Porn and old media...

I received an message earlier today asking me if I would still be blogging since I did not write for such a long time. And it actually hit me then, that is has been a long time. And while this person and I were writing for a bit, the subject of VHS came up... the old plastic cartridges and the tape inside you learned to fix with tape to keep watching the dirty movies you encountered.

Although I have read nudie magazines from very early on, and already discovered the book 'the Joy of Sex' on my parents' bookshelf. But I never actually thought there was anything about sex beyond that. In my young mind, and I talk way, way before I experienced the pleasures of touch myself, I simply did not connect those dots just yet.
The girls in the magazines, Playboy and Penthouse in my dads magazine subscription suitcase he got from work once a week, simply were nude. And that is already where I laid down my preference for the Penthouse magazine, because there I could see far better between the legs.

And that is also when suddenly, one morning when that suitcase had to be returned to the office, one magazine was missing. It was the December 1986 issue of the Penthouse.

Just to make very sure, I actually had to do some research for which issue it was, and it took me some whole 5 minutes to figure it out.

From that moment, the American Penthouse was my magazine. And living in Europe, being a kid not even reaching an age with two digits yet, it was amazing.

Once I actually hit those two digits and I experienced the first pleasures of an orgasm, forget it, it was ON! As most likely any guy out there, it has resulted as likely the only source of steady exercise a guy gets. But I always loved the magazine. And I was not against Playboy, or later the Hustler when I discovered it, but at that moment, I was in love.

The 'love' part came mostly because of the centerfold Jill Shawntai. That magazine lasted throughout most of my teenage years until at one ridiculous moment I decided to 'clean up' and trash my whole

collection of magazines. I have then also to admit that the photo to the left taught me more about the
female genitalia than anything else. I have studied this photo as if it was homework. Sure, right now it is nothing special anymore that you will not see if you stay for three seconds on Google and fill out any anatomical name. But remember that time, that the only porn you saw was what you 'discovered' so secretly somewhere else in the house?

Well, no matter what, even though times have changed, I still love the magazines, and I still am subscribing to the Penthouse. Sure, it changed a lot through the years. It became very hardcore, and after the reorganization it became temporarily even more 'clean' that Playboy has ever been.

But the idea of the magazine, the stills, is still very erotic to me. And yes, we can credit it even to the photo to the right that I got into photography at all so many years later.

But, that was my link to sex. That was what sex was to me, these photos. Watching women, posing. So when I saw a real hard-core photo in a sex magazine that I accidentally found without me absolutely snooping around in my parents' room for it - how dare you insinuate that! - my life and mind just blew up. I knew of course what would happen, geez, they drew it out so nicely in 'The Joy Of Sex'. But actually seeing it? Wow! Look, that women already posed like they did in these magazines was already something I wondered about, but there were actually people actually having sex? On photos? What was the world coming to?

Of course, I was frustrated, because that was the only magazine I found. So I had a very limited supply of real pornographic photos. And believe me, they were not good. Oh, they were not good at all. But, well, there was a penis sliding into a vagina. How much better could it get?

That answer was given when I saw my first porn shot. On the VHS tape that I expected had my cartoon from the day before on it. Oh, it was no toon, but oh, I liked it so much better. And I then made it my mission, to go through all the thirty 4-hour-stretched-to-8-hour tapes to find out if there was more of this drug on there.

And that was when movies like Sky Foxes or Hanky Panky, Pizza Girls and such came to my attention. Ah, nostalgia. But the most interesting part of it was not the porn itself, but the whole experience around it. Just like I wrote in my last posting, the buying of porn itself was half the fun, and sometimes half the arousal.
 

The getting your tape, forwarding it, playing it, rewinding, playing it again, and just enjoying those moments while at the same time you were alert as a fox for any sound that might imply someone was coming home.

Right now, although I can get my hands on these old movies through the magic of the internet, it still is lacking. Suddenly, it is that old, outdated kind of porn. By nostalgia fun and erotic, but hopelessly outdated. Ah, but the good old memories...

I make no illusions, getting porn through the internet does beat everything. At any time, thinking about something, and getting it right away. We are getting way too lazy for porn.

But, call me an old fart, but just like that I still prefer reading a book holding the hardcover in my hand, I still enjoy receiving, every month, the Penthouse and Hustler by mail. Yes, I might be that only subscriber left... but I prefer that to online.

Buying Porn, Anxiety and other fond memories of sex.

