girl would do it voluntarily or not.

Yes, men can be so stupid from time to time, and really do let their dick think for them.

So what I ended up with was a perfect compromise. I found a legit massage therapist, an older woman. Not beautiful or anything sexual. Also close by, and she actually got great reviews. But the only thing was, that was different from a regular spa, she did not drape you.
So I planned a massage with her, and indeed, there was a nice room, warm, and just a table.

No blanket. And the massage was wonderful. And even though I would love to say that it didn't happen, but when turning around I could not do anything, no blanket to hide my erection. And she massages perfectly around it, neatly cleaning up the pre-cum, while staying so professional. It was incredibly relieving. Somehow, that hour on that table might have been as sexual to me as it could be. Not because of anything happening, but just being me, relaxing, and being just me. Nothing hiding myself, and most likely for her, nothing she has never seen yet. Something about that completely opening up felt so good. And another massage is planned for next week. Ah.

The Thing About Cheating is...

There is something weird about cheating. I noticed this over the last couple of weeks, and that is the following; you understand it when you do it, but if you do not, you don't know really what it is about. A lot of people are prejudiced, and almost no-one who is understands the real situation.

There are different levels of cheating, and I think you can categorize them in three levels:
- The person who cannot be monogamous.
- The person who has given in to temptation.
- The person who is seeking passionate/sexual attention that is not found in the existing relationship.

Let's not forget one thing; do never underestimate the second point. If there is even the slightest element of desire, even so well concealed, a person has to be made out of stone to resist temptation. When I met the woman I would cheat with, and that actually got me confessing to my wife, it was anything but about sex and cheating. Worse, the reason why we met was simple, we both got to know each other to resist the temptation.

Let me clarify. I knew the desire was there. The sex life in my marriage was nearly non-existing but that doesn't mean that the mind and body do not desire the sexual attention so much. But it was my idea to try to control it. As I mentioned before; I love my wife. I don't want to cheat. But when the desire takes over, the only thing you can think about is holding someone else, kissing their neck, feel the thighs wrapped around you, the moaning in your ear, the soft pressure of her breasts... the intense orgasms...

I actually needed help from someone who knew how to deal with this. And I found this someone. She had been in the same situation, but was able to manage it after a long time, and she had all kinds of tricks. And it worked actually pretty well, and got my mind off it. A while later she mentioned she would be in the neighborhood of where I work, and she asked me for some coffee during my break.
We met, had a very nice simple talk, nothing going on. But when we said our goodbye's and leaned in for a quick kiss on the cheeks, it ended up in a deep passionate kiss, and within minutes I heard her moaning while I fingered her in my car.

I, personally believe that if both people have a desire, there is no way to resist it, no matter how strong you think you are. Since then, I will never utter the words that I will never cheat again. Maybe I mean it, but I know, that if I am in the same situation, I am not in control at all. If you want to control it, control the situation, and avoid it.

But then, the other question is, should you?

That takes us to the third point; the person who is seeking passionate/sexual attention that is not found in the
existing relationship.
When you get married, or in any relationship, keep in mind that there is also a sexual expectation, just as much as there is one of love and caring. When you decide to be in a permanent relationship, you ought to know the other's sexual desires and level. This is not something that you can ignore.

Now, there are a hundred ways that sex leaves a relationship. Stress, lack of love, hormonal issues, medical issues, age, sexual incompatibility... and many more. The thing is, although we all know to work out our problems, fights and disagreements  no-one is actually working out their sexual problems. It is still too much of a taboo, even in a close or kinky marriage. Mentioning something about sexual problems is like saying the other is not good. And that is often not where you want to take a conversation.

The other thing is, that even if you can talk about it, I personally don't like to have sex with someone who doesn't want it. I know my wife often just doesn't want it, and I don't want her to do it just so I can have my fun. I don't work that way.
I rather find sex somewhere else so I don't bother my wife, and she doesn't have to do it when she doesn't want to, while someone else can be a perfect sexual match. I am not looking for love, just looking for a passionate match.

I personally think that cheating can have a solid place in a solid relationship. But, like with everything else, be prepared to take the consequences.

Now, this leaves one more point to discuss, the person that cannot be monogamous.

I think the 'cheating' going on here is on this person him or herself. I such a person understand him or herself completely, they would know a relationship is not for them, because the desire of being with someone new is simply too much.

