Not The Guy I Think I am

So, my last many postings are about my adventures during massages. And that for me it is the perfect balance to not really cheat, as my wife also provided permission for this solution to the absence of sex in our marriage (for the ones just checking in, because of a medical condition, sex is not something she can have often anymore) as long as it is by manual stimulation.

So, yes, I am such a perfect husband. Offering up my own desires to this partial solution that will get me through the time until I am permanently limp in about two decades :)

Well, nope.

Although I love the massages, and especially the one I have described in the posting before that was something amazing that still ranks very high on my list. I made the mistake to, at one moment, look happy ending massages up online. And there were two things I saw; the grainy hidden camera work showing what I also experienced; happy endings performed by hand until the release.
And then there were the high quality 'hidden cam' work that showed these overly beautiful girls that would halfway undress themselves, and end up going from manual stimulation to vaginal stimulation. Yeah, right! Not only that; but the 'hidden cam' also was able to change position all by itself? And in positions that you saw perfectly fine the girl reverse-cowgirl-ing the guy? Not a chance in hell!

Right?

Right!

I knew this was porn-fake. I absolutely did. Not in a massage parlor. But somehow I got to a blog of a massuese who indeed provides manual stimulation to her clients, and was addressing the 'full service' parlors and how to recognize them. She mentioned that the notion of a 'table shower' or the word 'acupressure' instead of 'acupuncture' are signs that they are full-service parlors.

They were real?

Also, she mentioned how they are not parlors but more brothels.

Fuck. Now this was on my mind. No, I should not. I did so very well of just doing this with the happy ending massages. I did not need to get my mind infested with these ideas. And the good guy that I am, I would not continue any research more in this area.

So, two weeks later I called up this parlor about half an hour away from my work. I had done my research, and this one actually got great reviews. Oh, sure, all kinds of reviews that describe everything in code-words. So, with just the research that I did and the deciphering of the code words, I thought I would do well. I read about the beauty of the girls, their 'soft services' etc. So as if asking a girl out for a very first date, I called up with my heart beating in my throat. I got a woman on the phone, asking if it was my first time, and that she was happy to have me over that afternoon and one of the masseuses would help me.

So, here I was. Trying to convince myself that I was just trying to find a new masseuse now that my favorite had moved to Nevada. Why do we guys do this? Trying to convince ourselves that we don't do anything wrong, and that it is just thrown in our laps? Sigh. Sometimes I am amazed by my own stupidity and ignorance.

Anyway. I ended up at this strip mall. Actually, a quite upscale one as well. But no massage parlor.

Not even in the back. I had no idea. So I called as the ignorant fool I was, mentioning to the lady on the phone that I had no clue if I was in the right area, as she mentioned to me to go to this office and come in. I was looking amazed. There it was, hidden in plain sight. I would never expected this to be something else than a contractors office building. I walked in, had to ring a bell, and an older Asian woman opens the door, very politely, and guides me through a very clean and well maintained beautiful building and gets me into a room. She mentioned that 'she' would be with me in a moment.

And there I was. And had no clue what to do. With my regular legit massage I know to get naked, under the covers and just lay there. With my slightly less legit massage I know I have to get naked, lay on the bed and forget the covers. Here? I had no clue. So I stood there. Waiting.
After a couple of minutes in comes this beautiful woman, in a gorgeous dark green corset, high heels and beautiful long fishnets. When I say beautiful, she was more beautiful than the overly beautiful ladies I saw in the porn movies about the massages. And she was surprised why I was not undressed.

I confessed to her, I had no experience in this, and was quite nervous. She looked at me, probably with a slight hint of a red flag, who knows if I was from law enforcement. But she decided to help along. Mentioned to me to pay the house fee up front, and then while she would handle that, I would get undressed and wrap myself in the towel she pointed out. And so I did.

