Ahhhh.... Massage!

My wife got me addicted to a maybe healthy addiction. Massages. A couple of months age when I called in sick cough cough for work, she told me to join her for a couple of hours at the spa. As the standard guy of course I did not feel comfortable. Because however I liked the thought of a woman touching me, it is not a manly thing... of course ;) Two hours later I had signed up for the monthly plan.

I may sound so overly sexual here, but it doesn't mean that I am like that in the real life where you would meet me day after day. It took me a couple of visits before I actually went naked. And my wife had no problems with the fact that a young girl would touch me. Well, it was not that weird, because it might sound erotic to people who haven't taken a legit massage, but it is not that erotic at all. But man, it is so delicious.

I actually have behaving pretty well lately, and not been involved with just anyone. I decided that if I want to risk my marriage and my life, she will have to be pretty amazing. I am always looking, but not anymore for just anyone. But that also meant that with sex still being very absent in our marriage, there is a lot less passion to share.

Which, at one moment, got me to a weird idea. Maybe a not so legit massage would be in order. Maybe the thought of a massage parlor that does more than just massage. I was reading up on reviews, and actually there was a highly reviewed one near my work, when I actually thought about that a little bit more.

I will be very honest, the thought to be with a cute - most likely Asian - girl sounds very inviting, especially because the one near my place of work offered to so called full-service treatment (I have learned a lot ;) ). But finally it dawned on me; that is not what I want. Not even because it is actually prostitution. I come from a country where that is very legal, and it was not even that. It was that here, it simply is not that simple. And then the whole idea started to become weird. Was my lust for sex getting so overwhelming that I would not even care if a girl would do it voluntarily or not.

Yes, men can be so stupid from time to time, and really do let their dick think for them.

So what I ended up with was a perfect compromise. I found a legit massage therapist, an older woman. Not beautiful or anything sexual. Also close by, and she actually got great reviews. But the only thing was, that was different from a regular spa, she did not drape you.
So I planned a massage with her, and indeed, there was a nice room, warm, and just a table.

No blanket. And the massage was wonderful. And even though I would love to say that it didn't happen, but when turning around I could not do anything, no blanket to hide my erection. And she massages perfectly around it, neatly cleaning up the pre-cum, while staying so professional. It was incredibly relieving. Somehow, that hour on that table might have been as sexual to me as it could be. Not because of anything happening, but just being me, relaxing, and being just me. Nothing hiding myself, and most likely for her, nothing she has never seen yet. Something about that completely opening up felt so good. And another massage is planned for next week. Ah.

Actually, I Have Been Good!

Just... just.... delicious!

So I am writing this blog about cheating and sex. And as you might know by now, I enjoy sex immensely, even when I actually don't have it that often. But even when writing about the sex with other women, it does not automatically mean that my life is boring at home.
Honestly... it mostly is. I have written before that the lack of sex in our marriage is one of the reasons why I ended up looking for it somewhere else.

But don't let me be only about that. There are good sex stories to be found here too. So, it is easy to write about my escapades, but I will let you now into a more intimate area of my life. I will show you a bit of our sex life, when it is actually good. Let me take you away to a couple of weeks ago.

I was visiting a friend and met him in the center of the country. We do that regularly, since we live a continent far away, and twice every year we meet each other in the dead center. We meet each other, and talk about the good old times during the day. And usually when the night falls, in the hotel we each sit on our own bed, masturbating to porn. We know each other now for eons, and since we both started noticing our interest in women, it started out by swapping out each other's Playboys and Penthouses. We are now 20 years further down the line, and now it is watching porn and jerking off. No, nothing else. It is just that missing the sexual freedom at home, it is a relief to just be yourself and let yourself go.
This year, we actually had the possibility of being with a woman, but we both resisted the temptation to cheat. And we still keep asking ourselves: why?

So, during the stay there, I did release some ejaculate. And refreshed I arrived home from a fly and drive back home, where I was greeted by my wife. The rest of the evening was uneventful and I went to bed early, being all revived again the following day to come to work.

