My Impossible Wish List

It is already spring and a while ago since I did my last post. It maybe not so weird as very little has happened over the last couple of months. I have been extremely faithful which is actually a good subject here.

When I had encounters with other women, sometimes as a relationship, sometimes as a business deal as a 'service' or during a massage visit where at least part of my desires were satisfied. It sounds so weird but I very well understand that what I am looking for is most likely something I will never find. And that idea starts to settle.

Yes, I have to admit, the massages are a real relief.

As I wrote in earlier postings is that I indeed find a lot of relieve now with massages and visiting an escort. But that is simply satisfying on a physical level. Don't get me wrong, I personally think it is a great way to find that relieve while not getting involved into something disastrous. Better yet, believe it or not, my wife is actually up to date about it as well.
If you have followed my earlier postings, the sexless situation in our marriage is not completely unexpected, and having a sexual connection going on outside of the marriage that does not involve 'feelings' is also something she saw as a good solution.

But that also made it very clear, sex is just 'sex' if no feelings are involved. I loved being with the escort; she was cute, sweet and very sexy. My masseuse is sweet, cute, not very sexy but gives a hell of a massage and knows what makes me feel exceptionally satisfied.

But the problem is, nothing is expected of me. Oh, to fork over the dough, of course. It is not a bad thing; because it indeed gives me all the love at home, and all the sex as a service. So, perfect solution, no?

Well, no.

With an escort, it is almost like 'shopping' which is actually
what I did not like so much. The woman was beautiful in a girl-next-door
look, but still, it is too arranged. Too, weird.

As I said, nothing is expected of me. During the massage I am just laying on the table, have to turn over when my masseuse tells me, and just be showered and trimmed when I arrive. She'll take care of everything else.

The escort filled me with all the praise. That she loved more heavyset guys that have chest hair. She loved everything about me, even let me kiss her and kissed back passionately. And I loved licking her, cannot help it, but I also wanted to prove myself to her.
But I do not know if everything was real, and I assume it was not. Who knows. It does not matter.

But that is the problem, I want it to matter. Sex with someone who wants you badly, just like you want that someone, is something so very special. The desire to be with that person, touch her, discover her... the real passionate lust. Not lust for sex, but the lust for that someone.

And that makes what I am looking for so much more difficult to find and that I am starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, I will be settling for just what is happening right now.
Because I want to feel passionate for a woman, love her without the love as in a relationship. And I want her to feel absolutely the same towards me. Discrete, beautiful, sexy, and desiring the companionship as much as I do while also understanding that being married brings in a lot of agenda collisions.

So, if you dissect that wish-list completely, it is like asking for world-peace and the perfect apple-strudel a la mode at the same time. It is not going to happen.

Ah, but then, don't you need to set your aim high?

My friend Porn, meet my other friend Erotica!

Let's just talk a little bit of porn here. Just, plain porn. As you might have guessed from my last couple of postings, porn has played a very big part in my life. Porn is like my best friend who still doesn't remember my name after 35 years of loyalty. Porn is the friend I like to hate, but can't live without.

Gorgeous erotica, (c) PK-FOTO.nl

My friend porn is a bit jealous of my friend Erotica. And to put it all in perspective, let's say my friend Porn is a dude, and my friend Erotica is this sweet girl next door that my wife is not allowed to know that I love to spy on her. Because, well, Erotica is also a good friend of my wife. My wife doesn't mind Porn, but always likes it if he leaves again.

The problem is, Erotica, sweet as she is, she always brings Porn along, but he always shows up late, while Erotica shows up on time. In other words, Erotica always is followed by porn.

I love erotica. I have loved it from the very first moments that I saw it. Don't be mistaken, it is different than watching naked women. I can see a naked woman, and it might not have the impact that well made erotica does. When seeing a naked woman, even if she is beautiful; if I am not in the mood, it might look beautiful, but it is not having such an impact. Erotica is showing a woman (or a man) in such a way that it arouses you. Erotica doesn't have to be explicit, it doesn't even have to be nude or partially nude. Erotica can be created with a look in a woman's eye directed towards the viewer. It is lifting the skirt just a little bit so that you see the line of her lingerie. Well done erotica is the perfect balance of showing something that makes you warm inside, has that tingling feeling creep up on you softly, and takes your mind of the every day problems and get them into a state of arousal and happiness.
I always, without a single exception, am happy after seeing erotica.