You know that time when you start 'feeling old'? Many of us all probably already experienced, and all the others will feel it at one time as well. And there are a lot of you out there that will look at my age, and think I know nothing yet ;)

Of course, I could not put a photo here of a
man reading porn. Sorry women ;) Taken from
hardcoremandy.com

I have always been drawn to erotica and pornography. Not just for lust, but also that I always loved to see the form of a woman draped in such a way that it is the most beautiful, sexy and fascinating sight a man will every see. I had this from a young age, and gladly, I was raised in a part of the world where a guy my young age, before the age of 10, could still get his hands on some lecture from time to time by just being smart. Oh, I worn out those Penthouse magazines with my eyes before I knew well enough how to masturbate. And even than I read those comments next to the photos - still assuming they were real - reading that this eighteen year old woman was into this and that. Wow... eighteen... she was really a mature woman at that time.

Now, although I absolutely still love to see those photos, and I still subscribe to the Penthouse to this very day simply for nostalgic effect, but sometimes I do feel ashamed when I see that printed there - this eighteen year young girl this and that. Fuck. I am becoming an old fart!

I went through hoops to get my 'fix' of erotica when I was a teenager. The only place to get them that were accessible to me was a small kios-like store close to our school. A magazine called 'chick' sold their old magazines bundled in a tripple-pack which was perfectly priced for my wallet. And I was just tall enough to reach that top shelf. I had to work myself mentally up to even walk into that store, and overcome my fears to buy it. Keeping track if no-one was in the store, my heart racing in my throat, and then simply grabbing the pack, walking to the cash register, forking over the dough and stuffing it as soon as possible in my backpack, jump on my bike and race home.
By the time I was 15 I had a collection that could not be hidden in closets or even on my bookshelves anymore. Sorry precious teenage literature, make place for The Girls of Penthouse, Hustler and Chick.

There was something really exciting about it. The Chick, by the way, was pure trash. But at that time Hustler and Penthouse did not show porn yet, so it had to do. Even when I got my first computer halfway through the eighties, in pixelated black and white or 4-color CGA, I was watching, or drawing, porn. Right now it would seem so rediculous, but a computer would allow all kinds of visuals.
That actually even made me think. I developed stuff even at a young age, so, with a screen resolution of 320x200 in black and white (no grey gradients then) there are only 4.1 billion visuals possible. So, if I would just generate all of these possible images, I would actually also have every pornographic visual possible in any scenario. I would have the prefect pose, position with the perfect woman, any hair color (as long as it is black or white ;) ) that will ever exists. Better yet, I would have all the visuals of Game of Thrones season 12 already!

No kidding... and this was even a lot of colors... ah... it is how I learned to play poker.

Of course, I did not go that far. My computer could calculate maybe 1 images every 5 seconds that way. So, 20 billion seconds... 634 years. Game of Thrones would have been cancelled for about 625 years by then.

But that was how I wanted to see porn, and get access to it without all the anxiety. Right now, I miss that anxiety a bit. I want to see porn, I find it. I don't have to pay for it, no one may catch me, and then I have it. I have gazillions of images that I never watch. I watch 80-800 images when I masturbate when I am alone. And I cannot remember one of them. That has nothing to do with old age, but simply, it doesn't mean so much to me anymore. I still remember, in detail, those photos in those Penthouses that I looked over minute after minute. Every glittering of wetness on the lips, the closed eyes.

Maybe there is something to say for those 'good old days'.

When Cheating Becomes... A Chore

Not too long ago I was invited to a woman's house for just simply oral sex. I missed it so much. Giving oral sex is to me much more intimate than just sex, because it is so much more up close and personal. I do enjoy it the most of all the sexual acts. And this woman was craving it, since most partners did want to fuck her, but did not want to lick her. 

And I loved every single moment of it. It just was delicious. She was clean, sexy and absolutely a Michelin star quality. After she had orgasmed intensely she rewarded me with returning the favor. I have had a number of blow-jobs of different women during my life, but I have to be honest that hardly any was really good or interesting. But this lady was amazing. I could have it going on for hours the way she did it. But the moment did arrive and I enjoyed a very intense orgasm myself.
When I left, she begged me to visit her again soon, when her husband was away. As she did as well through email later on. Even then, although our arraignment was just to have oral sex, she told me that if I accidentally would slide it in, she might not refuse me being inside of her.

Another lady who I wrote with for over a year with who I have a normal friendship, turned the heat up underneath it and invited me over to meet her because her husband did not satisfy her. And she wanted to rent out a motel room so badly to just experience pure lust, the two of us.