It was after midnight that I woke up again, and something that was, to me, a brand new experience. I felt my wife's lips on mine, kissing me softly, and in the darkness I saw her hovering over me. It actually took me some time to realize that what woke me up, was her hands on my erect cock, her soft hands jerking the skin up and down, producing some pre-cum already while I barely had my eyes open.

"I missed you. I want you." she said softly, and her continuous motion already had mesmerized me. Her naked body, her breasts so close to me. Usually, when we have sex, we have a lot of foreplay. But this time, I saw a whole different beast in my very own wife. The woman who rather watched Criminal Minds than anything erotic. Here she was, suddenly, the woman I met so many years ago, already crawling over me and her soft intimate lips spreading over my cock. With a fluid motion she slid over me till her crotch hit mine, her very wetness making the movement extremely slippery.

Now, I don't know how many of you have a not such a desirable sex life at home. But you might
know the feeling of when that happens, also not to put too much effort in it anymore. Sex will become the basic movements and 'Oh!' (You) and 'Oh! (Her, sadly enough sometimes optional) and done. With us it is mostly the same, although the 'Oh!' (Her) I try to squeeze into it when possible. But you never really go outside of the box.
But I was tired, not completely awake, and we became dirty again. She grinded herself on me, thrusting my cock hitting her womb. It was pure fucking, not in a negative way. In an extremely good way. It was the honest porno fuck. Twenty minutes of raw intercourse., and it became better and better with every moment. Especially when I talked to her mentioning her fucking her favorite tv star. 'You want Jim Caviezel to fuck you, no?' I said. She always try to stay in control, but when I mentioned that I was him (Yeah, right!, I wish!) and how it was to have his cock bare inside of her, she moaned, mentioning she needed him inside of her. The thought for her got into her mind, and I noticed it in her temperature and behavior.
'Do you want him to cum inside of you?'
'Hmmmm... yeah!'
'Do you want him to shoot his sperm inside your tight pussy?'
'I want it!'
'Do you want him to knock you up?'
And this role game came to an explosive end for both of us, at the same time, when she told me strongly; 'Yessss, Fuck me pregnant! Fuck Me! Cum!'
And I felt myself explode, shooting my ropes of come deep inside of her. Feeling our juices together mix and covering us both.

She told me she actually felt a bit ashamed of it, the day after. I mentioned I liked it a lot, and that I am not a jealous type in that way.

Of course, we haven't had sex since. But that was to be expected. But sometimes, there are these little moments, that just make things feel better.... seem I don't always have to be with another woman. This time, I have been good!

The Hard Work That Is Cheating

Cheating is hard, very hard work.

Well, of course, I am not talking about the act of the cheating itself, but to keep it all under control. So even if you are just contemplating to look for love outside of your marriage, keep in mind, it is difficult. Unless of course you don't give about the fact that it can seriously hurt, or destroy your current relation completely. For those people, well, cheating might be a way to finish whatever you had with your significant other, but then it seems that your relationship had ended already a long time ago.

Cheating is delicious, but also quite risky... but delicious nontheless

No, I assume that still the majority of the cheaters - and keep in mind, 57% of all married men admit to having an affair during their marriage, and 54% of all married women admit to it - have looked and experienced love outside their marriage (read more statistics here) have done it while still loving their marriage. So, it is more about finding something that you have lost in your marriage over the years than wanting to hurt your spouse or even risk your marriage. That means that the affair needs to stay hidden.

And, well, if you are contemplating to find another person to love, be prepared. Because keeping that a secret requires a lot of discipline. Because, according to the same statistics, only 31% of the marriages in which an affair has been discovered, continues.
And myself, being one of the ones who had admitted to having an affair to my wife count myself lucky the be the one still having my marriage. Because, and you can read that in previous postings, I love my marriage. Just, it is not perfect. By far not.

Anyway, here are some things you really, really need to prepare before you even are going on your search:

1. Ignore The Temptation

This is one of the things I found the hardest. Once you connect with someone, you are reunited with your old friends; butterflies. And you will feel the same way as you did in high school when the object of your affection even gave you a glimpse of attention during math class.
And if you remember that time, and can recall your own behavior, your mind was pretty much occupied. Well, that will happen again.