So, actually, officially and biologically, this doesn't
make any sense. But fuck... it is sexy!
(c) julesjordan.com

Porn is different. Porn is not about the mood, it is about the explicitness, seeing every beautiful body in actually a very natural way. We always say that erotica is more like how sex should be, but, well, from nature's point of view it seems that porn is more biological sensible than erotica is. Alright, this statement immediately falls flat on its face because porn became a lot more than just showing people 'procreate'. Fucking each other to produce a next generation. I mean, squirting a fresh load of semen on a woman's face does nothing to populate this planet. Actually, biologically, it shows that a man might not even be intelligent enough to keep his cock inside of her until he ejaculates. I mean, sorry, but have you ever been in a woman? Reaching that orgasm? Where do people get the strength to actually pull it out? I don't know if I should be in awe of these people, or that I should start worrying about the average level of our next generation?

But even though porn might be littered with things that make no sense to the way of the world; anal sex is not helping her get pregnant (let's hope not), nor does watching a woman play with herself with a wide arsenal of toys. Better yet, lesbian sex, or homosexual or bi-sexual sex, also does not really do anything to do things, but fuck, it can be so good to watch!

More erotica, going far, but, still pretty tasty.

Erotica, however, makes in that perspective no sense at all. It is the teasing, but not really following up to the promise. It is like building up to a cliff-hanger that never get's a next episode. It is great to get into the mood, even stay in the mood, but I guess here is going to be the difference between the majority of men and the majority of women. Men love to then zoom in on more. We love to see the erotica, I think there is no man who doesn't like it, but after that, we want to see more. And the moment we get beyond that point, we just want to see it, in all detail, explicit and everything. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of women also like to see it, but I personally don't believe that there is any guy who can stick with just erotica, while I know a lot of women who do.

In the beginning I was more or less joking with my wife not liking my friend Porn. But, it is not completely true. Although I have mentioned that our marriage has some kinks that sadly cannot be straightened out, we both love Erotica and Porn. And my wife understands very well that Porn is more my friend than hers, she still can get along with him. We love it actually so much that our house is also filled with antique nudes, and we have collections of erotic literature and also magazines. We love to take photos of models, trying to create photos that are a perfect balance between erotica and porn. Something that shows a lot, is explicit enough, but not going over the deep end.

I do like going over the deep end. Oh, you can show me anything if I am in the mood; it cannot be explicit enough, with any kind of bodily fluid involved, at any location, dressed in whatever or without whatever clothing and with whomever or whatever. Of course I would like to show myself with a little more class, but come on, who am I kidding?

There is not a single one of you who can say this is not erotic, and not pornographic, at the same time. Fuck, the ladies from
X-Art.com are in my opinion the first ones who really are getting close to get it down to an art. Wow!

But, that balancing on the edge of erotica and porn, is actually very interesting. And there is not a lot out there of it. It should be naughty, it should be explicit, it should be like what if Erotica and Porn had a love-child. There is not enough of that.

Sooooo... for the first time I will actually invite you readers that if you know erotica that in your idea meet this criteria, respond to this posting. Of course, that is for all of you that made it through another one of my lengthy articles ;)

Enjoy!

When Cheating Becomes... A Chore

Not too long ago I was invited to a woman's house for just simply oral sex. I missed it so much. Giving oral sex is to me much more intimate than just sex, because it is so much more up close and personal. I do enjoy it the most of all the sexual acts. And this woman was craving it, since most partners did want to fuck her, but did not want to lick her. 

And I loved every single moment of it. It just was delicious. She was clean, sexy and absolutely a Michelin star quality. After she had orgasmed intensely she rewarded me with returning the favor. I have had a number of blow-jobs of different women during my life, but I have to be honest that hardly any was really good or interesting. But this lady was amazing. I could have it going on for hours the way she did it. But the moment did arrive and I enjoyed a very intense orgasm myself.
When I left, she begged me to visit her again soon, when her husband was away. As she did as well through email later on. Even then, although our arraignment was just to have oral sex, she told me that if I accidentally would slide it in, she might not refuse me being inside of her.

Another lady who I wrote with for over a year with who I have a normal friendship, turned the heat up underneath it and invited me over to meet her because her husband did not satisfy her. And she wanted to rent out a motel room so badly to just experience pure lust, the two of us.

I ended up meeting no one. Oh, believe me, parts of me wanted to badly, but it felt just as if it wasn't worth it anymore. I did not cheat often on my wife since I had to confess to her that I did it, now almost three years ago. Actually, I only have been once inside of another woman since then. 
And it is not that the scenery has changed, but more that something feels like it is becoming a bother. It becomes sex for the sex. When I was younger, I could have sex with anyone. I had sex with models, as well as women who were - slightly said - not so pretty. Some where young, some were twice my age. It was more about how sexual someone was that made me want to be with them. And although I behaved so very well before I lost my virginity; I made up a lot after that moment in time. 