And then there is the whole bunch of people being so negative about cheating. Sure, cheating is a game you play that has a lot of rules and traps and pitfalls. And playing the game means you have to be extremely careful. And also, a lot of people actually play the game.
And one of the rule is never to attract the attention to yourself. And the best way to do that is showing disgust on the subject. So, well, yes, in my personal opinion, the people yelling the hardest that cheating is so wrong are falling in one of two categories;

1. The people who secretly cheat themselves.
2. The people who will never get the attention that allows them to cheat.

But, again, that is my personal opinion. No proven facts here. Just my mind written down on a piece of empty web page.

Cheating... It Is Not A Full-Time Job

I have been spending my time online for the last couple of months. I have not been away, but just not been in much of the passion to add to this blog. Why not? It is not that the sex-drive has been gone. It is more about something natural; I just didn't feel like it.

Yes, I mention that I am an honest cheater, but it is not something that is on my mind constantly. As I mentioned before, cheating to me is finding someone with who I share a passion, in something I cannot find at home in my life, and is not easy to be returned there. And it is also not that I am non-stop looking for a new partner if I don't have one. Actually, that is not what I am doing at all.

A couple of months ago, I really felt the need of being with someone. And the thought crept over me that maybe I should see things more clearly. I am not trying to find a partner simply only for sex, it is more about the pure passion, and explosion of lust. Sex becomes so much more intense if you really are into the other person. But I am not looking for love. I am looking for someone to feel great with, and she with me, and then both get from each other what we cannot get at home.
But at that moment, I thought I might want to look at it another way. I am not a dumb guy, and I know that as soon as I reach a climax, the need of being with a woman is a lot less. Masturbation is great for this, but it is different.

Don't get me wrong, she was delicious and looked gorgeous. This photo
is not her though, and taken from Anilos.com

So, this time, I thought not to, well, shake it off, but maybe I could find a companion. Someone, who can set some time away for me, and we enjoy each other... a business deal. And I actually found a woman, and she found me, and we were both into this. She was older, which I don't mind in the least. Age is not that important to me, as long as the other person is just herself. We decided to meet first, and then see where it would lead to.
Well, it led to her bedroom, and a for me strange experience was about to happen, that maybe many of you are known with... but I was not.

She told me to undress, while she did the same, and asked me to put on a condom and she laid on her bed, spread her legs. I was actually asking if we could cuddle a little bit first.... we could... but no kissing. Now, I knew about the no-kissing thing, that that was a deal. But I never knew how much I love to kiss. Kissing is part of everything, it is what makes things so passionate.
Kissing her body was allowed, and I kissed and licked every single inch, but only mild responses.

I really was a bit bummed out, not fully realizing that this was a job for her. I simply could not wrap my mind around that then. I was allowed to lick her, and that I did. Was that wise? I don't know. I have been tested since and I was fine (I always keep myself tested... I don't want to bring anything home that doesn't belong there). But I love to lick. The taste of a vagina is incredible, and I can be like a suction cup... and never let go. But still, the fake moaning was a bore. The saying that 'Oh, you are so good!' were not really oscar-material. Everything was fake in her behavior, and I started to get the idea then that I wanted this to be something it is not. She was there to lend me her body, fuck her, release... and then getting out.

I got a kind of a break though, because suddenly, halfway through her 'Oh, you are so good!' she stopped, and then silence, the pelvis started to come up, and suddenly a whole other sounding sigh escaped. Licking her more like that kept her silent, and her soft moans deeper. She grabbed my head and pushed it against her lips, while I kept my pacing. About half a minute later her moans were loud, her pussy pressed against my tongue, and a subtle flow of clear liquid escaped and covered my tongue, while she fell down in the bed, and laid still for a while.

Then she looked up at me, as if regaining conciousness, and told me to lay down. She put a condom on me, let her slide on top of me, and she fucked me quickly. But no pauses, no passion, and her squeezing and non-stop motions made me orgasm pretty quickly, even though I tried to stop her. And there I was, spent. She got off of me, cleaned me up, and handed me my clothes.

What a bummer. I felt absolutely depressed. Yes, I was with a woman, but the lack of passion and lust was such a let-down. No, if I risk to cheat, it needs to be something special. Sex is just sex. It sounds weird, but it is not something good if passion and lust are not involved. At least, not for me.