And as you might know, once someone is feeling that feeling of love again, you can read it from their behavior. So, rule numbero uno! Stay in control of yourself, dude! When you are with your spouse, try to keep the other one off your mind, and try to be aware of your own behavior.

This also means, not wanting to check your email all the time. If you haven't done that before, you surely don't want to raise suspicions right now.

2. Multi-task!

If you are a techie, you know what the real description of multi-tasking is. Believe me, it is not what every woman tells when she mention she can, and you can't multi-task. Real multi-tasking is to do 2 or more completely different things, at exactly the same time, in their own environments.

So, you have to become this person who is two people at the same time. Once you decide to cheat, you will not be a wife or husband with a girlfriend or boyfriend on the side. No. You will be a wife and a husband. AND you will be a boyfriend or girlfriend of your affair-partner. And you will keep those two apart.

This is why you hear enough people talking about having two phones. One is their personal phone, the other one their sex-phone. I think that is actually overkill, but it is good to keep it all separated. Make sure you have different email addresses for the affair partner, and that he or she doesn't know your real email address.

A little bit too much of a alter ego, but sexy it is

3. Role-Play

Continuing on that; now that you understand you have to create a separate ego for your affair, let's take the role-playing a little bit further. Give yourself a new name too. Keep your first name (otherwise you will mix names up when your lover is talking to you) but change your last name. And while we are at it, also change your age about 2 years. You will still look the part, but you are not easy to spot. Also, make your alter ego a lot like you, this will keep you natural in your acting. Don't make it completely the same.

Also, when you are getting used to your role as this alter ego, you will notice advice #2 will be easier to handle. Because in the end, you will switch completely over to your normal self when you come home.

4. Don't Call!

It is so tempting to call... but don't!

Calling is one of two direct forms of communication you can have. The other one is meeting. Calling is also the one thing that is most easily traced. Believe me, this is why I got in trouble. With emailing with someone else, there is a good way to hide your tracks without having to be a hacker. Just simply using a web based email system (never use your own email on your computer itself) is fine as long as you chose a difficult password and don't attach your photo to it.

But calling, no matter how, is tracked to your phone, and your phone provider can always show directly who called, or who you called with. Not only that, it shows the number in the tracking list. And this is easily found on your phone by your spouse.
Of course you can lock your phone, but if you have never done that in the past, it only raises suspicion.

If you want to call, please make sure you use a service like Google Voice, in which you can set up a separate phone number and have your voice-mail and your call log off-site, and you can even use that number then to make calls from your phone to your lover.

5. Don't Get Sloppy

If your affair continues, don't think you are a pro. Because you are not. Don't do anything to raise suspicion, which also means that you should be really aware of what you are doing. Getting lazy and sloppy is the #1 reason of being caught. So, now that you are using a fictional character for your alter ego, a separate mail account on a web-based service (with an email address that matches your character), make sure you use difficult passwords that your spouse cannot guess. Make sure you never are satisfied with a password that doesn't come out 'strong' when the indicator when you make up one. This is a good thing to do anywhere, always, and not only for cheating. Also, never chose a password that you also use for your personal things.

Yeah, yeah, I hear you whine about having so many passwords to remember. Well, you want to cheat and not be caught, don't you? Well then, Man/Woman Up!

But don't make use of any services that make it easier to log in, or see your email faster. So, don't automatically store your passwords. Don't have your email box installed on your computer. Sure, it all takes longer, but it also prevents you from being caught.

6. Sex Smells!

Oh, so you finally made it to this passionate love happening. You meet him/her, and you share a passionate couple of hours between the sheets.
Keep in mind, being with someone is a smelly business. I don't mean it is a bad smell. Oh, I love the smell of sex, of a woman's vagina, her perfume... everything about her! But, well, smells have the tendencies to carry along. So, when you arrive home, your wife/husband might catch a whiff of your lover. And believe me, your spouse knows that smell.

True, men usually don't make the link with things that fast. But don't underestimate your ignorant husband, he knows the smell of sex. He might not immediately link it to you as a cheating wife, but be aware. And for you husbands... if she smells that, you're caught.