She came back, got me out of the room and guided me, while I held on to my towel for dear life, to a spacious luxurious bathroom.  Within it was a table that she had just cleaned (with my spouse being an MD, I am very well aware that 'cleaning' would not clear off the previous guy's germs  completely ;) But then, I am a guy, so, I did not wonder about that. It looked clean: good enough!).
She had me lay down and started to shower me, turn me over, joking slightly of that I am hard and that that was not her doing... really? I mean, I know what I got myself into, but do those lines and jokes really work on people. On the other hand, I did not care, because I made likely a stupid remark as well.
I had to admit, I loved her touch. Playful, not really massaging there, but I guess you did not come here to get a good massage. And after a while she dried me off, got me back into the room and asked me to lay down on the table again. And this was clearly a real massage table like the many others, only much wider. But it was comfortable, and laying on my front, she started to massage my back. Not bad actually. I was pleasantly surprised. Also when she climbed on the bed, sat down on my buttocks, and started to massage more thoroughly. The satin of her lingerie felt so good, and her firm thighs around me as well. Fuck, I wished every massage would be like this. And when she bent over I felt her bossom press against my shoulder blades. It just felt good. I would be the happiest guy if this was just it.

The flip-over came, and of course I could not hide my arousal. And she started massaging me. My legs, my belly, chest, arms, hands... ehm? She pushed it out of the way to massage the inside of my thighs, but there was no attention for my penis.
What the fuck?

"Is there anything else you would like me to put attention to?" she asked, as it was nearing the end of the massage. Fuuuuuuuck... I am terrible at this. I hoped this would just go nicely, but here I am, laying there, and she calling my bluff about being inexperienced. Well, I was, but I think she thought I was full of it.
So, stuttering, I mentioned that I would not mind if she might perhaps put a little bit of attention to my appendix showing a certain state of arousal. Softly, like I asked her something she never heard before, she touched me, held me softly. "This?"
I nodded and I think I croaked some kind of sound that should have confirmed my agreement.
"Ok" she said and she started to jerk me off softly.

And truth be told, she did that very nicely. Here was this beautiful woman in very sexy lingerie, giving me a wonderful hand-job.

But fuck. That is what I get at my not-so-legit place as well! And there she knows me, what touches I desire. I did not come here for that. And the clock already mentioned there were only 10 minutes left. No! Please, don't let her make me cum like this! Yes, I know, I am never satisfied ;)

"Can I... could you... can... please... see you naked?".

She stopped, looked at me as if I said something so very wrong. Put her finger in front of her lips.

"Please?"

Again, more firmly now, her finger in front of her lips and looking at me more seriously. Did I say something wrong? I had no clue.

She walked out of the room.

What the hell? I was confused, and most likely certain that a gorilla of a guy would walk in to throw me out because I might have said something that would have been against some kind of rules. Shiiiiiiiit!

The woman came back. Locking the door behind her. And she stood next to me and looked at me again, pressed her finger once more against her lips to show me to be silent, and started to undress.
Wow... I can honestly say she had the most perfect body I ever had seen. Beautiful in proportion, nicely tanned but not overdone, and absolutely amazing. She held up a little packet, tore it open with her teeth and removed a condom out of it.
"Lay back" she just said, and climbed on the other side of the table and crawled between my legs. I never had a condom be put onto me this quickly and professionally. And as she had done, she took me in her mouth and started giving me a blow-job.

Now, although like every other guy around, sex with a condom has its advantages: against STD's,
against pregnancy, and on top of that, you last longer. The negative, you only feel the pressure of the condom against your cock. No wonder we last longer, because you feel absolutely less, no matter what they say. But, in this case, this woman I did not know and who was clearly a professional, I was happy altogether already. But, the blow-job, even though it looked like she did it well, was hardly something I experienced. The visual though, to see her taking me inside of her mouth, was something that definitely made up for it.

She came up, crawled next to me and told me to move over, that she wanted to lay there and that I had to come on top of her. And there she was, gorgeous, all naked in all her beauty, her legs apart, and looking at me, smiling, and telling me to put it in her softly and not all the way because it would hurt. I thought that was some kind of 'making me feel good' talk because of course I have such an enormous one. But it actually seems to be that it was a bit too much. Fuck, she was so tight and she guided me with how far I could be inside of her. Far enough to feel absolutely amazing, even with the condom. And there she was, even if I would have felt nothing through the piece of rubber, it would have been amazing. I enjoyed every moment, and although I wanted it to last forever, she at one moment squeezed me so tightly that from the feeling that I could hold on for hours, in one thrust she got me to explode in her. Wow.... never experienced that before like that.