I ended up meeting no one. Oh, believe me, parts of me wanted to badly, but it felt just as if it wasn't worth it anymore. I did not cheat often on my wife since I had to confess to her that I did it, now almost three years ago. Actually, I only have been once inside of another woman since then. 
And it is not that the scenery has changed, but more that something feels like it is becoming a bother. It becomes sex for the sex. When I was younger, I could have sex with anyone. I had sex with models, as well as women who were - slightly said - not so pretty. Some where young, some were twice my age. It was more about how sexual someone was that made me want to be with them. And although I behaved so very well before I lost my virginity; I made up a lot after that moment in time. 

But now, especially after I felt the fear of my life slipping away by leaving it in my wife's hand

what to do after I confessed to her, it feels that it should be more than just sex. My body aches for it, begs me to find a woman and just fuck her. But my mind is not that blend. I want to find a woman who is unique, gorgeous, delicious and lovely and smart. I want to be really attracted to her, wanting to be with her and thinking of her when I close my eyes. So that when we can be together alone, the desire and passion is much more intense than a 'quickie'.

I hear my old self beating me up, calling me a fool. But maybe it is more life experience. I would like to be with someone special if I am going to risk it all again. Someone gorgeous, and someone who puts me under her spell. It is too easy to cheat, harder to do it right.

Ahhhh.... Massage!

My wife got me addicted to a maybe healthy addiction. Massages. A couple of months age when I called in sick cough cough for work, she told me to join her for a couple of hours at the spa. As the standard guy of course I did not feel comfortable. Because however I liked the thought of a woman touching me, it is not a manly thing... of course ;) Two hours later I had signed up for the monthly plan.

I may sound so overly sexual here, but it doesn't mean that I am like that in the real life where you would meet me day after day. It took me a couple of visits before I actually went naked. And my wife had no problems with the fact that a young girl would touch me. Well, it was not that weird, because it might sound erotic to people who haven't taken a legit massage, but it is not that erotic at all. But man, it is so delicious.

I actually have behaving pretty well lately, and not been involved with just anyone. I decided that if I want to risk my marriage and my life, she will have to be pretty amazing. I am always looking, but not anymore for just anyone. But that also meant that with sex still being very absent in our marriage, there is a lot less passion to share.

Which, at one moment, got me to a weird idea. Maybe a not so legit massage would be in order. Maybe the thought of a massage parlor that does more than just massage. I was reading up on reviews, and actually there was a highly reviewed one near my work, when I actually thought about that a little bit more.

I will be very honest, the thought to be with a cute - most likely Asian - girl sounds very inviting, especially because the one near my place of work offered to so called full-service treatment (I have learned a lot ;) ). But finally it dawned on me; that is not what I want. Not even because it is actually prostitution. I come from a country where that is very legal, and it was not even that. It was that here, it simply is not that simple. And then the whole idea started to become weird. Was my lust for sex getting so overwhelming that I would not even care if a girl would do it voluntarily or not.

Yes, men can be so stupid from time to time, and really do let their dick think for them.

So what I ended up with was a perfect compromise. I found a legit massage therapist, an older woman. Not beautiful or anything sexual. Also close by, and she actually got great reviews. But the only thing was, that was different from a regular spa, she did not drape you.
So I planned a massage with her, and indeed, there was a nice room, warm, and just a table.

No blanket. And the massage was wonderful. And even though I would love to say that it didn't happen, but when turning around I could not do anything, no blanket to hide my erection. And she massages perfectly around it, neatly cleaning up the pre-cum, while staying so professional. It was incredibly relieving. Somehow, that hour on that table might have been as sexual to me as it could be. Not because of anything happening, but just being me, relaxing, and being just me. Nothing hiding myself, and most likely for her, nothing she has never seen yet. Something about that completely opening up felt so good. And another massage is planned for next week. Ah.

Plain Porn

As you might have noticed, sex is something that is on my mind a lot. Sure, I am a guy, that makes it already a given fact. But actually, it is really on my mind a lot. The erotic state of mind is something fascinating, and watching a female body naked or in such sexual way, is something incredible. Or multiple people in sexual situations always attracted my attention.

Before most boys of my age knew the official word for the female genitalia, I knew them not only how to write and spell it, but could draw them out by mind in any shape or form, simply because the gigantic collection of porn I already collected even before I actually played with myself. When I saw the first time a lady in the nude on a centerfold in a Playboy when I was about 4 or 5, I was hooked. Not that I understood it, or that I knew what it meant; but the fact that there was a magazine published about naked women must have meant that it was something special. I shared this fascination with my friend and while other kids - if they were lucky - tried 'playing doctor' once, we played the artist and his muse. She would pose just like the models in the Playboy and the Penthouses we could get our hands on, and I would draw her. Although I could not yet buy the magazines officially, it was no problem to get my hands on them. And before I even had my first orgasm, I owned more magazines; ranging from simple plain girlie mags to hardcore porn.

