The Thing About Cheating is...

There is something weird about cheating. I noticed this over the last couple of weeks, and that is the following; you understand it when you do it, but if you do not, you don't know really what it is about. A lot of people are prejudiced, and almost no-one who is understands the real situation.

There are different levels of cheating, and I think you can categorize them in three levels:
- The person who cannot be monogamous.
- The person who has given in to temptation.
- The person who is seeking passionate/sexual attention that is not found in the existing relationship.

Let's not forget one thing; do never underestimate the second point. If there is even the slightest element of desire, even so well concealed, a person has to be made out of stone to resist temptation. When I met the woman I would cheat with, and that actually got me confessing to my wife, it was anything but about sex and cheating. Worse, the reason why we met was simple, we both got to know each other to resist the temptation.

Let me clarify. I knew the desire was there. The sex life in my marriage was nearly non-existing but that doesn't mean that the mind and body do not desire the sexual attention so much. But it was my idea to try to control it. As I mentioned before; I love my wife. I don't want to cheat. But when the desire takes over, the only thing you can think about is holding someone else, kissing their neck, feel the thighs wrapped around you, the moaning in your ear, the soft pressure of her breasts... the intense orgasms...

I actually needed help from someone who knew how to deal with this. And I found this someone. She had been in the same situation, but was able to manage it after a long time, and she had all kinds of tricks. And it worked actually pretty well, and got my mind off it. A while later she mentioned she would be in the neighborhood of where I work, and she asked me for some coffee during my break.
We met, had a very nice simple talk, nothing going on. But when we said our goodbye's and leaned in for a quick kiss on the cheeks, it ended up in a deep passionate kiss, and within minutes I heard her moaning while I fingered her in my car.

I, personally believe that if both people have a desire, there is no way to resist it, no matter how strong you think you are. Since then, I will never utter the words that I will never cheat again. Maybe I mean it, but I know, that if I am in the same situation, I am not in control at all. If you want to control it, control the situation, and avoid it.

But then, the other question is, should you?

That takes us to the third point; the person who is seeking passionate/sexual attention that is not found in the
existing relationship.
When you get married, or in any relationship, keep in mind that there is also a sexual expectation, just as much as there is one of love and caring. When you decide to be in a permanent relationship, you ought to know the other's sexual desires and level. This is not something that you can ignore.

Now, there are a hundred ways that sex leaves a relationship. Stress, lack of love, hormonal issues, medical issues, age, sexual incompatibility... and many more. The thing is, although we all know to work out our problems, fights and disagreements  no-one is actually working out their sexual problems. It is still too much of a taboo, even in a close or kinky marriage. Mentioning something about sexual problems is like saying the other is not good. And that is often not where you want to take a conversation.

The other thing is, that even if you can talk about it, I personally don't like to have sex with someone who doesn't want it. I know my wife often just doesn't want it, and I don't want her to do it just so I can have my fun. I don't work that way.
I rather find sex somewhere else so I don't bother my wife, and she doesn't have to do it when she doesn't want to, while someone else can be a perfect sexual match. I am not looking for love, just looking for a passionate match.

I personally think that cheating can have a solid place in a solid relationship. But, like with everything else, be prepared to take the consequences.

Now, this leaves one more point to discuss, the person that cannot be monogamous.

I think the 'cheating' going on here is on this person him or herself. I such a person understand him or herself completely, they would know a relationship is not for them, because the desire of being with someone new is simply too much.

And then there is the whole bunch of people being so negative about cheating. Sure, cheating is a game you play that has a lot of rules and traps and pitfalls. And playing the game means you have to be extremely careful. And also, a lot of people actually play the game.
And one of the rule is never to attract the attention to yourself. And the best way to do that is showing disgust on the subject. So, well, yes, in my personal opinion, the people yelling the hardest that cheating is so wrong are falling in one of two categories;

1. The people who secretly cheat themselves.
2. The people who will never get the attention that allows them to cheat.

But, again, that is my personal opinion. No proven facts here. Just my mind written down on a piece of empty web page.

Young, Old and Everything In-Between

Actually, my whole entire sexual life I have had mostly women who were older than I was. The very first older woman was actually 25 years older, and she still is one of the best lovers I have ever had. It is the classic tale of a mother in a broken marriage, and I who had been good friends for a long time. She was a lawyer, and because of my knowledge of computers and IT, I handled some computer work in her office.


It might not be everyone's thing, but
I think mature women are stunning!

After a year, helping her out one time, she kissed me while leaving, and then pulled me back into her house, into her bedroom, and gave me my first blowjob. As I mentioned before, I was not early into the world of sex, and she knew my ideology about sex, so she mentioned also that it would not go beyond a blowjob. And it went all the way with that, even when I told her I was about to come, she kept sucking me, letting me ejaculate in her mouth, and swallowing it.

I lost my virginity two weeks later to my Scandinavian girlfriend. And when we broke up, I again spend more time with this older woman. And from that moment on, it did not end with just blowjobs. Over the years we met regularly, having incredible sex, masturbating together, and her showing me how she could ejaculate - a mental image that will never leave me!

But I have had more older women. Some ranging to a 20 years older till my age. And they were all married or divorced women, looking for more pleasure at that time. And I found out that having sex this way was not only an 'easy' way to have sex, in my opinion older women knew much better what they wanted with sex, and what they were good at.



But such a young woman is also so incredibly
sexy... I have to experience that once.

I actually never had sex with a younger girl. Even up till now, the only younger woman I have had sex with is my wife, and she is just one year younger. And believe me, I would love to try that once, having sex with a beautiful younger girl, in her twenties, still exploring her sexuality. My only problem is that now that my idea is that older women can be so good in bed, that I fear maybe a younger girl might not be. Stupid of course, but still.

And also because every woman is different, it maybe has nothing to do with age. But, I hope to be one to find out myself one day...