Young, Old and Everything In-Between

Actually, my whole entire sexual life I have had mostly women who were older than I was. The very first older woman was actually 25 years older, and she still is one of the best lovers I have ever had. It is the classic tale of a mother in a broken marriage, and I who had been good friends for a long time. She was a lawyer, and because of my knowledge of computers and IT, I handled some computer work in her office.


It might not be everyone's thing, but
I think mature women are stunning!

After a year, helping her out one time, she kissed me while leaving, and then pulled me back into her house, into her bedroom, and gave me my first blowjob. As I mentioned before, I was not early into the world of sex, and she knew my ideology about sex, so she mentioned also that it would not go beyond a blowjob. And it went all the way with that, even when I told her I was about to come, she kept sucking me, letting me ejaculate in her mouth, and swallowing it.

I lost my virginity two weeks later to my Scandinavian girlfriend. And when we broke up, I again spend more time with this older woman. And from that moment on, it did not end with just blowjobs. Over the years we met regularly, having incredible sex, masturbating together, and her showing me how she could ejaculate - a mental image that will never leave me!

But I have had more older women. Some ranging to a 20 years older till my age. And they were all married or divorced women, looking for more pleasure at that time. And I found out that having sex this way was not only an 'easy' way to have sex, in my opinion older women knew much better what they wanted with sex, and what they were good at.



But such a young woman is also so incredibly
sexy... I have to experience that once.

I actually never had sex with a younger girl. Even up till now, the only younger woman I have had sex with is my wife, and she is just one year younger. And believe me, I would love to try that once, having sex with a beautiful younger girl, in her twenties, still exploring her sexuality. My only problem is that now that my idea is that older women can be so good in bed, that I fear maybe a younger girl might not be. Stupid of course, but still.

And also because every woman is different, it maybe has nothing to do with age. But, I hope to be one to find out myself one day...

How My Morales Flew Out The Window

My first experience with cheating was way, way before I got married, and way before I even met the wonderful woman who eventually would become my wife. My first experience with it was actually the other way around; I was the one who was cheated on.

Ah, a non-sexual image! Sorry, but it fit the story here.

I actually was this very naive, idealistic and moralistic boy who had his mind set on a couple of things;
1. I would love my virginity to the one and true one.
2. I would always stay faithful.

Heh... yeah... right.

Well, that is what I thought at that moment. And because of #1 I stayed a virgin well into my twenties. Not because I didn't have a possibility to lose it, but simply because I of course did not have the guts to even approach the girl I fell in love with. Long story short, a long, long time later, I met this Scandinavian girl. It took a while, but eventually we fell in love, and became this couple, completely consumed by each other. And the best of all, she also was extremely into sex. Into many different fetishes of which she introduced many into my life that still form a lot of my sexual desires.

This all went very fine. Sex was an incredible part of our relationship, and for me my sexual life went from 0 to 60mph overnight. We could be walking somewhere, and she would drag me in the shrubs, unbutton my pants and gave me the best blow-job ever right there. Or she could drag me into a crowded women's restroom, into a stall, lock it, and fuck me right there.

She always tried to pick the hotels that had the mirrors around us, because she wanted us both to see everything, from every angle, in all the detail.

But don't get me wrong, it was not that it was too much. No, the sex was amazing, but our relationship was incredible as well. Well, we had too make the best of it, because we saw each other only twice a year for a couple of weeks. Then she had to go back, or I did.

And visiting in Northern Scandinavia itself was special too. Making love outside while the Northern Lights showed up above us. Enjoying the sauna's and then, in between sessions, walking outside in the snow naked to let our bodies cool off.

But also here, I was too naive. Knowing that a woman was so filled with desire, could mean only two things; or she built up that desire over the time that we did not see each other, or, she always had this... and she then would have to find a relief.
Of course, at that moment, I did not even consider the second option.

Well, until Christmas Eve came by and in the middle of the night I received a phone-call, and between the moans I heard the voice of my drunken girlfriend, asking me if I could guess what she was doing. Of course, my heart sank, while she explained me that at that moment she was being banged by her former boyfriend. It was the shortest phone-call we have ever had.

Of course, it doesn't go like this, but this might be described how it feels.

The next day she called back, apologetic, telling me she never meant that to happen, but she was drunk, and needed it. And she also mentioned she thought I might enjoy the thought she was fucking while I had her on the phone. That I might be into that.