I noticed the time, our hour was over. But she told me to lay next to her for a bit. There was no rush, and I did. She cuddled up next to me, held me close, and we layed there, talked a little bit, for about 5-10 minutes. After that, she got dressed, as did I. Not completely conform the standards there, I guess, because she mentioned that she usually dresses her clients. I tipped her, and she guided me out, gave me a hug and a kiss at the door, and there I was.

So, yes. It is actually like those videos. The problem was now, that although it was absolutely wonderful, it did not feel right. So, a beautiful woman, very sexy, does everything I wanted, ended with some fantastic sex. And it just did not feel right.
Not in some 'guilty' kind of way - which I should because there is always the thought in my mind I just have taken advantage of this woman. Although I did not have the feeling she was not into it, or that she might not do this for all the right reasons; you never knew.
But it was not even that. And it was not a guilty feeling towards my wife, which I also of course should have. But I talked that up in my mind as this being not a relationship, not an affair, it was a one time thing.
No, it was like the same thing as with a one-night-stand. Worse. I paid, she pretended to like me. I was not special. She was. Not I. It was indeed just that, a business transaction. She had a product I wanted, and I was willing to pay for it.

Wow... that is when that feeling hit me. As gorgeous as I though she was, and perfect she was to me, I was just a guy. Who would have known that that feeling would hit me. And that was really the weird thing; it was just that, like going to a regular massage, there are therapists that I like, and ones that I did not. And like with any other job, that feeling would be the same for the therapists versus their clients.

Don't get me wrong, I did not fall in some kind of depression. I love to still have her on my mind. Because next time I will tell about that following experience over there... because even though that feeling caught me by surprise... it is a memory I still have fondly in my mind.

But... there is no doubt about it, my days that I would just be happy with the happy tug at the end seemed to be over.

Or weren't they?

Cheating... It Is Not A Full-Time Job

I have been spending my time online for the last couple of months. I have not been away, but just not been in much of the passion to add to this blog. Why not? It is not that the sex-drive has been gone. It is more about something natural; I just didn't feel like it.

Yes, I mention that I am an honest cheater, but it is not something that is on my mind constantly. As I mentioned before, cheating to me is finding someone with who I share a passion, in something I cannot find at home in my life, and is not easy to be returned there. And it is also not that I am non-stop looking for a new partner if I don't have one. Actually, that is not what I am doing at all.

A couple of months ago, I really felt the need of being with someone. And the thought crept over me that maybe I should see things more clearly. I am not trying to find a partner simply only for sex, it is more about the pure passion, and explosion of lust. Sex becomes so much more intense if you really are into the other person. But I am not looking for love. I am looking for someone to feel great with, and she with me, and then both get from each other what we cannot get at home.
But at that moment, I thought I might want to look at it another way. I am not a dumb guy, and I know that as soon as I reach a climax, the need of being with a woman is a lot less. Masturbation is great for this, but it is different.

Don't get me wrong, she was delicious and looked gorgeous. This photo
is not her though, and taken from Anilos.com

So, this time, I thought not to, well, shake it off, but maybe I could find a companion. Someone, who can set some time away for me, and we enjoy each other... a business deal. And I actually found a woman, and she found me, and we were both into this. She was older, which I don't mind in the least. Age is not that important to me, as long as the other person is just herself. We decided to meet first, and then see where it would lead to.
Well, it led to her bedroom, and a for me strange experience was about to happen, that maybe many of you are known with... but I was not.

She told me to undress, while she did the same, and asked me to put on a condom and she laid on her bed, spread her legs. I was actually asking if we could cuddle a little bit first.... we could... but no kissing. Now, I knew about the no-kissing thing, that that was a deal. But I never knew how much I love to kiss. Kissing is part of everything, it is what makes things so passionate.
Kissing her body was allowed, and I kissed and licked every single inch, but only mild responses.