Cleany!

So, when you meet, prepare for it. In the planning, don't feel awkward to ask your lover not to wear perfume or after-shave/eau de Cologne. Sure, you want to look your best, with all the added fancies, but, just be very careful about it.

Now, that takes care of one of the two smell-issues. The sex smell itself though, is more difficult. I love giving the woman a lot of attention, also with the fingers and the tongue. And, no matter how well you wash afterwards, that smell goes away slowly. So, make sure you have a hand sanitizer in your car. One that is not sweet or lemon scented, but not scented at all. You don't want to smell all citrusy when you come home, that will rise even more suspicion.

If you give oral, believe me, your face smells too. Hand sanitizer won't do the trick here. Just clean up with preferably facial soap. And, go to your nearest Starbucks for a Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Why? Coffee and Cinnamon messes your breath up. Or go to your deli and order a salami-cheese sandwich. Salami has a lot of the same smell-components as the private parts, believe it or not. And the cheese has a fatty taste that can also be smelled. If you take one of these, and just behave normally... you'll be fine.

7. Act Normal

I just mentioned it, and this is important. Act normally. Don't feel threatened. If your spouse suspects something, they might test you. Even if they do, don't over act your role. Just, feel comfortable, and if you followed up on my points, there should not be something to worry about. Of course, there may be, simply do not give in to temptation to worry. That will raise a red flag with your spouse.

8. Set Rules

When you go into an extra-marriage affair, set rules with your partner. Don't set the rule that you won't have sex. It might sounds like a good ideal, but it is not. If you have a passionate love affair, there will be sex. Also, keep in mind, that it is the affair that is the problem, not the sex. If you are caught when having an affair, even if it is a sexless one, you could just as well have gone all the way.

Why?

Simple. Your spouse knows now not to trust you. So, why should he/she trust you when you say that there was no sex involved. You might speak the truth here, but it will only be considered a lie.

No, set rules like when you are available to write, or call (with Google Voice, mind you!). What might be possibilities to meet, where, and how. Always make sure you meet somewhere where you can clean up! And always make the rule of a code-word. Just like in BDSM, you need a word that your affair partner recognizes you by that something is wrong.

Actually, you need two. One to let the other one know there is danger ahead. The second code-word is the 'kill-switch' code-word. The first one make sure your partner immediately leaves you alone for the moment. The second one immediately terminates your relationship, no questions asked. This includes removing all emails, your Google Voice account, everything. Bye-bye. It might be difficult, but you don't want to take the risk.

9. Chose Your Partner Carefully

You can have followed up all these points stated previously. It will only work out, if your affair-partner does the same thing. And affair is like a balloon where both partners are responsible for one side. You might keep your side so safe, if your partner slips, the whole balloon will pop, also your beautifully safe side.

This is what got my affair out in the open. I did follow up on all the rules, my partner, almost. But she wanting to call me, and I had made the slip of letting her call me once. Once her husband became suspicious, he got hold of her phone, and she never cleared her phone list. All the other numbers he knew, mine, he did not.

Find an intelligent partner, and once it becomes serious, lay down the rules, and you have to be the judge of character if the person might not only be a wonderful lover, but also someone who treats the affair as well as you do. If you are married, I would always advice looking for a lover who is married too. Only then you know your partner values the secrecy and discretion as much as you do.

10. Always Respect Your Spouse

This list only works if you are one of the cheaters who still loves their spouse. You know that the affair might hurt them badly (keep in mind, statistics show that there are a lot of marriages with both partners cheating, you might not be alone ;-) ). Keep in mind this is not about you, your affair will affect both of you. Even if your spouse does not find out.

If you start an affair, you have to consider the consequences when it comes out. That it might end your marriage, the loss of custody over the children or the pets, and maybe losing your house. Take a moment to think about this, and ask yourself, is it really worth all that?
Then, when you thought about that, look at your spouse tonight, see him or her as he or she is in the normal life. And then imagine really hurting them emotionally to the bone.
Then, make the decision again.