That marked the end of our relationship, and I was broken at the time. And I promised, never, ever to do that to someone I loved. Ever.

Well, and here I am, writing a blog about my cheating. Sigh. Sometimes I cannot even think about the hurt I might have brought to my wife when I confessed to doing it. There are many excuses that I might have to talk it all right, but, in the end... is there any good excuse? And I honestly mean this question, I see both the good and the bad in cheating.

Look, as it showed in the statistics I told about yesterday, half of all married women and married man cheat. And these are people who admit to it. There is a whole bunch of people who will not admit to it. So, let's assume that out of every 5 married couples you know, at lest 3 of the men and 3 of the women cheat. And a lot of these people will tell the world how bad it is. How irresponsible and bad you are behaving.

But it seems to be that only the minority is really faithful. And sure, there are many reasons, right and wrong, to be cheating. But I do think that a lot of relationships would not have to deal with it, as long as they communicate well. But, as it was also in our marriage, along the way, you start to keep sexual desires to yourself, because you are afraid that your spouse might not be into it.

After I confessed, we were forced to really talk about the lack of sex; the why, and how to continue. None of us wanted the marriage to fail. So, after that, there was nothing to hold back, and the darkest secrets came up. Mind you, I was not the only one with secrets, although I was the only one with the physical contacts.

And from that moment on, it seemed that we started to understand how this game works. This was just a significant part of our marriage; knowing each other. Now that my wife knows a lot of my sexual fetishes and desires, it is easier to talk about it. Also the other way around. And even though there are some medical reasons why sex will not return into our marriage, the sexual mindset has been discovered. There is more privacy, and we have a no-tell rule about physical contacts which I will explain more in detail in a later posting.

Anyway, we found a way to make it more or less work in our marriage. And instead of tearing the marriage apart, it seemed that the cheating somehow brought us closer together.

And that made me look back onto my old views on the world. Sex is an important part of life, affection even more, and showing someone your love even more. And just like with anything else that might be broken, you can fix it. Sometimes with the original parts; sometimes with new parts that you get somewhere else.

A Delicious Meeting (A Cheater's Confession)

Well, I can't write a blog about cheating, without actually going into a couple of the adventures once in a while. And I have been on the different sides of the cheating; the one cheating, the one cheated upon, and the one cheated with. So, let me start out with a short one. This actually was one of the times that I met simply for the sex.

I met Jasmine online just 4 hours before I actually met her. And when I actually met her, we were in bed together within 5 minutes, and she had me in herself. The reason why I met her was simply because I was absolutely not thinking clearly, and posted a very direct posting online; the lack of sex for months and months, made me long so much for sexual attention, that I decided to post on Craigslist that I was simply looking for a hand job. Not even anything else, I just wanted so badly to feel a warm hand taking me and just releasing me.

Now, what is wrong with this picture? Ehm, Craisgslist. Even though it has gotten me into many very good situations, it is a wonder that I haven't had any negative experiences with it. So, when Jasmine responded not even half an hour after posting. She would not mind meeting me, but I had to come to her apartment. And with the message she sent me a photo of a pretty, early-twenty something black girl who lived not even ten minutes from my work. So, yes, to make sure there was no con, we decided to make a short phone-call before actually meeting. And on the other side of the phone she picked up, in a low voice that I actually started to worry if this might not be a guy who simply sounded a bit girlish.




Ah, those soft hands!

But hey, a horny man is not always on his most intelligent behavior, and I went over there, got to her apartment, and knocked. And every bit inside of me mentioned that I should maybe not do it, but, before I could think about anything, the door opened, and she was there, inviting me into a very empty apartment. The first thing I noticed was that she was taller than I was, and I am a good 6'3" But she was very pretty indeed. After a really weird quick introduction, she immediately invited me into the bedroom to lay down on the bed, and take my pants of. She set next to me, placed her hand on my immediately growing penis. Her soft hands did magic on me, while she did not even really seemed to put much afterthought in it. She held me between her fingers, looked at me while she slowly moved my skin up and down slowly. Then she looked at me, and said that it actually turned her on doing this. We both said nothing until just a few moments later, she looked at me again, while I had difficulties to pay attention while enjoying her incredible movements of her hand. "Can I fuck you?"