But now, especially after I felt the fear of my life slipping away by leaving it in my wife's hand

what to do after I confessed to her, it feels that it should be more than just sex. My body aches for it, begs me to find a woman and just fuck her. But my mind is not that blend. I want to find a woman who is unique, gorgeous, delicious and lovely and smart. I want to be really attracted to her, wanting to be with her and thinking of her when I close my eyes. So that when we can be together alone, the desire and passion is much more intense than a 'quickie'.

I hear my old self beating me up, calling me a fool. But maybe it is more life experience. I would like to be with someone special if I am going to risk it all again. Someone gorgeous, and someone who puts me under her spell. It is too easy to cheat, harder to do it right.

Nepali Passion... How Cheating Can Get Too Risky

There would not be a single man alive, married or not, that
would have been able to resist.

I talk about the cheating from a very objective point of view. It is something I have under control; it is something I plan and find a special place for in my life. Well, that is how it might seem, and what I do try to achieve. But sometimes, something more might happen. Something I try to avoid at all costs is to have to concept of love come between the cheating and my regular life.
But once it hits, no matter how accidentally it might be, how do you get out of it? And do you want to?

I experienced this once. Even though I had been writing with this woman for a time, which was very casual, simple, and mostly because of friendship, we decided to meet. She knew I was married, I knew she was divorced, and we just wanted to meet. Nothing special. Well, nothing special... we had been talking about the lacking of passion in both our lives, and the need for a hug from someone.

But this certain Friday night, we decided to meet and we mentioned this little coffee place for the early evening. But halfway through the afternoon I notice the hesitation, and she called the meeting off, which might have been better anyway. So, I planned the evening alone at home, since my wife was away on a trip. Simply with a pizza and a movie, not doing anything that would be in any way productive.

Adorable, and quite close in
resemblance. Of course, this is not her.
But oh boy, does she bring back
memories.

But just before I settled in, she wrote me asking if I still might be willing to meet her. But since it was already getting later in the evening and the coffee place was closed. She wanted me to come by her place, but then, she did not feel completely comfortable with meeting a stranger at her place, which was totally fine with me. So she asked me to come to her town, and drive under her directions, and then meet here in front of her home.
And so I did. And in the total darkness, an hour later, I called her to mention that I should be somewhere nearby. She guided, and misguided me accidentally, a couple of times, but in the end I arrived, and saw this pretty woman standing outside, with her hands up, waving towards my car and holding a phone. I got out, we hugged, and she walked a little bit with me towards her apartment and guided me in.
We had a wonderful little talk, simple, honestly, and fun. About the things we talked prior to that evening, and why she suddenly wanted to back out, but in the end still decided to meet me. And it was simply a pleasant meeting in which we got to know each other.
Then, when we picked up our drinks and walked to her living room, she put the glasses aside, wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. Simply mumbling barely audible, that she appreciated so much that I was there. I wrapped my arms around her, and we stood like that for a little while. Totally in silence, just a pleasant hug, quietly, safe. Then she looked up, and I looked into her eyes, almost as black as night, almost as black as her long thick wavy hair. Her slightly tinted skin, and it was then that I literally melted in her arms. And without a word being said, our lips touched, and I felt her small pointy tongue find a way to play with mine, and the kiss became long, passionate, something incredible.
While grasping for air, I whispered "I want you..." by which she immediately stopped kissing, looked at me again, and simply asked; "Do you mean that?". Of course I meant it, but I just nodded and everything happened incredibly fast. She dragged me to her sofa, pushed me down into it. Unbuttoned my pants and undid the tie and pulled my lose. Without looking away but gazing into my eyes she removed her black panties from under her dress and crawled on top of me on the couch. I felt her fingers finding my cock, keeping it straight up, and then felt her slide over me, het heat touching me so smoothly and moisty. We did not talk, and she laid her head in my neck and felt her hard breating while she pumped herself on top of me. Her wetness made it so very smooth, her tightness so incredibly sexy, and soon I noticed why she jumped me like that, as she came within the minute while riding me. I felt her squeeze hard with her pussy, the trembling and shaking, and then put my deep inside of her while she experienced the slowly slowing down impact of her orgasm.

Did this just happen to me? I looked at her. This woman was stunningly beautiful. As I mentioned in earlier post, looks usually are not that important to me, it is the sexiness, the lust that my lover has, that makes me so into her. But I could not deny, this woman, let's call her Sara, simply was incredible. And within minutes of walking in the door she threw me on the couch and fucked me? I was still hard as I could be, and after she caught a breath, she bend down a bit backwards, still me inside of her, and apologized for her behavior, but that she had not have any sex since her divorce which was 5 months prior to that.

