Did I get the hots for my Masseuse?

It has been a while. Sit down, it is so nice to see you again. Yes, I know, too much time has gone by.
Yes, I remember writing about sex, liked my advice? Or the stories?
Good. I am glad you did.

Well, I was not able to keep that going? What not? Ah, the thing of being still this honorable guy, finding ways to incorporate some level of sex in my life outside of my marriage and still do it in such a way I would not feel guilty.

I failed miserably.

Oh, the marriage is fine. Better than it always has been. The sex still is most present by its absence and as I posted in my previous postings, over a year ago, is that I found a lot of release in the massages that provided me a happy ending. Actually, I shared this also with my wife, who actually did not mind. As long as it happened by hand, she saw it very much as a solution as well.
Keep in mind, as a refresher, we both knew very well that the void that existed in our sex life for my wife's medical reasons, had to be taken care of in some way to release that stress. And these massages seemed to be a wonderful solution to the problem. And they were.

One day, at the end of last year, I ended up with a problem at work; I sprained something in my back, and it hurt like hell. It was not something massive, but my left shoulder was all but working painlessly. But my regular legit massage place had a fully booked day. But, they mentioned, they also had a chain store actually close to my work. So I called them. And they would check what they could provide, as they had someone quit her job that morning, so they had a problem in their planning. They would call me back.
Ten minutes later I got that promised call. They could not take care of it, but, the masseuse that quit also had her own side-business, and she would take care of it if I wanted to based on the credit I had with the chain itself, and they would cover the costs out of my account. The only issue, I had to drive to her place which was in downtown Philly. I got her information, called her up, and she was nice and sounded proper, and would take care of me that evening.

When I arrived at the place, I wished that I had not. That was not downtown Philly, that was down and scary Philly. She was waiting on the front-porch, to help me get in. As it seemed to be, she did not have a side-business, but needed the money and planned to move back to Nevada. And she lived in with this family that clearly had money to spend on buying dope than spend on their kids.
The girl itself was a very nice, polite, and very talkative woman, blonde, semi-attractive but against better judgment I walked in. She guided me to her room upstairs and told me to undress and lay down on the table.

As appearances could deceive, she gave an absolutely amazing massage. Firm, but not too painful, and it helped. She could not walk around the table she had set up, so she stood on other furniture to actually get to me. And she kept talking, yap yap yap, but I cannot deny, the massage was great. Period. A solid legit massage and she put my shoulder back into working condition. During which I heard her life story, not a sobbing story, but one of a woman who knew she made all the wrong decisions, and now had to deal with the consequences, and she was. I liked her. Honestly liked her. Not my type of woman, but she was a strong, honest woman not taking shit from life.

I got dressed, she gave me a hug, and I was on my way.

And she was on my mind. Not in a sexual or romantic way. But I genuinely liked her, and with the holiday season coming up asked her that I would like to plan another massage before she would move out to Nevada, and that I would not mind paying her in advanced. She was happy, and send me her PayPal information to get her the $70 for the hour long massage.
Fuck it. She had two sons, I had seen where they lived and I had some extra left, so sent her some more and told her to spend it on some gifts for the holidays.

Two weeks later we had the massage planned, now in a hotel near my work as she stayed their until their trip a day later. She welcomed me excitedly. Told me how much I helped out and that she appreciated it so much and not ask for anything. She had me lay down on the table, and now she could walk around it, and massaged me. My back again done so perfectly. I honestly wished she still worked, because it is hard to find a masseuse that does everything right.
I turned over after I completely lost track of time, listening to her constant talking. I really liked her, her massage was perfect, but the talking. Opening my eyes I noticed that her jeans had gone and she was massaging me with her bra and panties on. I looked, but did not actually talk about it.
I heard more about the misery of her past. But again, not in a whiney way, a 'feel sorry for me' way, but literally like 'I have gone through that, I can beat anything'. A fire, and 3rd degree burns on her body.

What?
I had not seen these when I looked at her.
I told her so.

"Oh, absolutely", and she un-clipped her bra, and showed me a barely noticeable, but definitely a scar on her right breast.  Of course I had difficulties focusing on the scar. It looked almost like discolored skin than scar tissue.
"My body handles scars really well.", she said. Looking at it herself. "Touch it. You will feel it is really soft, and not thick as it usually is with people."

Fuck. She did ask it? Who am I to ignore it. And I touched her skin just above her aureola. It indeed felt like normal skin.

"Third degree?" I asked. I have seen scar tissue a lot before, and my wife being an MD had a lot of material about it as well. And never was a major scar almost so very well blended in the normal skin as it was with her.

"Don't believe me? I had both my boys with a c-section, and take a look." she said, and she pulled her panties a little bit down, not enough to see things that really started to interest me, but - well - what do you know. There was clearly the mark of a c-section, also discolored, but not the slightest bump.
I did ask softly, more because my throat dried up than anything else, if I could touch it.
"Sure", she said, got my hand and rubbed my fingertips over the scar but the panties snapped back over it.
"Wait". She pulled down her panties, stepped out of them, and placed my fingertips against it again. "See?".

By that time of course I had no interest in that piece of scar anymore. "Can I... touch it?" She looked at me with a smile, stood with her legs slightly further apart and said "Sure you can."

As I had my hands between her thighs, my fingers feeling the moist edge of her lips, it just all felt so weird. She continued massaging me, and nothing sexual about the way she touched me. Which could not be said about me. And she kept talking, even as a finger slid inside of her, and I felt how easily that insertion took place.
At one moment she stopped, looked at me, smiled and then softly touched me. Lotion was unnecessary; I have quite a lot of pre-cum. She gently played with me as my hands discovered all of her body.
Were my experiences with the other masseuse that once the soft touch starts it is ending pretty soon, this woman took her sweet time. Talked, giggled, massaged a bit regularly and then went back to her business pleasing me.

I asked her if I could maybe, please, lick her. And she told me I could not, those were services that she did not provide. I said I understood. I did, but my body did not.
It took actually an additional 30 minutes before she brought me to my climax.
She told me to keep laying down as she cleaned me up, then pointed me to the bathroom for a shower or a bath. I did, and as I came out, she came to me, still naked, hugged me, gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that she loved it that I did not push myself on her and that she enjoyed my company. If it was real or not, maybe related to the elevated pre-payment did not matter, she honestly gave me a wonderful feeling. Besides giving me an awesome massage, an incredible sexual experience, she actually made me happy.

When I walked out I noticed that she has massaged me for almost 4 hours.

Sadly enough, like said, she moved back to Nevada. I actually still email with her, and she keeps me up to date how she is doing, how life is treating her, and sometimes those emails are very happy, sometimes heart breaking, but they still feel very honest.

(No, the photos don't show my masseuse, although she looked like her. I thank teentugs very much for letting me - eh - borrow - the photos :) )

My Impossible Wish List

It is already spring and a while ago since I did my last post. It maybe not so weird as very little has happened over the last couple of months. I have been extremely faithful which is actually a good subject here.

