Who is the Honest Cheater?

Alright, I cannot begin this blog, without introducing myself.

I am Peter, in my early forties  guess it or not; I am actually happily married and have two children. Both girls and although I still do not understand them, and being a guy - I most likely never will, I love them till death. Just like I love my wife, mind you.

My wife knows about the cheating. I was more or less forced into a position where I had to confess to it, which was hard. Sure, I have a gazillion different excuses why I cheated, but in the end, that didn't matter. I had to tell her.

We were lucky. Although it caused first a pretty large speed-bump on the road of our relationship, now, a year later, it has made our marriage stronger than ever.

I have been growing up being an honest virgin for 24 years. No kidding. Not that I was some kind of hunchback, mind you. I actually was pretty popular with the girls growing up, but I still had my mind set on finding miss Right and experience my first sex with her. Sure, I masturbated like crazy from the moment I first found out that that thing between my legs was a far better toy than Lego. And I never stopped.
And just like I have a passion for pornography. Yup, although most of it is crap, I like the visual arts around erotica that is actually meant for arousal. So, even nowadays, I masturbate a lot, and look at a lot of porn. And my wife is absolutely okay with it. Well, she was, but for me, it was a bit weird.

Sex is important in our marriage, but it is not there.We both love to see it, but it is not there. We actually own a photo production studio where erotica is one of the big things, but we don't have sex. We want to, but can't. A hormonal disorder with my wife renders her almost lust-less. And I could still live with that. But hormones do more than making a woman horny, it also controls anything with affection; and we lost that. And at one moment, after 8 years, I gave up. I simply gave up trying to get some passion in our marriage. I love my wife, and did not want to confront her anymore with telling her that did not work out this way. I don't want to have sex when she doesn't want to.

So, I actually found the easy way to avoid it all. Finding a woman who would love to experience an encounter was not hard to find. Craigslist, in the end, was just a playground, as I found out. And I tried beating around the bush when women responded on my posting, but that never worked out. Until, I found out I just had to be honest. I remember that the header was 'Cheater is looking for someone to cheat with'. And the lottery fell; as I found out, I was anything but the only married person looking for simple affection. It was not about the sex! So many people, just, lacking the passion in their marriage way before they even were in their thirties, and starting to realize that the rest of their lives would be passion-less and sex-less.

And believe me, the first time I thought it was about missing sex. I actually underestimated myself, and found women who loved to simply invite me over for sex. It was easy, quick, but for me, it did not satisfy what I thought I was missing. Sure, we had sex, and it was passionate, but over time, I found out sex to me alone is not what I was lacking... it needed to be a package deal. Passion, attraction and sex. Not just sex alone. And even that was found (and I will describe these experiences in all detail in future postings). Long story short; this beautiful and wonderful Latina lady was caught by her husband. And her husband started threatening me. I honestly cannot blame him, but, if my wife would learn it from anyone, it had to be me.

So, I confessed. And she got sad, then angry... and then she left for her parents...

And then, earlier than I had ever expected, she came back. To be honest, her mother had sent her back. Not to give me hell to pay, but actually, my wife apologized. Which, I don't think she ever had to do, but still, she did. And the thing she apologized for was for neglecting me. Don't get me wrong, she still hated my guts for cheating, but actually, we discovered that we needed to talk. And we did, and we learned to simply be open about ourselves, even if it means complaining about our relationship with constructive criticism. And so everything was spoken about, our marriage, sex, lack of, but also, fantasies, lust... and I think we learned more about each other than ever before.

Aha, all's well that ends well? Well... the readers who paid a little attention, noticed the mentioning of  '...and will most likely do it in the future again' reference in my first blog post. Yes, our marriage did not magically heal. We talk, we understand, but things are not perfect. Which also will be talked about in detail in the future.

But, that is a little bit about me, and the cheating during my marriage. Oh, there are a lot of stories to tell. And they all will be written, shared, yes, also in graphical detail... so, join in on the conversation if you want to, or follow my blog...