But while she was explaining, she softly started rocking, keeping me inside, fucking me so tenderly while we were actually having a conversation. And I did not want it to end. And it did not. And she didn't either. She stood up, undressed herself completely, while I did the same thing, and we went into one of those rare nights with hours of sexual play. Sometimes foreplay, sometimes fucking, and sometimes simply laying in each other's arms.
She was so incredible, so delicious, so sexy, that I could not ever refuse her delicious behind. And while licking her, I noticed how she raised her hips, and pulling her butt-cheeks apart, and without hesitation I licked here there too, immediately responded with heavy moaning, especially when I had my finger slide into her too.
Our night of sex brought us throughout her whole apartment, ending eventually with her passionately riding me once again in front of the window, where she at last ignored my warning of me almost coming, and instead looked at me and increased the pace in which the fucked me, and had me this time ejaculate forcefully inside of her. After at least 4 hours of our sexual game we were both incredibly exhausted, and she lay next to me, and we held each other close, kissed softly, and just laid there, on the floor, with each other.

This night was not something normal. When I drove home, I also noticed I could not get her out of my mind. Not just sexually, but how she behaved, how she looked. Two weeks later, just after my birthday, we met again at her apartment. And this time, she opened the door wearing a gorgeous lingerie outfit, lacking the underwear, mentioning that this was my birthday present and she bought it just for me.

Another night of pure erotic pleasure followed, and this time, we made sure it was even more incredible than it already was. I could not forget her eyes, her smile, the soft voice, the exotic looks. I kissed her goodnight way in the early hours of the morning, and noticed how absolutely smitten I was by this lady from Nepal. And that got us both thinking, and she actually wrote me that this might not be good. She knew my situation, I knew hers, and what we could give each other was less than what we wanted to. I am glad she was that strong though. If she would have asked me for other nights, I would not have been able to resist. And it would have become a very dangerous game to play.
I would not be able to resist! I could not even get her out of my mind! And I know by now, even though I might appear to be so in control; we all know I am not.

Because we all know that no man is in control with sex if a woman is involved. Even the promise of sex just makes our thinking blurry. Even if we have the best of best intentions.
Yes, I know, we are the weaker of the sexes... but enjoying it.

Actually, I Have Been Good!

Just... just.... delicious!

So I am writing this blog about cheating and sex. And as you might know by now, I enjoy sex immensely, even when I actually don't have it that often. But even when writing about the sex with other women, it does not automatically mean that my life is boring at home.
Honestly... it mostly is. I have written before that the lack of sex in our marriage is one of the reasons why I ended up looking for it somewhere else.

But don't let me be only about that. There are good sex stories to be found here too. So, it is easy to write about my escapades, but I will let you now into a more intimate area of my life. I will show you a bit of our sex life, when it is actually good. Let me take you away to a couple of weeks ago.

I was visiting a friend and met him in the center of the country. We do that regularly, since we live a continent far away, and twice every year we meet each other in the dead center. We meet each other, and talk about the good old times during the day. And usually when the night falls, in the hotel we each sit on our own bed, masturbating to porn. We know each other now for eons, and since we both started noticing our interest in women, it started out by swapping out each other's Playboys and Penthouses. We are now 20 years further down the line, and now it is watching porn and jerking off. No, nothing else. It is just that missing the sexual freedom at home, it is a relief to just be yourself and let yourself go.
This year, we actually had the possibility of being with a woman, but we both resisted the temptation to cheat. And we still keep asking ourselves: why?

So, during the stay there, I did release some ejaculate. And refreshed I arrived home from a fly and drive back home, where I was greeted by my wife. The rest of the evening was uneventful and I went to bed early, being all revived again the following day to come to work.

It was after midnight that I woke up again, and something that was, to me, a brand new experience. I felt my wife's lips on mine, kissing me softly, and in the darkness I saw her hovering over me. It actually took me some time to realize that what woke me up, was her hands on my erect cock, her soft hands jerking the skin up and down, producing some pre-cum already while I barely had my eyes open.

"I missed you. I want you." she said softly, and her continuous motion already had mesmerized me. Her naked body, her breasts so close to me. Usually, when we have sex, we have a lot of foreplay. But this time, I saw a whole different beast in my very own wife. The woman who rather watched Criminal Minds than anything erotic. Here she was, suddenly, the woman I met so many years ago, already crawling over me and her soft intimate lips spreading over my cock. With a fluid motion she slid over me till her crotch hit mine, her very wetness making the movement extremely slippery.