When I had encounters with other women, sometimes as a relationship, sometimes as a business deal as a 'service' or during a massage visit where at least part of my desires were satisfied. It sounds so weird but I very well understand that what I am looking for is most likely something I will never find. And that idea starts to settle.

Yes, I have to admit, the massages are a real relief.

As I wrote in earlier postings is that I indeed find a lot of relieve now with massages and visiting an escort. But that is simply satisfying on a physical level. Don't get me wrong, I personally think it is a great way to find that relieve while not getting involved into something disastrous. Better yet, believe it or not, my wife is actually up to date about it as well.
If you have followed my earlier postings, the sexless situation in our marriage is not completely unexpected, and having a sexual connection going on outside of the marriage that does not involve 'feelings' is also something she saw as a good solution.

But that also made it very clear, sex is just 'sex' if no feelings are involved. I loved being with the escort; she was cute, sweet and very sexy. My masseuse is sweet, cute, not very sexy but gives a hell of a massage and knows what makes me feel exceptionally satisfied.

But the problem is, nothing is expected of me. Oh, to fork over the dough, of course. It is not a bad thing; because it indeed gives me all the love at home, and all the sex as a service. So, perfect solution, no?

Well, no.

With an escort, it is almost like 'shopping' which is actually
what I did not like so much. The woman was beautiful in a girl-next-door
look, but still, it is too arranged. Too, weird.

As I said, nothing is expected of me. During the massage I am just laying on the table, have to turn over when my masseuse tells me, and just be showered and trimmed when I arrive. She'll take care of everything else.

The escort filled me with all the praise. That she loved more heavyset guys that have chest hair. She loved everything about me, even let me kiss her and kissed back passionately. And I loved licking her, cannot help it, but I also wanted to prove myself to her.
But I do not know if everything was real, and I assume it was not. Who knows. It does not matter.

But that is the problem, I want it to matter. Sex with someone who wants you badly, just like you want that someone, is something so very special. The desire to be with that person, touch her, discover her... the real passionate lust. Not lust for sex, but the lust for that someone.

And that makes what I am looking for so much more difficult to find and that I am starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, I will be settling for just what is happening right now.
Because I want to feel passionate for a woman, love her without the love as in a relationship. And I want her to feel absolutely the same towards me. Discrete, beautiful, sexy, and desiring the companionship as much as I do while also understanding that being married brings in a lot of agenda collisions.

So, if you dissect that wish-list completely, it is like asking for world-peace and the perfect apple-strudel a la mode at the same time. It is not going to happen.

Ah, but then, don't you need to set your aim high?

My friend Porn, meet my other friend Erotica!

Let's just talk a little bit of porn here. Just, plain porn. As you might have guessed from my last couple of postings, porn has played a very big part in my life. Porn is like my best friend who still doesn't remember my name after 35 years of loyalty. Porn is the friend I like to hate, but can't live without.

Gorgeous erotica, (c) PK-FOTO.nl

My friend porn is a bit jealous of my friend Erotica. And to put it all in perspective, let's say my friend Porn is a dude, and my friend Erotica is this sweet girl next door that my wife is not allowed to know that I love to spy on her. Because, well, Erotica is also a good friend of my wife. My wife doesn't mind Porn, but always likes it if he leaves again.

The problem is, Erotica, sweet as she is, she always brings Porn along, but he always shows up late, while Erotica shows up on time. In other words, Erotica always is followed by porn.

I love erotica. I have loved it from the very first moments that I saw it. Don't be mistaken, it is different than watching naked women. I can see a naked woman, and it might not have the impact that well made erotica does. When seeing a naked woman, even if she is beautiful; if I am not in the mood, it might look beautiful, but it is not having such an impact. Erotica is showing a woman (or a man) in such a way that it arouses you. Erotica doesn't have to be explicit, it doesn't even have to be nude or partially nude. Erotica can be created with a look in a woman's eye directed towards the viewer. It is lifting the skirt just a little bit so that you see the line of her lingerie. Well done erotica is the perfect balance of showing something that makes you warm inside, has that tingling feeling creep up on you softly, and takes your mind of the every day problems and get them into a state of arousal and happiness.
I always, without a single exception, am happy after seeing erotica.

So, actually, officially and biologically, this doesn't
make any sense. But fuck... it is sexy!
(c) julesjordan.com

Porn is different. Porn is not about the mood, it is about the explicitness, seeing every beautiful body in actually a very natural way. We always say that erotica is more like how sex should be, but, well, from nature's point of view it seems that porn is more biological sensible than erotica is. Alright, this statement immediately falls flat on its face because porn became a lot more than just showing people 'procreate'. Fucking each other to produce a next generation. I mean, squirting a fresh load of semen on a woman's face does nothing to populate this planet. Actually, biologically, it shows that a man might not even be intelligent enough to keep his cock inside of her until he ejaculates. I mean, sorry, but have you ever been in a woman? Reaching that orgasm? Where do people get the strength to actually pull it out? I don't know if I should be in awe of these people, or that I should start worrying about the average level of our next generation?

But even though porn might be littered with things that make no sense to the way of the world; anal sex is not helping her get pregnant (let's hope not), nor does watching a woman play with herself with a wide arsenal of toys. Better yet, lesbian sex, or homosexual or bi-sexual sex, also does not really do anything to do things, but fuck, it can be so good to watch!

More erotica, going far, but, still pretty tasty.

Erotica, however, makes in that perspective no sense at all. It is the teasing, but not really following up to the promise. It is like building up to a cliff-hanger that never get's a next episode. It is great to get into the mood, even stay in the mood, but I guess here is going to be the difference between the majority of men and the majority of women. Men love to then zoom in on more. We love to see the erotica, I think there is no man who doesn't like it, but after that, we want to see more. And the moment we get beyond that point, we just want to see it, in all detail, explicit and everything. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of women also like to see it, but I personally don't believe that there is any guy who can stick with just erotica, while I know a lot of women who do.

In the beginning I was more or less joking with my wife not liking my friend Porn. But, it is not completely true. Although I have mentioned that our marriage has some kinks that sadly cannot be straightened out, we both love Erotica and Porn. And my wife understands very well that Porn is more my friend than hers, she still can get along with him. We love it actually so much that our house is also filled with antique nudes, and we have collections of erotic literature and also magazines. We love to take photos of models, trying to create photos that are a perfect balance between erotica and porn. Something that shows a lot, is explicit enough, but not going over the deep end.

I do like going over the deep end. Oh, you can show me anything if I am in the mood; it cannot be explicit enough, with any kind of bodily fluid involved, at any location, dressed in whatever or without whatever clothing and with whomever or whatever. Of course I would like to show myself with a little more class, but come on, who am I kidding?

There is not a single one of you who can say this is not erotic, and not pornographic, at the same time. Fuck, the ladies from
X-Art.com are in my opinion the first ones who really are getting close to get it down to an art. Wow!