Porn and erotica always stayed something important to me. Sure, I love sex, but it is something else. I love to masturbate... simply love it. It is nothing to be compared to sex. Masturbation is selfish, alone, just me. Sex is something completely different. Sure, it has an orgasm as result and has to do with the thing between my legs, but that is where the similarity in my opinion ends.
And it only has been with my wife who actually understood this. And she did also not see it as something that meant I did not want her. I remember the moment when we were not yet even that long together that she was introduced to my collection, and already it became clear to her that it was to me not the dirty ripped apart and stained magazines under the bed. Perfectly ordered, in a couple of book cases, I had everything there. I simply love to see the female body. I love to see my wife's, but just any other too. I can masturbate for hours just looking at female bodies, sex...

The good thing about it and having the privacy for enjoying the self pleasuring is that I got completely comfortable with what I liked, and what not, and understanding that my preferences change. I know I am the cheater here, and that I will not in any way say that watching porn got my lust under control; not at all. But, it did get me to enjoy things that I could not enjoy with someone else.

For example; as you also may know by now, I have a huge passion for an orgasm and women. With which I mean, the male orgasm preferably in women. Porn should not have condoms. Sure, it is the right thing to do in real life, but porn is not real life. And while watching porn, it should stimulate the senses, and condoms just don't do that. My wife hates seeing the 'money shot', but for me, it is so incredibly sexy.

A lot of things I have developed an interest in, without even having experienced ever for real. It is not only the male orgasm on or in a woman that turns me on, but anything liquid that isn't blood. I love to see a woman pee. Never seen it in real life though, and still hope to experience it with someone one time. I don't even have to participate in it, I don't even know if I would like it, but just seeing it would already be a huge turn on. Until that time, photos will help me out enough.

The thing that I enjoyed learning about myself is that age is completely irrelevant to me. A mature lady might be much more sexy than a beautiful woman. It really differs per day, just like the ethnicity I would be interested in. Even the body type can change any moment. It is to me, the beauty is in the erotic mood. I cannot stand the faked sex, which is why I prefer photos over movies. The movies are always so acted, and never well done. Not only that, they are horrible as masturbation material because if you finally found the location you would like to experience your moment-supreme on, suddenly you are looking at the face of the guy at exactly your wrong moment. Photos are nice, and without the fake orgasm sounds.

Over the last 12 years I have had multiple women posing in front of the camera, the shoots that my wife directed and I shot. And seeing that side of the porn industry, the fact that making the shoots yourself is by far not as erotic as you might think, also put things in another light for me. I enjoy porn now as it should; shallow. It is just superficial what you see. And you know what? I don't care. Like snacking something once in a while; you know it is not nutritious, but it is so damn yummie.

I would like to invite all other cheaters also to send me their stories about their experiences, and fill up this blog with more experiences but only mine. I will not post just simply anything, but the stories, confessions and experiences that fit this blog perfectly fine.

Send your postings to letswriteaboutsex@gmail.com
The Honest Cheater

Nepali Passion... How Cheating Can Get Too Risky

There would not be a single man alive, married or not, that
would have been able to resist.

I talk about the cheating from a very objective point of view. It is something I have under control; it is something I plan and find a special place for in my life. Well, that is how it might seem, and what I do try to achieve. But sometimes, something more might happen. Something I try to avoid at all costs is to have to concept of love come between the cheating and my regular life.
But once it hits, no matter how accidentally it might be, how do you get out of it? And do you want to?

I experienced this once. Even though I had been writing with this woman for a time, which was very casual, simple, and mostly because of friendship, we decided to meet. She knew I was married, I knew she was divorced, and we just wanted to meet. Nothing special. Well, nothing special... we had been talking about the lacking of passion in both our lives, and the need for a hug from someone.

But this certain Friday night, we decided to meet and we mentioned this little coffee place for the early evening. But halfway through the afternoon I notice the hesitation, and she called the meeting off, which might have been better anyway. So, I planned the evening alone at home, since my wife was away on a trip. Simply with a pizza and a movie, not doing anything that would be in any way productive.

Adorable, and quite close in
resemblance. Of course, this is not her.
But oh boy, does she bring back
memories.