I really was a bit bummed out, not fully realizing that this was a job for her. I simply could not wrap my mind around that then. I was allowed to lick her, and that I did. Was that wise? I don't know. I have been tested since and I was fine (I always keep myself tested... I don't want to bring anything home that doesn't belong there). But I love to lick. The taste of a vagina is incredible, and I can be like a suction cup... and never let go. But still, the fake moaning was a bore. The saying that 'Oh, you are so good!' were not really oscar-material. Everything was fake in her behavior, and I started to get the idea then that I wanted this to be something it is not. She was there to lend me her body, fuck her, release... and then getting out.

I got a kind of a break though, because suddenly, halfway through her 'Oh, you are so good!' she stopped, and then silence, the pelvis started to come up, and suddenly a whole other sounding sigh escaped. Licking her more like that kept her silent, and her soft moans deeper. She grabbed my head and pushed it against her lips, while I kept my pacing. About half a minute later her moans were loud, her pussy pressed against my tongue, and a subtle flow of clear liquid escaped and covered my tongue, while she fell down in the bed, and laid still for a while.

Then she looked up at me, as if regaining conciousness, and told me to lay down. She put a condom on me, let her slide on top of me, and she fucked me quickly. But no pauses, no passion, and her squeezing and non-stop motions made me orgasm pretty quickly, even though I tried to stop her. And there I was, spent. She got off of me, cleaned me up, and handed me my clothes.

What a bummer. I felt absolutely depressed. Yes, I was with a woman, but the lack of passion and lust was such a let-down. No, if I risk to cheat, it needs to be something special. Sex is just sex. It sounds weird, but it is not something good if passion and lust are not involved. At least, not for me.

The Hard Work That Is Cheating

Cheating is hard, very hard work.

Well, of course, I am not talking about the act of the cheating itself, but to keep it all under control. So even if you are just contemplating to look for love outside of your marriage, keep in mind, it is difficult. Unless of course you don't give about the fact that it can seriously hurt, or destroy your current relation completely. For those people, well, cheating might be a way to finish whatever you had with your significant other, but then it seems that your relationship had ended already a long time ago.

Cheating is delicious, but also quite risky... but delicious nontheless

No, I assume that still the majority of the cheaters - and keep in mind, 57% of all married men admit to having an affair during their marriage, and 54% of all married women admit to it - have looked and experienced love outside their marriage (read more statistics here) have done it while still loving their marriage. So, it is more about finding something that you have lost in your marriage over the years than wanting to hurt your spouse or even risk your marriage. That means that the affair needs to stay hidden.

And, well, if you are contemplating to find another person to love, be prepared. Because keeping that a secret requires a lot of discipline. Because, according to the same statistics, only 31% of the marriages in which an affair has been discovered, continues.
And myself, being one of the ones who had admitted to having an affair to my wife count myself lucky the be the one still having my marriage. Because, and you can read that in previous postings, I love my marriage. Just, it is not perfect. By far not.

Anyway, here are some things you really, really need to prepare before you even are going on your search:

1. Ignore The Temptation

This is one of the things I found the hardest. Once you connect with someone, you are reunited with your old friends; butterflies. And you will feel the same way as you did in high school when the object of your affection even gave you a glimpse of attention during math class.
And if you remember that time, and can recall your own behavior, your mind was pretty much occupied. Well, that will happen again.

And as you might know, once someone is feeling that feeling of love again, you can read it from their behavior. So, rule numbero uno! Stay in control of yourself, dude! When you are with your spouse, try to keep the other one off your mind, and try to be aware of your own behavior.

This also means, not wanting to check your email all the time. If you haven't done that before, you surely don't want to raise suspicions right now.

2. Multi-task!

If you are a techie, you know what the real description of multi-tasking is. Believe me, it is not what every woman tells when she mention she can, and you can't multi-task. Real multi-tasking is to do 2 or more completely different things, at exactly the same time, in their own environments.

So, you have to become this person who is two people at the same time. Once you decide to cheat, you will not be a wife or husband with a girlfriend or boyfriend on the side. No. You will be a wife and a husband. AND you will be a boyfriend or girlfriend of your affair-partner. And you will keep those two apart.

This is why you hear enough people talking about having two phones. One is their personal phone, the other one their sex-phone. I think that is actually overkill, but it is good to keep it all separated. Make sure you have different email addresses for the affair partner, and that he or she doesn't know your real email address.