Now, I don't know how many of you have a not such a desirable sex life at home. But you might
know the feeling of when that happens, also not to put too much effort in it anymore. Sex will become the basic movements and 'Oh!' (You) and 'Oh! (Her, sadly enough sometimes optional) and done. With us it is mostly the same, although the 'Oh!' (Her) I try to squeeze into it when possible. But you never really go outside of the box.
But I was tired, not completely awake, and we became dirty again. She grinded herself on me, thrusting my cock hitting her womb. It was pure fucking, not in a negative way. In an extremely good way. It was the honest porno fuck. Twenty minutes of raw intercourse., and it became better and better with every moment. Especially when I talked to her mentioning her fucking her favorite tv star. 'You want Jim Caviezel to fuck you, no?' I said. She always try to stay in control, but when I mentioned that I was him (Yeah, right!, I wish!) and how it was to have his cock bare inside of her, she moaned, mentioning she needed him inside of her. The thought for her got into her mind, and I noticed it in her temperature and behavior.
'Do you want him to cum inside of you?'
'Hmmmm... yeah!'
'Do you want him to shoot his sperm inside your tight pussy?'
'I want it!'
'Do you want him to knock you up?'
And this role game came to an explosive end for both of us, at the same time, when she told me strongly; 'Yessss, Fuck me pregnant! Fuck Me! Cum!'
And I felt myself explode, shooting my ropes of come deep inside of her. Feeling our juices together mix and covering us both.

She told me she actually felt a bit ashamed of it, the day after. I mentioned I liked it a lot, and that I am not a jealous type in that way.

Of course, we haven't had sex since. But that was to be expected. But sometimes, there are these little moments, that just make things feel better.... seem I don't always have to be with another woman. This time, I have been good!

The Night Before

I could not write a blog about cheating, if I would not be totally honest. I am not a player in the field. I am not with different women all the time. Actually, I have not been with very many. And finding someone is a selection process. Oh, in the past I have been with different kind of women, but I could never enjoy the one night stand thing. There was lust, but no passion. And I felt guilty afterwards, and that was when I was not cheating. I decided back then, sex had to be more than just that. It was not just about sticking it in and come to an orgasm. No. Especially when risking all while cheating, there has to be more than just sex.

About a year ago, I 'met' a woman online, just with emailing, and we got more and more entangled in private conversations. And I think there is some kind of sixth sense under cheaters to recognize each other, and we found out soon enough that we were both in the same situation. But it took much longer to actually think about meeting.

But!

Tomorrow we will. Quit unexpected I have a meeting scheduled in the village she works in, and as if there is luck involved, we just started talking again after a hiatus of silence. And although this is not a meeting for sex, we both have already aroused each other enough to know we want it both. But not tomorrow. I insist first of meeting in a public place, not because of safety, but simply, to find out if a person in real is the person we both would like to take the risk with. You can write anything, and make someone go crazy about you, but if there is no spark, it is not going to happen.

I am a guy, and with enough absence of sex in my life, lust would drive me to do it with anyone, so, that first meeting has to be with my mind in control. Although in our emails we have discussed the scenarios of both wanting it so much that at a Starbucks, when we met, we rip each other's clothes off, and me penetrating her in the comfy chairs, forgetting everyone around us, bringing ourselves to intense orgasms under the watchful eyes of our audience.

Ah, but no, tomorrow there will be coffee... And most likely a kiss.

The Honest Cheater Begins...

I Cheat.

Yes, I have cheated in the past, I have been cheated on, and most likely, I will again cheat in the future. So, let's get that out in the open. So to make very clear, this will be a blog about cheating. Not the cheating in games, or hiding some Ace of Spades up your sleeve. Nope, I mean the top sport under all married people, the things we all love to deny so very much... cheating on your spouse or significant other.

The reason why I want to start this blog? It is actually very simple, I could not find one. Not one that was honest. Hence, the title of this blog. I will be the honest cheater. I will be honest about my personal opinion about it, but also let you all in on some of the things that happened to me, problems, solutions etc.

But, before half of the readers might go into a frenzy, I think almost every cheater knows and understand this... but there is more to cheating that betraying a partner. Nobody got into a marriage or long-term relationship to just walk off with someone else. And I was an idealistic person in the past, and thought it would never happen to me... but the world is a bit different than I thought.

So, yes, this will be a blog about cheating. And yes, it will also be sexual too. But I also would like you to just feel welcome here on my blog. Opinions are always allowed, and I know there will be a lot of opinions with people who will be reading this. But my message is; let's stay civilized.

So, let me first introduce myself... which I will do in the next posting.