But just before I settled in, she wrote me asking if I still might be willing to meet her. But since it was already getting later in the evening and the coffee place was closed. She wanted me to come by her place, but then, she did not feel completely comfortable with meeting a stranger at her place, which was totally fine with me. So she asked me to come to her town, and drive under her directions, and then meet here in front of her home.
And so I did. And in the total darkness, an hour later, I called her to mention that I should be somewhere nearby. She guided, and misguided me accidentally, a couple of times, but in the end I arrived, and saw this pretty woman standing outside, with her hands up, waving towards my car and holding a phone. I got out, we hugged, and she walked a little bit with me towards her apartment and guided me in.
We had a wonderful little talk, simple, honestly, and fun. About the things we talked prior to that evening, and why she suddenly wanted to back out, but in the end still decided to meet me. And it was simply a pleasant meeting in which we got to know each other.
Then, when we picked up our drinks and walked to her living room, she put the glasses aside, wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. Simply mumbling barely audible, that she appreciated so much that I was there. I wrapped my arms around her, and we stood like that for a little while. Totally in silence, just a pleasant hug, quietly, safe. Then she looked up, and I looked into her eyes, almost as black as night, almost as black as her long thick wavy hair. Her slightly tinted skin, and it was then that I literally melted in her arms. And without a word being said, our lips touched, and I felt her small pointy tongue find a way to play with mine, and the kiss became long, passionate, something incredible.
While grasping for air, I whispered "I want you..." by which she immediately stopped kissing, looked at me again, and simply asked; "Do you mean that?". Of course I meant it, but I just nodded and everything happened incredibly fast. She dragged me to her sofa, pushed me down into it. Unbuttoned my pants and undid the tie and pulled my lose. Without looking away but gazing into my eyes she removed her black panties from under her dress and crawled on top of me on the couch. I felt her fingers finding my cock, keeping it straight up, and then felt her slide over me, het heat touching me so smoothly and moisty. We did not talk, and she laid her head in my neck and felt her hard breating while she pumped herself on top of me. Her wetness made it so very smooth, her tightness so incredibly sexy, and soon I noticed why she jumped me like that, as she came within the minute while riding me. I felt her squeeze hard with her pussy, the trembling and shaking, and then put my deep inside of her while she experienced the slowly slowing down impact of her orgasm.

Did this just happen to me? I looked at her. This woman was stunningly beautiful. As I mentioned in earlier post, looks usually are not that important to me, it is the sexiness, the lust that my lover has, that makes me so into her. But I could not deny, this woman, let's call her Sara, simply was incredible. And within minutes of walking in the door she threw me on the couch and fucked me? I was still hard as I could be, and after she caught a breath, she bend down a bit backwards, still me inside of her, and apologized for her behavior, but that she had not have any sex since her divorce which was 5 months prior to that.

But while she was explaining, she softly started rocking, keeping me inside, fucking me so tenderly while we were actually having a conversation. And I did not want it to end. And it did not. And she didn't either. She stood up, undressed herself completely, while I did the same thing, and we went into one of those rare nights with hours of sexual play. Sometimes foreplay, sometimes fucking, and sometimes simply laying in each other's arms.
She was so incredible, so delicious, so sexy, that I could not ever refuse her delicious behind. And while licking her, I noticed how she raised her hips, and pulling her butt-cheeks apart, and without hesitation I licked here there too, immediately responded with heavy moaning, especially when I had my finger slide into her too.
Our night of sex brought us throughout her whole apartment, ending eventually with her passionately riding me once again in front of the window, where she at last ignored my warning of me almost coming, and instead looked at me and increased the pace in which the fucked me, and had me this time ejaculate forcefully inside of her. After at least 4 hours of our sexual game we were both incredibly exhausted, and she lay next to me, and we held each other close, kissed softly, and just laid there, on the floor, with each other.

This night was not something normal. When I drove home, I also noticed I could not get her out of my mind. Not just sexually, but how she behaved, how she looked. Two weeks later, just after my birthday, we met again at her apartment. And this time, she opened the door wearing a gorgeous lingerie outfit, lacking the underwear, mentioning that this was my birthday present and she bought it just for me.

Another night of pure erotic pleasure followed, and this time, we made sure it was even more incredible than it already was. I could not forget her eyes, her smile, the soft voice, the exotic looks. I kissed her goodnight way in the early hours of the morning, and noticed how absolutely smitten I was by this lady from Nepal. And that got us both thinking, and she actually wrote me that this might not be good. She knew my situation, I knew hers, and what we could give each other was less than what we wanted to. I am glad she was that strong though. If she would have asked me for other nights, I would not have been able to resist. And it would have become a very dangerous game to play.
I would not be able to resist! I could not even get her out of my mind! And I know by now, even though I might appear to be so in control; we all know I am not.

Because we all know that no man is in control with sex if a woman is involved. Even the promise of sex just makes our thinking blurry. Even if we have the best of best intentions.
Yes, I know, we are the weaker of the sexes... but enjoying it.