A little bit too much of a alter ego, but sexy it is

3. Role-Play

Continuing on that; now that you understand you have to create a separate ego for your affair, let's take the role-playing a little bit further. Give yourself a new name too. Keep your first name (otherwise you will mix names up when your lover is talking to you) but change your last name. And while we are at it, also change your age about 2 years. You will still look the part, but you are not easy to spot. Also, make your alter ego a lot like you, this will keep you natural in your acting. Don't make it completely the same.

Also, when you are getting used to your role as this alter ego, you will notice advice #2 will be easier to handle. Because in the end, you will switch completely over to your normal self when you come home.

4. Don't Call!

It is so tempting to call... but don't!

Calling is one of two direct forms of communication you can have. The other one is meeting. Calling is also the one thing that is most easily traced. Believe me, this is why I got in trouble. With emailing with someone else, there is a good way to hide your tracks without having to be a hacker. Just simply using a web based email system (never use your own email on your computer itself) is fine as long as you chose a difficult password and don't attach your photo to it.

But calling, no matter how, is tracked to your phone, and your phone provider can always show directly who called, or who you called with. Not only that, it shows the number in the tracking list. And this is easily found on your phone by your spouse.
Of course you can lock your phone, but if you have never done that in the past, it only raises suspicion.

If you want to call, please make sure you use a service like Google Voice, in which you can set up a separate phone number and have your voice-mail and your call log off-site, and you can even use that number then to make calls from your phone to your lover.

5. Don't Get Sloppy

If your affair continues, don't think you are a pro. Because you are not. Don't do anything to raise suspicion, which also means that you should be really aware of what you are doing. Getting lazy and sloppy is the #1 reason of being caught. So, now that you are using a fictional character for your alter ego, a separate mail account on a web-based service (with an email address that matches your character), make sure you use difficult passwords that your spouse cannot guess. Make sure you never are satisfied with a password that doesn't come out 'strong' when the indicator when you make up one. This is a good thing to do anywhere, always, and not only for cheating. Also, never chose a password that you also use for your personal things.

Yeah, yeah, I hear you whine about having so many passwords to remember. Well, you want to cheat and not be caught, don't you? Well then, Man/Woman Up!

But don't make use of any services that make it easier to log in, or see your email faster. So, don't automatically store your passwords. Don't have your email box installed on your computer. Sure, it all takes longer, but it also prevents you from being caught.

6. Sex Smells!

Oh, so you finally made it to this passionate love happening. You meet him/her, and you share a passionate couple of hours between the sheets.
Keep in mind, being with someone is a smelly business. I don't mean it is a bad smell. Oh, I love the smell of sex, of a woman's vagina, her perfume... everything about her! But, well, smells have the tendencies to carry along. So, when you arrive home, your wife/husband might catch a whiff of your lover. And believe me, your spouse knows that smell.

True, men usually don't make the link with things that fast. But don't underestimate your ignorant husband, he knows the smell of sex. He might not immediately link it to you as a cheating wife, but be aware. And for you husbands... if she smells that, you're caught.

Cleany!

So, when you meet, prepare for it. In the planning, don't feel awkward to ask your lover not to wear perfume or after-shave/eau de Cologne. Sure, you want to look your best, with all the added fancies, but, just be very careful about it.

Now, that takes care of one of the two smell-issues. The sex smell itself though, is more difficult. I love giving the woman a lot of attention, also with the fingers and the tongue. And, no matter how well you wash afterwards, that smell goes away slowly. So, make sure you have a hand sanitizer in your car. One that is not sweet or lemon scented, but not scented at all. You don't want to smell all citrusy when you come home, that will rise even more suspicion.

If you give oral, believe me, your face smells too. Hand sanitizer won't do the trick here. Just clean up with preferably facial soap. And, go to your nearest Starbucks for a Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Why? Coffee and Cinnamon messes your breath up. Or go to your deli and order a salami-cheese sandwich. Salami has a lot of the same smell-components as the private parts, believe it or not. And the cheese has a fatty taste that can also be smelled. If you take one of these, and just behave normally... you'll be fine.