 

Now, this was really what I could not believe. Posting I would desperately love to receive a hand-job again, and this wonderful black lady mentions then she wants to fuck with me. And what was I to say? I could not say anything, but mumbled something that must have been approval of some sort or the other. She stood up, let her single-piece dress fall of her body, stepped out of her panties, and crawled towards me onto the bed. Her kisses were absolutely to die for, and without hesitation I felt her hand again on me, pointing me straight up, and the tips of her warm lips touched the head of my cock. Then, in one quick movement, she pushed her pussy over my cock, pressing her buttocks against my pelvis. And she had not been lying that it had turned her on. There was hardly the feeling of any resistance of the amounts of liquids that she was producing that acted as the best lubricant. Her rhythmic movements of her body were smooth, and delicious. Her breasts playing with my face. Feeling myself deeply inside of her made me crazy, and holding her head between my hands, we kissed deeply while our bodies never stopped their intimate dance.

Every time that I wanted her to change a position, she pressed me back into bed, while shy sat up straight and rode me the most perfect way. Her movements became teasing, and she looked at me when she felt that my cock started to make the familiar pulsating movements. Without any hurry to avoid me ejaculating inside of her, she got my cock at the root while I felt my sperm being launched, and it her pussy just as she stepped off me. She immediately looked at my semen-shooting cock , and studied it while I was still oozing. This attention was so incredible. She really enjoyed doing this, as had I. While laying there for a moment, she looked at me again and only mentioned that she would love to have that happening again soon. And that was it. I got dressed, she kissed me at the door, and I left. Awkward, but absolutely intense.

And yes, we did meet one other time, which was mostly the same intense encounter.  It might in many ways be not the smartest thing to do, but it was one of my most intense encounters. Even if it meant going in for another STD-check, Jasmine was absolutely amazing. Sure, the guild hit me a bit later, since I am not the guy for sex-only encounters. I like to know the person I am with, making it very special. But I have to admit, Jasmine was the only exception.

The Hard Work That Is Cheating

Cheating is hard, very hard work.

Well, of course, I am not talking about the act of the cheating itself, but to keep it all under control. So even if you are just contemplating to look for love outside of your marriage, keep in mind, it is difficult. Unless of course you don't give about the fact that it can seriously hurt, or destroy your current relation completely. For those people, well, cheating might be a way to finish whatever you had with your significant other, but then it seems that your relationship had ended already a long time ago.

Cheating is delicious, but also quite risky... but delicious nontheless

No, I assume that still the majority of the cheaters - and keep in mind, 57% of all married men admit to having an affair during their marriage, and 54% of all married women admit to it - have looked and experienced love outside their marriage (read more statistics here) have done it while still loving their marriage. So, it is more about finding something that you have lost in your marriage over the years than wanting to hurt your spouse or even risk your marriage. That means that the affair needs to stay hidden.

And, well, if you are contemplating to find another person to love, be prepared. Because keeping that a secret requires a lot of discipline. Because, according to the same statistics, only 31% of the marriages in which an affair has been discovered, continues.
And myself, being one of the ones who had admitted to having an affair to my wife count myself lucky the be the one still having my marriage. Because, and you can read that in previous postings, I love my marriage. Just, it is not perfect. By far not.

Anyway, here are some things you really, really need to prepare before you even are going on your search:

1. Ignore The Temptation

This is one of the things I found the hardest. Once you connect with someone, you are reunited with your old friends; butterflies. And you will feel the same way as you did in high school when the object of your affection even gave you a glimpse of attention during math class.
And if you remember that time, and can recall your own behavior, your mind was pretty much occupied. Well, that will happen again.

And as you might know, once someone is feeling that feeling of love again, you can read it from their behavior. So, rule numbero uno! Stay in control of yourself, dude! When you are with your spouse, try to keep the other one off your mind, and try to be aware of your own behavior.

This also means, not wanting to check your email all the time. If you haven't done that before, you surely don't want to raise suspicions right now.

2. Multi-task!

If you are a techie, you know what the real description of multi-tasking is. Believe me, it is not what every woman tells when she mention she can, and you can't multi-task. Real multi-tasking is to do 2 or more completely different things, at exactly the same time, in their own environments.

So, you have to become this person who is two people at the same time. Once you decide to cheat, you will not be a wife or husband with a girlfriend or boyfriend on the side. No. You will be a wife and a husband. AND you will be a boyfriend or girlfriend of your affair-partner. And you will keep those two apart.