But, that balancing on the edge of erotica and porn, is actually very interesting. And there is not a lot out there of it. It should be naughty, it should be explicit, it should be like what if Erotica and Porn had a love-child. There is not enough of that.

Sooooo... for the first time I will actually invite you readers that if you know erotica that in your idea meet this criteria, respond to this posting. Of course, that is for all of you that made it through another one of my lengthy articles ;)

Enjoy!

Did I Really Visit An Escort? - Massage part II

Sometimes I really have to come back to what I have written before. And without me getting in my old postings and just modifying something, I think it is much more interesting simply to follow it up with another posting. Just as much fun.

A couple of postings ago I described of how getting a massage became a good alternative to my cheating lifestyle. And it actually is, although I have stopped the massage therapist that I was seeing and that I wrote about earlier. The simple fact is that it still did not feel as if it was a good alternative to what I was lacking. But, what was it that I was lacking?

It is easy to think that I was lacking sex. Which, of course, is true, but I also keep writing about how the mind is the most sexual organ, and with that, I do get enough sex at home. My wife and I are very open about sex, the problem is, she simply cannot have it. Period. But, on the other hand, I didn't like the fact to have sex without any passion. It made me felt empty and really bad.

So, yes, make up your mind! I could not really describe what I was missing. Well, I could, which is a connection with someone, very passionate, who loves all the attention, but also doesn't want a boyfriend, but also is completely open to my schedule, and is completely discrete.

Yes. I know. I ended up visiting an escort. The thing I thought I would never do, I did. And even though it is a couple of months ago now, I still don't know what to think of it. It was actually incredibly great, but also very weird, and not the way I thought it would be weird.
At one moment, I simply started looking around online, seeing if there was someone and what possibilities it might have. Just to play it out in my imagination. Of course, my better part of my ego warned me a gazillion times about safety, what if it is not a girl at all, or what is I am robbed, or even if she doesn't look the way she looks in the photo, or, of course what if it is a police officer?

But, as many men can describe you, once a thought has entered a man's mind about sex, it will dig in deep, nest in there, and will hang on like a leech until you keel over with a heart-attack. And at one moment just looking around online, there was this ad of this girl. And she looked fantastic. In my opinion at least. Not a model at all, but a very normal, but wonderful girl. Loveliest smile, fabulous eyes. Find me weird or not, but that is what does it for me. The smile and the eyes. I don't care about breast size or being very thing at all. You win me over with a smile.

Of course, I already painted this 'worst case scenario' that she actually had a beard, a gut and a voice that would make water boil. But, blood was flowing where it drained it from my brain, and I found myself sending her a message on the phone number that was listed. Fool! Stupid idiot. There I went, already giving out personal information.
And I almost immediately received a message back. She was able to receive me that afternoon after work, and even though the amount became more than listed, I was not in any condition to mention that, especially because the only words I would have been able to utter were 'bwahumba' and 'urghidastic'.

Even driving over there, my mind was racing and telling me all the time to just turn the car around, but no, I drove up to the address she mentioned and saw, next door, a bunch of guys sitting on their bikes and indeed, thought it was not the right thing to do. So I drove on. My mind taking the right decision. Until her message that she was outside, waiting for me and if I was in the area already. So, I decided to drive by one more time, and noticed the address was actually a couple of houses off. And there she was. Exactly like in her picture.

I parked, got out, and walked up to her. She greeted me with a wonderful smile and hugged me, and guided me inside... of this horrible apartment building. Well, it was a beautiful old house - once - and now it housed a couple of apartments. Getting over the stuff on the stairs was painful but eventually we arrived at the attic apartment. It was messy, stuff everywhere, but at least clean. And, well, she was there, almost just as nervous as I was.
When the door was closed, she immediately took of her clothes, stammered some words and then actually greeted me. This made me feel so much more relaxed, because clearly it was not my first time either. Well, after a bit of talking, it seemed it was not her first time as well, but she was anything from experienced. And it showed. Not because of her performance, but simply because she was way too honest about having just lubed up - which for a guy of course is not the thing you want to know. Of course I know that she is not naturally wet from a guy she just met, and not only that, attracted to just any guy. And although I will mention here that I don't think I am an unattractive guy at all, I might also not be just anyone's taste.

But she was overly complimenting on things that I know were fake, but she actually pulled it off so well that I really started to doubt. Which, of course, is also what I wanted. I don't want to have the idea that I am rejected but for the love of money, just come on! I want to have the feeling that I am the best thing on earth at that moment.

She had a stunning body. Very easily the most gorgeous body I had my fingertips run along. Her breasts were perfect, even though I am not a breast person. And wonderfully shaven. Her body was cold though, cool, which my mind just saw as a good thing because it was warm in the summer. See how you can make a good thing of something obviously pointing out she was not really into me.

She was asking immediately also if I would fuck her. But I was not here with such a beautiful girl just to hump and leave. That is not what I was here for. But I was afraid that it would be that. I asked if we just could cuddle a bit, and - although I knew the answer already - wouldn't mind kissing. If you read more of my postings, you know that kissing is extremely sexy to me. Surprised I was when she said she wouldn't mind kissing at all. More doubt. Was this then an act? Or not? Oh, I actually loved that game of confusion in my mind.

She was a good kisser, not fantastic, but a lot better than what I was used to. And the moment for me was when I asked her if I could lick her. Which she hesitantly agreed to, but with the warning that she did get lubed up, so, she might taste bitter.
Well, real men do not care! And she still tasted amazing. And I loved it. I love love love licking a woman. Just, give me that and I am a happy guy. And there, I was a happy guy. And she actually became a really happy girl. I was so proud of myself! Sure, I may brag. And I will brag.

Oh, a facial photographed like this always works.
In reality... slightly different.

She became much more talkative after that. We laid for quite some time simply in each other's arms. She played around with my dick a bit, and just talking a bit. About her, the apartment, actually about her boyfriend (yes, we did) and how she mentioned she would love, after that meeting was over, to visit other times too. Look, you don't have to convince me; it is a business transaction, and the sales she did, was amazing.
I was happy, yes, even without the fucking. The licking of such a beautiful woman was what it was for me already. I wouldn't care. When we were way beyond the hour we agreed to, she took me in her mouth, and very slowly started giving me the very first blow-job in my life that was absolutely amazing. Most blow-jobs I have had were okay at best, an occasional good, but this one was what a man dreams about. Her hands moving softly, her lips wet, her tongue delicious. And no hurry at all. For at least 10 minutes she did this before starting to increase the movements. She was laying on her side, jerking me off  until I reached my orgasm, which was a bit more powerful than she expected and actually hit her straight up her nose. Yep, a wonderful erotic experience, shooting a rope of sperm right up a girls nostril, who immediately gasps, trying to catch a breath, and coughs and runs to the bathroom snorting her nose, then come in howling with laughter.