7. Act Normal

I just mentioned it, and this is important. Act normally. Don't feel threatened. If your spouse suspects something, they might test you. Even if they do, don't over act your role. Just, feel comfortable, and if you followed up on my points, there should not be something to worry about. Of course, there may be, simply do not give in to temptation to worry. That will raise a red flag with your spouse.

8. Set Rules

When you go into an extra-marriage affair, set rules with your partner. Don't set the rule that you won't have sex. It might sounds like a good ideal, but it is not. If you have a passionate love affair, there will be sex. Also, keep in mind, that it is the affair that is the problem, not the sex. If you are caught when having an affair, even if it is a sexless one, you could just as well have gone all the way.

Why?

Simple. Your spouse knows now not to trust you. So, why should he/she trust you when you say that there was no sex involved. You might speak the truth here, but it will only be considered a lie.

No, set rules like when you are available to write, or call (with Google Voice, mind you!). What might be possibilities to meet, where, and how. Always make sure you meet somewhere where you can clean up! And always make the rule of a code-word. Just like in BDSM, you need a word that your affair partner recognizes you by that something is wrong.

Actually, you need two. One to let the other one know there is danger ahead. The second code-word is the 'kill-switch' code-word. The first one make sure your partner immediately leaves you alone for the moment. The second one immediately terminates your relationship, no questions asked. This includes removing all emails, your Google Voice account, everything. Bye-bye. It might be difficult, but you don't want to take the risk.

9. Chose Your Partner Carefully

You can have followed up all these points stated previously. It will only work out, if your affair-partner does the same thing. And affair is like a balloon where both partners are responsible for one side. You might keep your side so safe, if your partner slips, the whole balloon will pop, also your beautifully safe side.

This is what got my affair out in the open. I did follow up on all the rules, my partner, almost. But she wanting to call me, and I had made the slip of letting her call me once. Once her husband became suspicious, he got hold of her phone, and she never cleared her phone list. All the other numbers he knew, mine, he did not.

Find an intelligent partner, and once it becomes serious, lay down the rules, and you have to be the judge of character if the person might not only be a wonderful lover, but also someone who treats the affair as well as you do. If you are married, I would always advice looking for a lover who is married too. Only then you know your partner values the secrecy and discretion as much as you do.

10. Always Respect Your Spouse

This list only works if you are one of the cheaters who still loves their spouse. You know that the affair might hurt them badly (keep in mind, statistics show that there are a lot of marriages with both partners cheating, you might not be alone ;-) ). Keep in mind this is not about you, your affair will affect both of you. Even if your spouse does not find out.

If you start an affair, you have to consider the consequences when it comes out. That it might end your marriage, the loss of custody over the children or the pets, and maybe losing your house. Take a moment to think about this, and ask yourself, is it really worth all that?
Then, when you thought about that, look at your spouse tonight, see him or her as he or she is in the normal life. And then imagine really hurting them emotionally to the bone.
Then, make the decision again.

I don't want to be a buzzkill, but having an affair is something with far reaching consequences. And you will understand now why I mention these 10 points. Once you are in an affair, keep in mind that ultimately, your spouse is in control of your marriage and everything you own. Maybe he/she doesn't know that yet, but that doesn't make it any less so.

Good couple... using the condoms. They were stronger than I was

Also, and please do, have protection. Yes, in my previous post I talked about the wonder of having sex without protection, but I also mention that as a man, you have to plan that far, far ahead. So, start now. Buy a pack of condoms, have a very secret place to hide them (not in the car!!!!) or simply buy them once you go out to meet your partner (and throw the remainder out. Yes, it costs a couple of dollars more, but you don't want to get caught).
You affair partner might as well be carrying an STD. Don't take it home. Also, if your partner confesses to have an std, stop the relationship immediately. Even if there is the promise of sex. Don't do it. Even if you think that wearing a condom is preventing you from getting it, just, don't do it!
And STD will put your affair in the spotlight. But not only that, you expose your spouse to it.

The End

So, these 10 points might take the fun out of the thought of cheating a bit. But you can thank me later. And if you do, enjoy your affair to the fullest. And all these rules will become normal to you within no-time. And you will have the most delicious, sexual, passionate relationship.

Also, keep in mind, an affair might also be the solution to a dormant marriage. Don't always discard an affair as being bad for the marriage...