I don't want to be a buzzkill, but having an affair is something with far reaching consequences. And you will understand now why I mention these 10 points. Once you are in an affair, keep in mind that ultimately, your spouse is in control of your marriage and everything you own. Maybe he/she doesn't know that yet, but that doesn't make it any less so.

Good couple... using the condoms. They were stronger than I was

Also, and please do, have protection. Yes, in my previous post I talked about the wonder of having sex without protection, but I also mention that as a man, you have to plan that far, far ahead. So, start now. Buy a pack of condoms, have a very secret place to hide them (not in the car!!!!) or simply buy them once you go out to meet your partner (and throw the remainder out. Yes, it costs a couple of dollars more, but you don't want to get caught).
You affair partner might as well be carrying an STD. Don't take it home. Also, if your partner confesses to have an std, stop the relationship immediately. Even if there is the promise of sex. Don't do it. Even if you think that wearing a condom is preventing you from getting it, just, don't do it!
And STD will put your affair in the spotlight. But not only that, you expose your spouse to it.

The End

So, these 10 points might take the fun out of the thought of cheating a bit. But you can thank me later. And if you do, enjoy your affair to the fullest. And all these rules will become normal to you within no-time. And you will have the most delicious, sexual, passionate relationship.

Also, keep in mind, an affair might also be the solution to a dormant marriage. Don't always discard an affair as being bad for the marriage...

The Night Before

I could not write a blog about cheating, if I would not be totally honest. I am not a player in the field. I am not with different women all the time. Actually, I have not been with very many. And finding someone is a selection process. Oh, in the past I have been with different kind of women, but I could never enjoy the one night stand thing. There was lust, but no passion. And I felt guilty afterwards, and that was when I was not cheating. I decided back then, sex had to be more than just that. It was not just about sticking it in and come to an orgasm. No. Especially when risking all while cheating, there has to be more than just sex.

About a year ago, I 'met' a woman online, just with emailing, and we got more and more entangled in private conversations. And I think there is some kind of sixth sense under cheaters to recognize each other, and we found out soon enough that we were both in the same situation. But it took much longer to actually think about meeting.

But!

Tomorrow we will. Quit unexpected I have a meeting scheduled in the village she works in, and as if there is luck involved, we just started talking again after a hiatus of silence. And although this is not a meeting for sex, we both have already aroused each other enough to know we want it both. But not tomorrow. I insist first of meeting in a public place, not because of safety, but simply, to find out if a person in real is the person we both would like to take the risk with. You can write anything, and make someone go crazy about you, but if there is no spark, it is not going to happen.

I am a guy, and with enough absence of sex in my life, lust would drive me to do it with anyone, so, that first meeting has to be with my mind in control. Although in our emails we have discussed the scenarios of both wanting it so much that at a Starbucks, when we met, we rip each other's clothes off, and me penetrating her in the comfy chairs, forgetting everyone around us, bringing ourselves to intense orgasms under the watchful eyes of our audience.

Ah, but no, tomorrow there will be coffee... And most likely a kiss.

Who is the Honest Cheater?

Alright, I cannot begin this blog, without introducing myself.

I am Peter, in my early forties  guess it or not; I am actually happily married and have two children. Both girls and although I still do not understand them, and being a guy - I most likely never will, I love them till death. Just like I love my wife, mind you.

My wife knows about the cheating. I was more or less forced into a position where I had to confess to it, which was hard. Sure, I have a gazillion different excuses why I cheated, but in the end, that didn't matter. I had to tell her.

We were lucky. Although it caused first a pretty large speed-bump on the road of our relationship, now, a year later, it has made our marriage stronger than ever.

I have been growing up being an honest virgin for 24 years. No kidding. Not that I was some kind of hunchback, mind you. I actually was pretty popular with the girls growing up, but I still had my mind set on finding miss Right and experience my first sex with her. Sure, I masturbated like crazy from the moment I first found out that that thing between my legs was a far better toy than Lego. And I never stopped.
And just like I have a passion for pornography. Yup, although most of it is crap, I like the visual arts around erotica that is actually meant for arousal. So, even nowadays, I masturbate a lot, and look at a lot of porn. And my wife is absolutely okay with it. Well, she was, but for me, it was a bit weird.