And this is why I still don't really know about if this was a great experience or not. I know it is work for her, and a lot of the positive parts were simply her doing her job. But some moments were simply just so memorable. I did not fuck her, even though she offered it multiple times, I just loved the licking her, her orgasm ( which was the reason why she ended up giving an extra 40 minutes above the paid hour because she told me she had problems fucking after an orgasm ) the laying there and the unexpected ending of it.

The issue is, it is because it went like that that I liked it, but I was very sure that another time would be different. If I would have had sex with her, it would be me just humping her, while she was simply hoping it would be over. I am not an idiot, like anyone who works, we are all waiting for the time to go home. As was she. No doubt.

Well, if you read the story, you know it did not end like this... a lot less - ehm - classy ;)

So as fun as that experience was, and being with such a beautiful young girl, it still would not be the solution. There would be something else to be found... and I seemed to have found it a couple of months later which I will write about next time in the third part of the Massage story.

Buying Porn, Anxiety and other fond memories of sex.

You know that time when you start 'feeling old'? Many of us all probably already experienced, and all the others will feel it at one time as well. And there are a lot of you out there that will look at my age, and think I know nothing yet ;)

Of course, I could not put a photo here of a
man reading porn. Sorry women ;) Taken from
hardcoremandy.com

I have always been drawn to erotica and pornography. Not just for lust, but also that I always loved to see the form of a woman draped in such a way that it is the most beautiful, sexy and fascinating sight a man will every see. I had this from a young age, and gladly, I was raised in a part of the world where a guy my young age, before the age of 10, could still get his hands on some lecture from time to time by just being smart. Oh, I worn out those Penthouse magazines with my eyes before I knew well enough how to masturbate. And even than I read those comments next to the photos - still assuming they were real - reading that this eighteen year old woman was into this and that. Wow... eighteen... she was really a mature woman at that time.

Now, although I absolutely still love to see those photos, and I still subscribe to the Penthouse to this very day simply for nostalgic effect, but sometimes I do feel ashamed when I see that printed there - this eighteen year young girl this and that. Fuck. I am becoming an old fart!

I went through hoops to get my 'fix' of erotica when I was a teenager. The only place to get them that were accessible to me was a small kios-like store close to our school. A magazine called 'chick' sold their old magazines bundled in a tripple-pack which was perfectly priced for my wallet. And I was just tall enough to reach that top shelf. I had to work myself mentally up to even walk into that store, and overcome my fears to buy it. Keeping track if no-one was in the store, my heart racing in my throat, and then simply grabbing the pack, walking to the cash register, forking over the dough and stuffing it as soon as possible in my backpack, jump on my bike and race home.
By the time I was 15 I had a collection that could not be hidden in closets or even on my bookshelves anymore. Sorry precious teenage literature, make place for The Girls of Penthouse, Hustler and Chick.

There was something really exciting about it. The Chick, by the way, was pure trash. But at that time Hustler and Penthouse did not show porn yet, so it had to do. Even when I got my first computer halfway through the eighties, in pixelated black and white or 4-color CGA, I was watching, or drawing, porn. Right now it would seem so rediculous, but a computer would allow all kinds of visuals.
That actually even made me think. I developed stuff even at a young age, so, with a screen resolution of 320x200 in black and white (no grey gradients then) there are only 4.1 billion visuals possible. So, if I would just generate all of these possible images, I would actually also have every pornographic visual possible in any scenario. I would have the prefect pose, position with the perfect woman, any hair color (as long as it is black or white ;) ) that will ever exists. Better yet, I would have all the visuals of Game of Thrones season 12 already!

No kidding... and this was even a lot of colors... ah... it is how I learned to play poker.

Of course, I did not go that far. My computer could calculate maybe 1 images every 5 seconds that way. So, 20 billion seconds... 634 years. Game of Thrones would have been cancelled for about 625 years by then.

But that was how I wanted to see porn, and get access to it without all the anxiety. Right now, I miss that anxiety a bit. I want to see porn, I find it. I don't have to pay for it, no one may catch me, and then I have it. I have gazillions of images that I never watch. I watch 80-800 images when I masturbate when I am alone. And I cannot remember one of them. That has nothing to do with old age, but simply, it doesn't mean so much to me anymore. I still remember, in detail, those photos in those Penthouses that I looked over minute after minute. Every glittering of wetness on the lips, the closed eyes.

Maybe there is something to say for those 'good old days'.

Ahhhh.... Massage!

My wife got me addicted to a maybe healthy addiction. Massages. A couple of months age when I called in sick cough cough for work, she told me to join her for a couple of hours at the spa. As the standard guy of course I did not feel comfortable. Because however I liked the thought of a woman touching me, it is not a manly thing... of course ;) Two hours later I had signed up for the monthly plan.

I may sound so overly sexual here, but it doesn't mean that I am like that in the real life where you would meet me day after day. It took me a couple of visits before I actually went naked. And my wife had no problems with the fact that a young girl would touch me. Well, it was not that weird, because it might sound erotic to people who haven't taken a legit massage, but it is not that erotic at all. But man, it is so delicious.

I actually have behaving pretty well lately, and not been involved with just anyone. I decided that if I want to risk my marriage and my life, she will have to be pretty amazing. I am always looking, but not anymore for just anyone. But that also meant that with sex still being very absent in our marriage, there is a lot less passion to share.

Which, at one moment, got me to a weird idea. Maybe a not so legit massage would be in order. Maybe the thought of a massage parlor that does more than just massage. I was reading up on reviews, and actually there was a highly reviewed one near my work, when I actually thought about that a little bit more.

I will be very honest, the thought to be with a cute - most likely Asian - girl sounds very inviting, especially because the one near my place of work offered to so called full-service treatment (I have learned a lot ;) ). But finally it dawned on me; that is not what I want. Not even because it is actually prostitution. I come from a country where that is very legal, and it was not even that. It was that here, it simply is not that simple. And then the whole idea started to become weird. Was my lust for sex getting so overwhelming that I would not even care if a girl would do it voluntarily or not.

Yes, men can be so stupid from time to time, and really do let their dick think for them.

So what I ended up with was a perfect compromise. I found a legit massage therapist, an older woman. Not beautiful or anything sexual. Also close by, and she actually got great reviews. But the only thing was, that was different from a regular spa, she did not drape you.
So I planned a massage with her, and indeed, there was a nice room, warm, and just a table.

No blanket. And the massage was wonderful. And even though I would love to say that it didn't happen, but when turning around I could not do anything, no blanket to hide my erection. And she massages perfectly around it, neatly cleaning up the pre-cum, while staying so professional. It was incredibly relieving. Somehow, that hour on that table might have been as sexual to me as it could be. Not because of anything happening, but just being me, relaxing, and being just me. Nothing hiding myself, and most likely for her, nothing she has never seen yet. Something about that completely opening up felt so good. And another massage is planned for next week. Ah.

Plain Porn

As you might have noticed, sex is something that is on my mind a lot. Sure, I am a guy, that makes it already a given fact. But actually, it is really on my mind a lot. The erotic state of mind is something fascinating, and watching a female body naked or in such sexual way, is something incredible. Or multiple people in sexual situations always attracted my attention.