This is why you hear enough people talking about having two phones. One is their personal phone, the other one their sex-phone. I think that is actually overkill, but it is good to keep it all separated. Make sure you have different email addresses for the affair partner, and that he or she doesn't know your real email address.

A little bit too much of a alter ego, but sexy it is

3. Role-Play

Continuing on that; now that you understand you have to create a separate ego for your affair, let's take the role-playing a little bit further. Give yourself a new name too. Keep your first name (otherwise you will mix names up when your lover is talking to you) but change your last name. And while we are at it, also change your age about 2 years. You will still look the part, but you are not easy to spot. Also, make your alter ego a lot like you, this will keep you natural in your acting. Don't make it completely the same.

Also, when you are getting used to your role as this alter ego, you will notice advice #2 will be easier to handle. Because in the end, you will switch completely over to your normal self when you come home.

4. Don't Call!

It is so tempting to call... but don't!

Calling is one of two direct forms of communication you can have. The other one is meeting. Calling is also the one thing that is most easily traced. Believe me, this is why I got in trouble. With emailing with someone else, there is a good way to hide your tracks without having to be a hacker. Just simply using a web based email system (never use your own email on your computer itself) is fine as long as you chose a difficult password and don't attach your photo to it.

But calling, no matter how, is tracked to your phone, and your phone provider can always show directly who called, or who you called with. Not only that, it shows the number in the tracking list. And this is easily found on your phone by your spouse.
Of course you can lock your phone, but if you have never done that in the past, it only raises suspicion.

If you want to call, please make sure you use a service like Google Voice, in which you can set up a separate phone number and have your voice-mail and your call log off-site, and you can even use that number then to make calls from your phone to your lover.

5. Don't Get Sloppy

If your affair continues, don't think you are a pro. Because you are not. Don't do anything to raise suspicion, which also means that you should be really aware of what you are doing. Getting lazy and sloppy is the #1 reason of being caught. So, now that you are using a fictional character for your alter ego, a separate mail account on a web-based service (with an email address that matches your character), make sure you use difficult passwords that your spouse cannot guess. Make sure you never are satisfied with a password that doesn't come out 'strong' when the indicator when you make up one. This is a good thing to do anywhere, always, and not only for cheating. Also, never chose a password that you also use for your personal things.

Yeah, yeah, I hear you whine about having so many passwords to remember. Well, you want to cheat and not be caught, don't you? Well then, Man/Woman Up!

But don't make use of any services that make it easier to log in, or see your email faster. So, don't automatically store your passwords. Don't have your email box installed on your computer. Sure, it all takes longer, but it also prevents you from being caught.

6. Sex Smells!

Oh, so you finally made it to this passionate love happening. You meet him/her, and you share a passionate couple of hours between the sheets.
Keep in mind, being with someone is a smelly business. I don't mean it is a bad smell. Oh, I love the smell of sex, of a woman's vagina, her perfume... everything about her! But, well, smells have the tendencies to carry along. So, when you arrive home, your wife/husband might catch a whiff of your lover. And believe me, your spouse knows that smell.

True, men usually don't make the link with things that fast. But don't underestimate your ignorant husband, he knows the smell of sex. He might not immediately link it to you as a cheating wife, but be aware. And for you husbands... if she smells that, you're caught.

Cleany!

So, when you meet, prepare for it. In the planning, don't feel awkward to ask your lover not to wear perfume or after-shave/eau de Cologne. Sure, you want to look your best, with all the added fancies, but, just be very careful about it.

Now, that takes care of one of the two smell-issues. The sex smell itself though, is more difficult. I love giving the woman a lot of attention, also with the fingers and the tongue. And, no matter how well you wash afterwards, that smell goes away slowly. So, make sure you have a hand sanitizer in your car. One that is not sweet or lemon scented, but not scented at all. You don't want to smell all citrusy when you come home, that will rise even more suspicion.

If you give oral, believe me, your face smells too. Hand sanitizer won't do the trick here. Just clean up with preferably facial soap. And, go to your nearest Starbucks for a Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Why? Coffee and Cinnamon messes your breath up. Or go to your deli and order a salami-cheese sandwich. Salami has a lot of the same smell-components as the private parts, believe it or not. And the cheese has a fatty taste that can also be smelled. If you take one of these, and just behave normally... you'll be fine.