Sex is important in our marriage, but it is not there.We both love to see it, but it is not there. We actually own a photo production studio where erotica is one of the big things, but we don't have sex. We want to, but can't. A hormonal disorder with my wife renders her almost lust-less. And I could still live with that. But hormones do more than making a woman horny, it also controls anything with affection; and we lost that. And at one moment, after 8 years, I gave up. I simply gave up trying to get some passion in our marriage. I love my wife, and did not want to confront her anymore with telling her that did not work out this way. I don't want to have sex when she doesn't want to.

So, I actually found the easy way to avoid it all. Finding a woman who would love to experience an encounter was not hard to find. Craigslist, in the end, was just a playground, as I found out. And I tried beating around the bush when women responded on my posting, but that never worked out. Until, I found out I just had to be honest. I remember that the header was 'Cheater is looking for someone to cheat with'. And the lottery fell; as I found out, I was anything but the only married person looking for simple affection. It was not about the sex! So many people, just, lacking the passion in their marriage way before they even were in their thirties, and starting to realize that the rest of their lives would be passion-less and sex-less.

And believe me, the first time I thought it was about missing sex. I actually underestimated myself, and found women who loved to simply invite me over for sex. It was easy, quick, but for me, it did not satisfy what I thought I was missing. Sure, we had sex, and it was passionate, but over time, I found out sex to me alone is not what I was lacking... it needed to be a package deal. Passion, attraction and sex. Not just sex alone. And even that was found (and I will describe these experiences in all detail in future postings). Long story short; this beautiful and wonderful Latina lady was caught by her husband. And her husband started threatening me. I honestly cannot blame him, but, if my wife would learn it from anyone, it had to be me.

So, I confessed. And she got sad, then angry... and then she left for her parents...

And then, earlier than I had ever expected, she came back. To be honest, her mother had sent her back. Not to give me hell to pay, but actually, my wife apologized. Which, I don't think she ever had to do, but still, she did. And the thing she apologized for was for neglecting me. Don't get me wrong, she still hated my guts for cheating, but actually, we discovered that we needed to talk. And we did, and we learned to simply be open about ourselves, even if it means complaining about our relationship with constructive criticism. And so everything was spoken about, our marriage, sex, lack of, but also, fantasies, lust... and I think we learned more about each other than ever before.

Aha, all's well that ends well? Well... the readers who paid a little attention, noticed the mentioning of  '...and will most likely do it in the future again' reference in my first blog post. Yes, our marriage did not magically heal. We talk, we understand, but things are not perfect. Which also will be talked about in detail in the future.

But, that is a little bit about me, and the cheating during my marriage. Oh, there are a lot of stories to tell. And they all will be written, shared, yes, also in graphical detail... so, join in on the conversation if you want to, or follow my blog...

The Honest Cheater Begins...

I Cheat.

Yes, I have cheated in the past, I have been cheated on, and most likely, I will again cheat in the future. So, let's get that out in the open. So to make very clear, this will be a blog about cheating. Not the cheating in games, or hiding some Ace of Spades up your sleeve. Nope, I mean the top sport under all married people, the things we all love to deny so very much... cheating on your spouse or significant other.

The reason why I want to start this blog? It is actually very simple, I could not find one. Not one that was honest. Hence, the title of this blog. I will be the honest cheater. I will be honest about my personal opinion about it, but also let you all in on some of the things that happened to me, problems, solutions etc.

But, before half of the readers might go into a frenzy, I think almost every cheater knows and understand this... but there is more to cheating that betraying a partner. Nobody got into a marriage or long-term relationship to just walk off with someone else. And I was an idealistic person in the past, and thought it would never happen to me... but the world is a bit different than I thought.

So, yes, this will be a blog about cheating. And yes, it will also be sexual too. But I also would like you to just feel welcome here on my blog. Opinions are always allowed, and I know there will be a lot of opinions with people who will be reading this. But my message is; let's stay civilized.

So, let me first introduce myself... which I will do in the next posting.