Before most boys of my age knew the official word for the female genitalia, I knew them not only how to write and spell it, but could draw them out by mind in any shape or form, simply because the gigantic collection of porn I already collected even before I actually played with myself. When I saw the first time a lady in the nude on a centerfold in a Playboy when I was about 4 or 5, I was hooked. Not that I understood it, or that I knew what it meant; but the fact that there was a magazine published about naked women must have meant that it was something special. I shared this fascination with my friend and while other kids - if they were lucky - tried 'playing doctor' once, we played the artist and his muse. She would pose just like the models in the Playboy and the Penthouses we could get our hands on, and I would draw her. Although I could not yet buy the magazines officially, it was no problem to get my hands on them. And before I even had my first orgasm, I owned more magazines; ranging from simple plain girlie mags to hardcore porn.

Porn and erotica always stayed something important to me. Sure, I love sex, but it is something else. I love to masturbate... simply love it. It is nothing to be compared to sex. Masturbation is selfish, alone, just me. Sex is something completely different. Sure, it has an orgasm as result and has to do with the thing between my legs, but that is where the similarity in my opinion ends.
And it only has been with my wife who actually understood this. And she did also not see it as something that meant I did not want her. I remember the moment when we were not yet even that long together that she was introduced to my collection, and already it became clear to her that it was to me not the dirty ripped apart and stained magazines under the bed. Perfectly ordered, in a couple of book cases, I had everything there. I simply love to see the female body. I love to see my wife's, but just any other too. I can masturbate for hours just looking at female bodies, sex...

The good thing about it and having the privacy for enjoying the self pleasuring is that I got completely comfortable with what I liked, and what not, and understanding that my preferences change. I know I am the cheater here, and that I will not in any way say that watching porn got my lust under control; not at all. But, it did get me to enjoy things that I could not enjoy with someone else.

For example; as you also may know by now, I have a huge passion for an orgasm and women. With which I mean, the male orgasm preferably in women. Porn should not have condoms. Sure, it is the right thing to do in real life, but porn is not real life. And while watching porn, it should stimulate the senses, and condoms just don't do that. My wife hates seeing the 'money shot', but for me, it is so incredibly sexy.

A lot of things I have developed an interest in, without even having experienced ever for real. It is not only the male orgasm on or in a woman that turns me on, but anything liquid that isn't blood. I love to see a woman pee. Never seen it in real life though, and still hope to experience it with someone one time. I don't even have to participate in it, I don't even know if I would like it, but just seeing it would already be a huge turn on. Until that time, photos will help me out enough.

The thing that I enjoyed learning about myself is that age is completely irrelevant to me. A mature lady might be much more sexy than a beautiful woman. It really differs per day, just like the ethnicity I would be interested in. Even the body type can change any moment. It is to me, the beauty is in the erotic mood. I cannot stand the faked sex, which is why I prefer photos over movies. The movies are always so acted, and never well done. Not only that, they are horrible as masturbation material because if you finally found the location you would like to experience your moment-supreme on, suddenly you are looking at the face of the guy at exactly your wrong moment. Photos are nice, and without the fake orgasm sounds.

Over the last 12 years I have had multiple women posing in front of the camera, the shoots that my wife directed and I shot. And seeing that side of the porn industry, the fact that making the shoots yourself is by far not as erotic as you might think, also put things in another light for me. I enjoy porn now as it should; shallow. It is just superficial what you see. And you know what? I don't care. Like snacking something once in a while; you know it is not nutritious, but it is so damn yummie.

Nepali Passion... How Cheating Can Get Too Risky

There would not be a single man alive, married or not, that
would have been able to resist.

I talk about the cheating from a very objective point of view. It is something I have under control; it is something I plan and find a special place for in my life. Well, that is how it might seem, and what I do try to achieve. But sometimes, something more might happen. Something I try to avoid at all costs is to have to concept of love come between the cheating and my regular life.
But once it hits, no matter how accidentally it might be, how do you get out of it? And do you want to?

I experienced this once. Even though I had been writing with this woman for a time, which was very casual, simple, and mostly because of friendship, we decided to meet. She knew I was married, I knew she was divorced, and we just wanted to meet. Nothing special. Well, nothing special... we had been talking about the lacking of passion in both our lives, and the need for a hug from someone.

But this certain Friday night, we decided to meet and we mentioned this little coffee place for the early evening. But halfway through the afternoon I notice the hesitation, and she called the meeting off, which might have been better anyway. So, I planned the evening alone at home, since my wife was away on a trip. Simply with a pizza and a movie, not doing anything that would be in any way productive.

Adorable, and quite close in
resemblance. Of course, this is not her.
But oh boy, does she bring back
memories.

But just before I settled in, she wrote me asking if I still might be willing to meet her. But since it was already getting later in the evening and the coffee place was closed. She wanted me to come by her place, but then, she did not feel completely comfortable with meeting a stranger at her place, which was totally fine with me. So she asked me to come to her town, and drive under her directions, and then meet here in front of her home.
And so I did. And in the total darkness, an hour later, I called her to mention that I should be somewhere nearby. She guided, and misguided me accidentally, a couple of times, but in the end I arrived, and saw this pretty woman standing outside, with her hands up, waving towards my car and holding a phone. I got out, we hugged, and she walked a little bit with me towards her apartment and guided me in.
We had a wonderful little talk, simple, honestly, and fun. About the things we talked prior to that evening, and why she suddenly wanted to back out, but in the end still decided to meet me. And it was simply a pleasant meeting in which we got to know each other.
Then, when we picked up our drinks and walked to her living room, she put the glasses aside, wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. Simply mumbling barely audible, that she appreciated so much that I was there. I wrapped my arms around her, and we stood like that for a little while. Totally in silence, just a pleasant hug, quietly, safe. Then she looked up, and I looked into her eyes, almost as black as night, almost as black as her long thick wavy hair. Her slightly tinted skin, and it was then that I literally melted in her arms. And without a word being said, our lips touched, and I felt her small pointy tongue find a way to play with mine, and the kiss became long, passionate, something incredible.
While grasping for air, I whispered "I want you..." by which she immediately stopped kissing, looked at me again, and simply asked; "Do you mean that?". Of course I meant it, but I just nodded and everything happened incredibly fast. She dragged me to her sofa, pushed me down into it. Unbuttoned my pants and undid the tie and pulled my lose. Without looking away but gazing into my eyes she removed her black panties from under her dress and crawled on top of me on the couch. I felt her fingers finding my cock, keeping it straight up, and then felt her slide over me, het heat touching me so smoothly and moisty. We did not talk, and she laid her head in my neck and felt her hard breating while she pumped herself on top of me. Her wetness made it so very smooth, her tightness so incredibly sexy, and soon I noticed why she jumped me like that, as she came within the minute while riding me. I felt her squeeze hard with her pussy, the trembling and shaking, and then put my deep inside of her while she experienced the slowly slowing down impact of her orgasm.

