How My Morales Flew Out The Window

My first experience with cheating was way, way before I got married, and way before I even met the wonderful woman who eventually would become my wife. My first experience with it was actually the other way around; I was the one who was cheated on.

Ah, a non-sexual image! Sorry, but it fit the story here.

I actually was this very naive, idealistic and moralistic boy who had his mind set on a couple of things;
1. I would love my virginity to the one and true one.
2. I would always stay faithful.

Heh... yeah... right.

Well, that is what I thought at that moment. And because of #1 I stayed a virgin well into my twenties. Not because I didn't have a possibility to lose it, but simply because I of course did not have the guts to even approach the girl I fell in love with. Long story short, a long, long time later, I met this Scandinavian girl. It took a while, but eventually we fell in love, and became this couple, completely consumed by each other. And the best of all, she also was extremely into sex. Into many different fetishes of which she introduced many into my life that still form a lot of my sexual desires.

This all went very fine. Sex was an incredible part of our relationship, and for me my sexual life went from 0 to 60mph overnight. We could be walking somewhere, and she would drag me in the shrubs, unbutton my pants and gave me the best blow-job ever right there. Or she could drag me into a crowded women's restroom, into a stall, lock it, and fuck me right there.

She always tried to pick the hotels that had the mirrors around us, because she wanted us both to see everything, from every angle, in all the detail.

But don't get me wrong, it was not that it was too much. No, the sex was amazing, but our relationship was incredible as well. Well, we had too make the best of it, because we saw each other only twice a year for a couple of weeks. Then she had to go back, or I did.

And visiting in Northern Scandinavia itself was special too. Making love outside while the Northern Lights showed up above us. Enjoying the sauna's and then, in between sessions, walking outside in the snow naked to let our bodies cool off.

But also here, I was too naive. Knowing that a woman was so filled with desire, could mean only two things; or she built up that desire over the time that we did not see each other, or, she always had this... and she then would have to find a relief.
Of course, at that moment, I did not even consider the second option.

Well, until Christmas Eve came by and in the middle of the night I received a phone-call, and between the moans I heard the voice of my drunken girlfriend, asking me if I could guess what she was doing. Of course, my heart sank, while she explained me that at that moment she was being banged by her former boyfriend. It was the shortest phone-call we have ever had.

Of course, it doesn't go like this, but this might be described how it feels.

The next day she called back, apologetic, telling me she never meant that to happen, but she was drunk, and needed it. And she also mentioned she thought I might enjoy the thought she was fucking while I had her on the phone. That I might be into that.

That marked the end of our relationship, and I was broken at the time. And I promised, never, ever to do that to someone I loved. Ever.

Well, and here I am, writing a blog about my cheating. Sigh. Sometimes I cannot even think about the hurt I might have brought to my wife when I confessed to doing it. There are many excuses that I might have to talk it all right, but, in the end... is there any good excuse? And I honestly mean this question, I see both the good and the bad in cheating.

Look, as it showed in the statistics I told about yesterday, half of all married women and married man cheat. And these are people who admit to it. There is a whole bunch of people who will not admit to it. So, let's assume that out of every 5 married couples you know, at lest 3 of the men and 3 of the women cheat. And a lot of these people will tell the world how bad it is. How irresponsible and bad you are behaving.

But it seems to be that only the minority is really faithful. And sure, there are many reasons, right and wrong, to be cheating. But I do think that a lot of relationships would not have to deal with it, as long as they communicate well. But, as it was also in our marriage, along the way, you start to keep sexual desires to yourself, because you are afraid that your spouse might not be into it.

After I confessed, we were forced to really talk about the lack of sex; the why, and how to continue. None of us wanted the marriage to fail. So, after that, there was nothing to hold back, and the darkest secrets came up. Mind you, I was not the only one with secrets, although I was the only one with the physical contacts.

And from that moment on, it seemed that we started to understand how this game works. This was just a significant part of our marriage; knowing each other. Now that my wife knows a lot of my sexual fetishes and desires, it is easier to talk about it. Also the other way around. And even though there are some medical reasons why sex will not return into our marriage, the sexual mindset has been discovered. There is more privacy, and we have a no-tell rule about physical contacts which I will explain more in detail in a later posting.

Anyway, we found a way to make it more or less work in our marriage. And instead of tearing the marriage apart, it seemed that the cheating somehow brought us closer together.

And that made me look back onto my old views on the world. Sex is an important part of life, affection even more, and showing someone your love even more. And just like with anything else that might be broken, you can fix it. Sometimes with the original parts; sometimes with new parts that you get somewhere else.