7. Act Normal

I just mentioned it, and this is important. Act normally. Don't feel threatened. If your spouse suspects something, they might test you. Even if they do, don't over act your role. Just, feel comfortable, and if you followed up on my points, there should not be something to worry about. Of course, there may be, simply do not give in to temptation to worry. That will raise a red flag with your spouse.

8. Set Rules

When you go into an extra-marriage affair, set rules with your partner. Don't set the rule that you won't have sex. It might sounds like a good ideal, but it is not. If you have a passionate love affair, there will be sex. Also, keep in mind, that it is the affair that is the problem, not the sex. If you are caught when having an affair, even if it is a sexless one, you could just as well have gone all the way.

Why?

Simple. Your spouse knows now not to trust you. So, why should he/she trust you when you say that there was no sex involved. You might speak the truth here, but it will only be considered a lie.

No, set rules like when you are available to write, or call (with Google Voice, mind you!). What might be possibilities to meet, where, and how. Always make sure you meet somewhere where you can clean up! And always make the rule of a code-word. Just like in BDSM, you need a word that your affair partner recognizes you by that something is wrong.

Actually, you need two. One to let the other one know there is danger ahead. The second code-word is the 'kill-switch' code-word. The first one make sure your partner immediately leaves you alone for the moment. The second one immediately terminates your relationship, no questions asked. This includes removing all emails, your Google Voice account, everything. Bye-bye. It might be difficult, but you don't want to take the risk.

9. Chose Your Partner Carefully

You can have followed up all these points stated previously. It will only work out, if your affair-partner does the same thing. And affair is like a balloon where both partners are responsible for one side. You might keep your side so safe, if your partner slips, the whole balloon will pop, also your beautifully safe side.

This is what got my affair out in the open. I did follow up on all the rules, my partner, almost. But she wanting to call me, and I had made the slip of letting her call me once. Once her husband became suspicious, he got hold of her phone, and she never cleared her phone list. All the other numbers he knew, mine, he did not.

Find an intelligent partner, and once it becomes serious, lay down the rules, and you have to be the judge of character if the person might not only be a wonderful lover, but also someone who treats the affair as well as you do. If you are married, I would always advice looking for a lover who is married too. Only then you know your partner values the secrecy and discretion as much as you do.

10. Always Respect Your Spouse

This list only works if you are one of the cheaters who still loves their spouse. You know that the affair might hurt them badly (keep in mind, statistics show that there are a lot of marriages with both partners cheating, you might not be alone ;-) ). Keep in mind this is not about you, your affair will affect both of you. Even if your spouse does not find out.

If you start an affair, you have to consider the consequences when it comes out. That it might end your marriage, the loss of custody over the children or the pets, and maybe losing your house. Take a moment to think about this, and ask yourself, is it really worth all that?
Then, when you thought about that, look at your spouse tonight, see him or her as he or she is in the normal life. And then imagine really hurting them emotionally to the bone.
Then, make the decision again.

I don't want to be a buzzkill, but having an affair is something with far reaching consequences. And you will understand now why I mention these 10 points. Once you are in an affair, keep in mind that ultimately, your spouse is in control of your marriage and everything you own. Maybe he/she doesn't know that yet, but that doesn't make it any less so.

Good couple... using the condoms. They were stronger than I was

Also, and please do, have protection. Yes, in my previous post I talked about the wonder of having sex without protection, but I also mention that as a man, you have to plan that far, far ahead. So, start now. Buy a pack of condoms, have a very secret place to hide them (not in the car!!!!) or simply buy them once you go out to meet your partner (and throw the remainder out. Yes, it costs a couple of dollars more, but you don't want to get caught).
You affair partner might as well be carrying an STD. Don't take it home. Also, if your partner confesses to have an std, stop the relationship immediately. Even if there is the promise of sex. Don't do it. Even if you think that wearing a condom is preventing you from getting it, just, don't do it!
And STD will put your affair in the spotlight. But not only that, you expose your spouse to it.

The End

So, these 10 points might take the fun out of the thought of cheating a bit. But you can thank me later. And if you do, enjoy your affair to the fullest. And all these rules will become normal to you within no-time. And you will have the most delicious, sexual, passionate relationship.

Also, keep in mind, an affair might also be the solution to a dormant marriage. Don't always discard an affair as being bad for the marriage...