Did this just happen to me? I looked at her. This woman was stunningly beautiful. As I mentioned in earlier post, looks usually are not that important to me, it is the sexiness, the lust that my lover has, that makes me so into her. But I could not deny, this woman, let's call her Sara, simply was incredible. And within minutes of walking in the door she threw me on the couch and fucked me? I was still hard as I could be, and after she caught a breath, she bend down a bit backwards, still me inside of her, and apologized for her behavior, but that she had not have any sex since her divorce which was 5 months prior to that.

But while she was explaining, she softly started rocking, keeping me inside, fucking me so tenderly while we were actually having a conversation. And I did not want it to end. And it did not. And she didn't either. She stood up, undressed herself completely, while I did the same thing, and we went into one of those rare nights with hours of sexual play. Sometimes foreplay, sometimes fucking, and sometimes simply laying in each other's arms.
She was so incredible, so delicious, so sexy, that I could not ever refuse her delicious behind. And while licking her, I noticed how she raised her hips, and pulling her butt-cheeks apart, and without hesitation I licked here there too, immediately responded with heavy moaning, especially when I had my finger slide into her too.
Our night of sex brought us throughout her whole apartment, ending eventually with her passionately riding me once again in front of the window, where she at last ignored my warning of me almost coming, and instead looked at me and increased the pace in which the fucked me, and had me this time ejaculate forcefully inside of her. After at least 4 hours of our sexual game we were both incredibly exhausted, and she lay next to me, and we held each other close, kissed softly, and just laid there, on the floor, with each other.

This night was not something normal. When I drove home, I also noticed I could not get her out of my mind. Not just sexually, but how she behaved, how she looked. Two weeks later, just after my birthday, we met again at her apartment. And this time, she opened the door wearing a gorgeous lingerie outfit, lacking the underwear, mentioning that this was my birthday present and she bought it just for me.

Another night of pure erotic pleasure followed, and this time, we made sure it was even more incredible than it already was. I could not forget her eyes, her smile, the soft voice, the exotic looks. I kissed her goodnight way in the early hours of the morning, and noticed how absolutely smitten I was by this lady from Nepal. And that got us both thinking, and she actually wrote me that this might not be good. She knew my situation, I knew hers, and what we could give each other was less than what we wanted to. I am glad she was that strong though. If she would have asked me for other nights, I would not have been able to resist. And it would have become a very dangerous game to play.
I would not be able to resist! I could not even get her out of my mind! And I know by now, even though I might appear to be so in control; we all know I am not.

Because we all know that no man is in control with sex if a woman is involved. Even the promise of sex just makes our thinking blurry. Even if we have the best of best intentions.
Yes, I know, we are the weaker of the sexes... but enjoying it.

The Thing About Cheating is...

There is something weird about cheating. I noticed this over the last couple of weeks, and that is the following; you understand it when you do it, but if you do not, you don't know really what it is about. A lot of people are prejudiced, and almost no-one who is understands the real situation.

There are different levels of cheating, and I think you can categorize them in three levels:
- The person who cannot be monogamous.
- The person who has given in to temptation.
- The person who is seeking passionate/sexual attention that is not found in the existing relationship.

Let's not forget one thing; do never underestimate the second point. If there is even the slightest element of desire, even so well concealed, a person has to be made out of stone to resist temptation. When I met the woman I would cheat with, and that actually got me confessing to my wife, it was anything but about sex and cheating. Worse, the reason why we met was simple, we both got to know each other to resist the temptation.

Let me clarify. I knew the desire was there. The sex life in my marriage was nearly non-existing but that doesn't mean that the mind and body do not desire the sexual attention so much. But it was my idea to try to control it. As I mentioned before; I love my wife. I don't want to cheat. But when the desire takes over, the only thing you can think about is holding someone else, kissing their neck, feel the thighs wrapped around you, the moaning in your ear, the soft pressure of her breasts... the intense orgasms...

I actually needed help from someone who knew how to deal with this. And I found this someone. She had been in the same situation, but was able to manage it after a long time, and she had all kinds of tricks. And it worked actually pretty well, and got my mind off it. A while later she mentioned she would be in the neighborhood of where I work, and she asked me for some coffee during my break.
We met, had a very nice simple talk, nothing going on. But when we said our goodbye's and leaned in for a quick kiss on the cheeks, it ended up in a deep passionate kiss, and within minutes I heard her moaning while I fingered her in my car.

I, personally believe that if both people have a desire, there is no way to resist it, no matter how strong you think you are. Since then, I will never utter the words that I will never cheat again. Maybe I mean it, but I know, that if I am in the same situation, I am not in control at all. If you want to control it, control the situation, and avoid it.

But then, the other question is, should you?

That takes us to the third point; the person who is seeking passionate/sexual attention that is not found in the
existing relationship.
When you get married, or in any relationship, keep in mind that there is also a sexual expectation, just as much as there is one of love and caring. When you decide to be in a permanent relationship, you ought to know the other's sexual desires and level. This is not something that you can ignore.

Now, there are a hundred ways that sex leaves a relationship. Stress, lack of love, hormonal issues, medical issues, age, sexual incompatibility... and many more. The thing is, although we all know to work out our problems, fights and disagreements  no-one is actually working out their sexual problems. It is still too much of a taboo, even in a close or kinky marriage. Mentioning something about sexual problems is like saying the other is not good. And that is often not where you want to take a conversation.

The other thing is, that even if you can talk about it, I personally don't like to have sex with someone who doesn't want it. I know my wife often just doesn't want it, and I don't want her to do it just so I can have my fun. I don't work that way.
I rather find sex somewhere else so I don't bother my wife, and she doesn't have to do it when she doesn't want to, while someone else can be a perfect sexual match. I am not looking for love, just looking for a passionate match.

I personally think that cheating can have a solid place in a solid relationship. But, like with everything else, be prepared to take the consequences.

Now, this leaves one more point to discuss, the person that cannot be monogamous.

I think the 'cheating' going on here is on this person him or herself. I such a person understand him or herself completely, they would know a relationship is not for them, because the desire of being with someone new is simply too much.

And then there is the whole bunch of people being so negative about cheating. Sure, cheating is a game you play that has a lot of rules and traps and pitfalls. And playing the game means you have to be extremely careful. And also, a lot of people actually play the game.
And one of the rule is never to attract the attention to yourself. And the best way to do that is showing disgust on the subject. So, well, yes, in my personal opinion, the people yelling the hardest that cheating is so wrong are falling in one of two categories;

1. The people who secretly cheat themselves.
2. The people who will never get the attention that allows them to cheat.

But, again, that is my personal opinion. No proven facts here. Just my mind written down on a piece of empty web page.

Cheating... It Is Not A Full-Time Job

I have been spending my time online for the last couple of months. I have not been away, but just not been in much of the passion to add to this blog. Why not? It is not that the sex-drive has been gone. It is more about something natural; I just didn't feel like it.

