The Thing About Cheating is...

There is something weird about cheating. I noticed this over the last couple of weeks, and that is the following; you understand it when you do it, but if you do not, you don't know really what it is about. A lot of people are prejudiced, and almost no-one who is understands the real situation.

There are different levels of cheating, and I think you can categorize them in three levels:
- The person who cannot be monogamous.
- The person who has given in to temptation.
- The person who is seeking passionate/sexual attention that is not found in the existing relationship.

Let's not forget one thing; do never underestimate the second point. If there is even the slightest element of desire, even so well concealed, a person has to be made out of stone to resist temptation. When I met the woman I would cheat with, and that actually got me confessing to my wife, it was anything but about sex and cheating. Worse, the reason why we met was simple, we both got to know each other to resist the temptation.

Let me clarify. I knew the desire was there. The sex life in my marriage was nearly non-existing but that doesn't mean that the mind and body do not desire the sexual attention so much. But it was my idea to try to control it. As I mentioned before; I love my wife. I don't want to cheat. But when the desire takes over, the only thing you can think about is holding someone else, kissing their neck, feel the thighs wrapped around you, the moaning in your ear, the soft pressure of her breasts... the intense orgasms...

I actually needed help from someone who knew how to deal with this. And I found this someone. She had been in the same situation, but was able to manage it after a long time, and she had all kinds of tricks. And it worked actually pretty well, and got my mind off it. A while later she mentioned she would be in the neighborhood of where I work, and she asked me for some coffee during my break.
We met, had a very nice simple talk, nothing going on. But when we said our goodbye's and leaned in for a quick kiss on the cheeks, it ended up in a deep passionate kiss, and within minutes I heard her moaning while I fingered her in my car.

I, personally believe that if both people have a desire, there is no way to resist it, no matter how strong you think you are. Since then, I will never utter the words that I will never cheat again. Maybe I mean it, but I know, that if I am in the same situation, I am not in control at all. If you want to control it, control the situation, and avoid it.

But then, the other question is, should you?

That takes us to the third point; the person who is seeking passionate/sexual attention that is not found in the
existing relationship.
When you get married, or in any relationship, keep in mind that there is also a sexual expectation, just as much as there is one of love and caring. When you decide to be in a permanent relationship, you ought to know the other's sexual desires and level. This is not something that you can ignore.

Now, there are a hundred ways that sex leaves a relationship. Stress, lack of love, hormonal issues, medical issues, age, sexual incompatibility... and many more. The thing is, although we all know to work out our problems, fights and disagreements  no-one is actually working out their sexual problems. It is still too much of a taboo, even in a close or kinky marriage. Mentioning something about sexual problems is like saying the other is not good. And that is often not where you want to take a conversation.

The other thing is, that even if you can talk about it, I personally don't like to have sex with someone who doesn't want it. I know my wife often just doesn't want it, and I don't want her to do it just so I can have my fun. I don't work that way.
I rather find sex somewhere else so I don't bother my wife, and she doesn't have to do it when she doesn't want to, while someone else can be a perfect sexual match. I am not looking for love, just looking for a passionate match.

I personally think that cheating can have a solid place in a solid relationship. But, like with everything else, be prepared to take the consequences.

Now, this leaves one more point to discuss, the person that cannot be monogamous.

I think the 'cheating' going on here is on this person him or herself. I such a person understand him or herself completely, they would know a relationship is not for them, because the desire of being with someone new is simply too much.

And then there is the whole bunch of people being so negative about cheating. Sure, cheating is a game you play that has a lot of rules and traps and pitfalls. And playing the game means you have to be extremely careful. And also, a lot of people actually play the game.
And one of the rule is never to attract the attention to yourself. And the best way to do that is showing disgust on the subject. So, well, yes, in my personal opinion, the people yelling the hardest that cheating is so wrong are falling in one of two categories;

1. The people who secretly cheat themselves.
2. The people who will never get the attention that allows them to cheat.

But, again, that is my personal opinion. No proven facts here. Just my mind written down on a piece of empty web page.

Cheating... It Is Not A Full-Time Job

I have been spending my time online for the last couple of months. I have not been away, but just not been in much of the passion to add to this blog. Why not? It is not that the sex-drive has been gone. It is more about something natural; I just didn't feel like it.

Yes, I mention that I am an honest cheater, but it is not something that is on my mind constantly. As I mentioned before, cheating to me is finding someone with who I share a passion, in something I cannot find at home in my life, and is not easy to be returned there. And it is also not that I am non-stop looking for a new partner if I don't have one. Actually, that is not what I am doing at all.

A couple of months ago, I really felt the need of being with someone. And the thought crept over me that maybe I should see things more clearly. I am not trying to find a partner simply only for sex, it is more about the pure passion, and explosion of lust. Sex becomes so much more intense if you really are into the other person. But I am not looking for love. I am looking for someone to feel great with, and she with me, and then both get from each other what we cannot get at home.
But at that moment, I thought I might want to look at it another way. I am not a dumb guy, and I know that as soon as I reach a climax, the need of being with a woman is a lot less. Masturbation is great for this, but it is different.

Don't get me wrong, she was delicious and looked gorgeous. This photo
is not her though, and taken from Anilos.com

So, this time, I thought not to, well, shake it off, but maybe I could find a companion. Someone, who can set some time away for me, and we enjoy each other... a business deal. And I actually found a woman, and she found me, and we were both into this. She was older, which I don't mind in the least. Age is not that important to me, as long as the other person is just herself. We decided to meet first, and then see where it would lead to.
Well, it led to her bedroom, and a for me strange experience was about to happen, that maybe many of you are known with... but I was not.

She told me to undress, while she did the same, and asked me to put on a condom and she laid on her bed, spread her legs. I was actually asking if we could cuddle a little bit first.... we could... but no kissing. Now, I knew about the no-kissing thing, that that was a deal. But I never knew how much I love to kiss. Kissing is part of everything, it is what makes things so passionate.
Kissing her body was allowed, and I kissed and licked every single inch, but only mild responses.

I really was a bit bummed out, not fully realizing that this was a job for her. I simply could not wrap my mind around that then. I was allowed to lick her, and that I did. Was that wise? I don't know. I have been tested since and I was fine (I always keep myself tested... I don't want to bring anything home that doesn't belong there). But I love to lick. The taste of a vagina is incredible, and I can be like a suction cup... and never let go. But still, the fake moaning was a bore. The saying that 'Oh, you are so good!' were not really oscar-material. Everything was fake in her behavior, and I started to get the idea then that I wanted this to be something it is not. She was there to lend me her body, fuck her, release... and then getting out.

I got a kind of a break though, because suddenly, halfway through her 'Oh, you are so good!' she stopped, and then silence, the pelvis started to come up, and suddenly a whole other sounding sigh escaped. Licking her more like that kept her silent, and her soft moans deeper. She grabbed my head and pushed it against her lips, while I kept my pacing. About half a minute later her moans were loud, her pussy pressed against my tongue, and a subtle flow of clear liquid escaped and covered my tongue, while she fell down in the bed, and laid still for a while.

Then she looked up at me, as if regaining conciousness, and told me to lay down. She put a condom on me, let her slide on top of me, and she fucked me quickly. But no pauses, no passion, and her squeezing and non-stop motions made me orgasm pretty quickly, even though I tried to stop her. And there I was, spent. She got off of me, cleaned me up, and handed me my clothes.

What a bummer. I felt absolutely depressed. Yes, I was with a woman, but the lack of passion and lust was such a let-down. No, if I risk to cheat, it needs to be something special. Sex is just sex. It sounds weird, but it is not something good if passion and lust are not involved. At least, not for me.