Yes, I mention that I am an honest cheater, but it is not something that is on my mind constantly. As I mentioned before, cheating to me is finding someone with who I share a passion, in something I cannot find at home in my life, and is not easy to be returned there. And it is also not that I am non-stop looking for a new partner if I don't have one. Actually, that is not what I am doing at all.

A couple of months ago, I really felt the need of being with someone. And the thought crept over me that maybe I should see things more clearly. I am not trying to find a partner simply only for sex, it is more about the pure passion, and explosion of lust. Sex becomes so much more intense if you really are into the other person. But I am not looking for love. I am looking for someone to feel great with, and she with me, and then both get from each other what we cannot get at home.
But at that moment, I thought I might want to look at it another way. I am not a dumb guy, and I know that as soon as I reach a climax, the need of being with a woman is a lot less. Masturbation is great for this, but it is different.

Don't get me wrong, she was delicious and looked gorgeous. This photo
is not her though, and taken from Anilos.com

So, this time, I thought not to, well, shake it off, but maybe I could find a companion. Someone, who can set some time away for me, and we enjoy each other... a business deal. And I actually found a woman, and she found me, and we were both into this. She was older, which I don't mind in the least. Age is not that important to me, as long as the other person is just herself. We decided to meet first, and then see where it would lead to.
Well, it led to her bedroom, and a for me strange experience was about to happen, that maybe many of you are known with... but I was not.

She told me to undress, while she did the same, and asked me to put on a condom and she laid on her bed, spread her legs. I was actually asking if we could cuddle a little bit first.... we could... but no kissing. Now, I knew about the no-kissing thing, that that was a deal. But I never knew how much I love to kiss. Kissing is part of everything, it is what makes things so passionate.
Kissing her body was allowed, and I kissed and licked every single inch, but only mild responses.

I really was a bit bummed out, not fully realizing that this was a job for her. I simply could not wrap my mind around that then. I was allowed to lick her, and that I did. Was that wise? I don't know. I have been tested since and I was fine (I always keep myself tested... I don't want to bring anything home that doesn't belong there). But I love to lick. The taste of a vagina is incredible, and I can be like a suction cup... and never let go. But still, the fake moaning was a bore. The saying that 'Oh, you are so good!' were not really oscar-material. Everything was fake in her behavior, and I started to get the idea then that I wanted this to be something it is not. She was there to lend me her body, fuck her, release... and then getting out.

I got a kind of a break though, because suddenly, halfway through her 'Oh, you are so good!' she stopped, and then silence, the pelvis started to come up, and suddenly a whole other sounding sigh escaped. Licking her more like that kept her silent, and her soft moans deeper. She grabbed my head and pushed it against her lips, while I kept my pacing. About half a minute later her moans were loud, her pussy pressed against my tongue, and a subtle flow of clear liquid escaped and covered my tongue, while she fell down in the bed, and laid still for a while.

Then she looked up at me, as if regaining conciousness, and told me to lay down. She put a condom on me, let her slide on top of me, and she fucked me quickly. But no pauses, no passion, and her squeezing and non-stop motions made me orgasm pretty quickly, even though I tried to stop her. And there I was, spent. She got off of me, cleaned me up, and handed me my clothes.

What a bummer. I felt absolutely depressed. Yes, I was with a woman, but the lack of passion and lust was such a let-down. No, if I risk to cheat, it needs to be something special. Sex is just sex. It sounds weird, but it is not something good if passion and lust are not involved. At least, not for me.

How My Morales Flew Out The Window

My first experience with cheating was way, way before I got married, and way before I even met the wonderful woman who eventually would become my wife. My first experience with it was actually the other way around; I was the one who was cheated on.

Ah, a non-sexual image! Sorry, but it fit the story here.

I actually was this very naive, idealistic and moralistic boy who had his mind set on a couple of things;
1. I would love my virginity to the one and true one.
2. I would always stay faithful.

Heh... yeah... right.

Well, that is what I thought at that moment. And because of #1 I stayed a virgin well into my twenties. Not because I didn't have a possibility to lose it, but simply because I of course did not have the guts to even approach the girl I fell in love with. Long story short, a long, long time later, I met this Scandinavian girl. It took a while, but eventually we fell in love, and became this couple, completely consumed by each other. And the best of all, she also was extremely into sex. Into many different fetishes of which she introduced many into my life that still form a lot of my sexual desires.

This all went very fine. Sex was an incredible part of our relationship, and for me my sexual life went from 0 to 60mph overnight. We could be walking somewhere, and she would drag me in the shrubs, unbutton my pants and gave me the best blow-job ever right there. Or she could drag me into a crowded women's restroom, into a stall, lock it, and fuck me right there.

She always tried to pick the hotels that had the mirrors around us, because she wanted us both to see everything, from every angle, in all the detail.

But don't get me wrong, it was not that it was too much. No, the sex was amazing, but our relationship was incredible as well. Well, we had too make the best of it, because we saw each other only twice a year for a couple of weeks. Then she had to go back, or I did.

And visiting in Northern Scandinavia itself was special too. Making love outside while the Northern Lights showed up above us. Enjoying the sauna's and then, in between sessions, walking outside in the snow naked to let our bodies cool off.

But also here, I was too naive. Knowing that a woman was so filled with desire, could mean only two things; or she built up that desire over the time that we did not see each other, or, she always had this... and she then would have to find a relief.
Of course, at that moment, I did not even consider the second option.

Well, until Christmas Eve came by and in the middle of the night I received a phone-call, and between the moans I heard the voice of my drunken girlfriend, asking me if I could guess what she was doing. Of course, my heart sank, while she explained me that at that moment she was being banged by her former boyfriend. It was the shortest phone-call we have ever had.

Of course, it doesn't go like this, but this might be described how it feels.

The next day she called back, apologetic, telling me she never meant that to happen, but she was drunk, and needed it. And she also mentioned she thought I might enjoy the thought she was fucking while I had her on the phone. That I might be into that.

That marked the end of our relationship, and I was broken at the time. And I promised, never, ever to do that to someone I loved. Ever.

Well, and here I am, writing a blog about my cheating. Sigh. Sometimes I cannot even think about the hurt I might have brought to my wife when I confessed to doing it. There are many excuses that I might have to talk it all right, but, in the end... is there any good excuse? And I honestly mean this question, I see both the good and the bad in cheating.

Look, as it showed in the statistics I told about yesterday, half of all married women and married man cheat. And these are people who admit to it. There is a whole bunch of people who will not admit to it. So, let's assume that out of every 5 married couples you know, at lest 3 of the men and 3 of the women cheat. And a lot of these people will tell the world how bad it is. How irresponsible and bad you are behaving.

But it seems to be that only the minority is really faithful. And sure, there are many reasons, right and wrong, to be cheating. But I do think that a lot of relationships would not have to deal with it, as long as they communicate well. But, as it was also in our marriage, along the way, you start to keep sexual desires to yourself, because you are afraid that your spouse might not be into it.

After I confessed, we were forced to really talk about the lack of sex; the why, and how to continue. None of us wanted the marriage to fail. So, after that, there was nothing to hold back, and the darkest secrets came up. Mind you, I was not the only one with secrets, although I was the only one with the physical contacts.

And from that moment on, it seemed that we started to understand how this game works. This was just a significant part of our marriage; knowing each other. Now that my wife knows a lot of my sexual fetishes and desires, it is easier to talk about it. Also the other way around. And even though there are some medical reasons why sex will not return into our marriage, the sexual mindset has been discovered. There is more privacy, and we have a no-tell rule about physical contacts which I will explain more in detail in a later posting.

Anyway, we found a way to make it more or less work in our marriage. And instead of tearing the marriage apart, it seemed that the cheating somehow brought us closer together.

And that made me look back onto my old views on the world. Sex is an important part of life, affection even more, and showing someone your love even more. And just like with anything else that might be broken, you can fix it. Sometimes with the original parts; sometimes with new parts that you get somewhere else.

Protection? What Protection?

Wrong... but so good!

Yes, I mentioned it in my previous posting; with the Nepali woman, there was no protection. No condom, no discussion about it, and she even had me ejaculating deep inside of her...

Smart? Well... no.

I have my bachelor's degree, make a six-figure income, have tagged an IQ of 141 with an official testing, but in the end, I am also a guy. And guys, when promised sex, don't think. When a woman grabs you, holds your penis, and hovers over you, the voice that is shouting that you should wear a rubber is bound and gagged and completely ignored.
I don't know how it is with women, I don't hold that knowledge, but a man needs to think and plan the usage of condoms in advance.

And I had them with me. Actually, we did not expect to have sex at all. The reason why I visited the woman was because I needed to pick up my sheets for work after the weekend. I actually forgot the sheets. Why did I then have the condoms with me? Well, I hoped something might happen... but that it happened that fast, and so intense, was completely unexpected.

But I have been trained in the past; every time I ended up having sex with a woman without protection (ehm, it has happened about three times... maybe four...) I actually went for a test. Not the default right-that-same-day test, but the long one, which also rules out HIV. Because although being lost in the sexual pleasure, then the responsibility has to be taken afterwards. In the end, I don't want to bring home an STD.

So yes, in all my wisdom, still, the thought of being naked in a woman, holding her tight as you feel yourself releasing in her, is almost primitively magnificent. I don't know if it is the primal idea of impregnating a woman that makes this feeling happen, but one thing is true, there is a feeling that at least I experience when entering a woman au naturel.

Let me mention though, every time when it happened, it was the lady's initiative. I do always mention the condoms, but, yes, the flesh is weak... if she doesn't care, somehow my mind goes into stand-by mode. I should know better, but clearly, I don't.

Sigh.

It All Is About Sex

When your sex life gets boring... what can you expect?

As I have written in my earlier postings, I mention that my life as a cheater nowadays did not started happening because of lack of sex alone, but also because the lack of passion and affection in the marriage. It is not gone, it is just, not there. Does that make any sense? I think to a lot of you, who are in the same situation, it does, but a lot of people might not completely understand it.

My wife and I are crazy about each other. Married for a long, long time, I still cannot imagine myself being married to anyone else. The physical affection, the kissing, the sex, it is not, let's say, consumed. It is not that we have a loveless marriage, or that we are now simply good friends... no. We simply do not have it. It is like having a bag of rice in your pantry, but you don't eat it. It is there, but you don't eat it. Not because someone forgot about it, but because one of them just doesn't feel about eating rice. And you don't cook something special if you know the other doesn't feel like eating it.

That is different than having a loveless marriage that simply has no sex in it or any other kind of physical affection anymore. I would personally not call it a marriage anymore because every emotional reason to be connected to each other is gone.

So, two complete different categories. I am in the first. Which is also why the cheating is not completely without a feeling of guilt. And also, even though I mentioned not being a player, I might have to retract that statement. Because, well, I am looking for a woman with who to have an affair, not a one night stand. I want to love, be with someone, but like I said also in the text above, the love itself I find in my marriage. So, if I have to be honest, I might have to put myself a bit in the player field. And that, ehm... well... makes me being into it for... the sex.

I never thought I could be this shallow... :-)



No sex on the dining room table

Alright, I'd better confess up to it. Yes. I absolutely miss the sex. And everything with it. Sex for me is pure passion, love and lust. I want to be with a woman so intimately, as close to her as possible. I want to feel her, her heat, see her gorgeous body, lick her, fuck her, come inside of her. And not in a  quick way, no, I love to take the time, explore her body, have her explore mine. I love spontaneous sex, that the lust is so unbearable that you have to do it right there and then. Something, my wife and I do not have, and never had. Oh, we had that unbearable feeling of needing sex from each other right then and there but it never became spontaneous 'let-me-fuck-you-on-the-table' sex. No. The table is for eating, and she would never do it right there.

And... argh! That is what I would love! Having passionate sex, then and there, not worrying too much of where it is, what we might be doing there tomorrow, or what kind of juices might smear the carpet. I, for example, love the juicy kind of sex. My wife not so much. She calls me gross in that, I call it explicitly delicious. But then, sex is also not really possible for her anymore, without physical problems. And that is where the love plays a part in this. I don't want to bug her about sex, if I know that she does not really want it, but then also not really can.

And I have been with women that simply love the sex, that were so passionate, so incredible about it. One time with meeting the girl for the first time, a gorgeous Nepali woman, kissing within literally seconds when I walked through the door of her townhouse, and getting so passionate with kissing, that I whispered in her ear that I wanted her. She looked me straight in the eyes, said nothing, stood up, pulled down my pants, her panties, and kept my erect cock straight while she sat over it.

* spoiler alert - yes, without protection *

Now, let me get into that. There is no excuse, none whatsoever, that you don't wear a rubber as a guy when you cheat. Period. And for a woman, there is no excuse not to make him wear a rubber. You don't owe that to your self and your partner, but also to your spouse.
Still, I absolutely know very well why it doesn't happen so many times, because the passion is there, but also, it is so fucking good. Feeling the naked skin is so incredible. But I will go into that in deeper detail in my next posting.

 

Anyway, the sex with this wonderful woman, with who I had a 4 month affair, was absolutely amazing. That night our love making took four hours, and it simply was pure lust. And it was not just foreplay, or fucking, it was everything together. We simply could not stop, and the arousal was on such a high lever that we could not stop touching each other, even after all the orgasms we experienced that night. Just seeing her fingering herself after I had come inside of her, immediately turned me on again. And we did it in every room of her little townhouse. The couch, the dinging room table, the floor, the bed, the bath... she probably had to dry-clean every single shred of cloth in her house after that night.

But that is what I meant, the thing that I was so lucky to experience. The sex that was so intense. So amazing.

So, yes, I will admit. I am shallow, and fuck, I absolutely am looking for sex. Not just with anyone, mind you! But, yes, absolutely looking.